Online Dating for the single, UK, male, mid-20's Aspie.

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Just-Tom
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09 Jan 2018, 5:40 am

Hi I joined OkCupid. I know dating sites are pretty negative on both sides. But I sort of want to know if either gender has any tips or advice on using them? I spent a day sending off messages to people I felt both physical attraction for as well as having shared values, interests or personalities.
Feels disheartening if it is a case that I wasted hours balancing the messages and being relevant to the person and to just not even get a 'Sorry, no thanks.'
Haven't got any replies back, anyone know where I might be going wrong? :/



hale_bopp
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09 Jan 2018, 5:46 am

That’s normal for dating sites.

I don’t have any advice except don’t bother, unless you’re happy with using that time for something so unfulfilling.

It’s very hard to impress a woman on a dating site, guys who try to write personal messages are a dime a dozen.

I only know one aspie guy who is brilliant with engagement, but that’s because he’s super intelligent, cocky and doesn’t care about people. He is interesting and charismatic, women fall at his feet. I’d never date him as I can see him for what he is. But most women are mad on him.



Just-Tom
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09 Jan 2018, 6:16 am

What is he like, look wise? :/ I'd say I'm average, but then again I've never dated before. If writing personal messages are what I'm already doing then I don't see what else I can do.



hale_bopp
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09 Jan 2018, 6:49 am

Just-Tom wrote:
What is he like, look wise? :/ I'd say I'm average, but then again I've never dated before. If writing personal messages are what I'm already doing then I don't see what else I can do.


Looks wise, slightly above average but leaning more to the average side.

It's very hard to get advice for this as "Be charismatic" is bad advice as it doesn't actually help anyone.
Some dating sites have a message board. Have you been on those? If you can portray yourself as awesome on an online community, women come to you. That's mainly what this guy did.

Plenty of fish has a forum. Why not try that? It will be like participating on WP, but all the people are single and looking. shooting fish in a barrel, right?
https://forums.plentyoffish.com/



SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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09 Jan 2018, 12:58 pm

That's certainly interesting. I may have to give it a try.

Thing is with doing a profile is that none of it is necessarily real. People lie on their pages and oftentimes photoshop their pics so much that you may not even recognize them in person, or else just use a pic from 10-20 years ago.

I don't want to lie but it's probably like I'd get no replies/likes/whatever if I'm honest. Part of the problem is I just don't like to embellish things, like what's the point if we aren't actually anything like what the profile says. I just want to connect with someone who's compatible with me.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jan 2018, 1:29 pm

There was a big change in okc few days ago:
https://theblog.okcupid.com/why-okcupid ... 4d492e7853

Now the girl sees your pic first, if she likes what she sees then only then she can see your first message; otherwise it won’t even reach her inbox.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Jan 2018, 1:36 pm

and if you want to know why you’re not getting replies, that’s why:
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=342818&start=0