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any tips to help an aspie find and keep a girlfriend

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moelking
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04 Jun 2007, 4:51 am

i had a girlfriend but just found out she has been cheating on me since oct. :evil: what is worse is it was in my bed. with at least two other guys. so i am looking for a new girlfriend and need so help. i mean is it to much to ask for to find a smart woman who likes me for me. so do you people have any ideas that might help? :?:



LePetitPrince
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04 Jun 2007, 5:50 am

hmmm.....this might be little rude but can you tell how you found out? or what ways you use so you can find out ? this might be useful for me later .

u can pm tho



moelking
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04 Jun 2007, 6:03 am

she came out and told me she was cheating on me.then asked for my forgivenss .after that i told her to get the hell out of my house. did i do the right thing? i think so



Esperanza
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04 Jun 2007, 6:27 am

Yes, you did the right thing.



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04 Jun 2007, 6:29 am

she's not worth it you did the right thing good look on your hunt for a girl



techstepgenr8tion
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04 Jun 2007, 6:42 am

Only one thing to say - eww. Its a shame you hadn't actually caught her before that, just because,of all places in YOUR bed? If it hadn't been her apology that had tipped you off I would have dumped my mattress off in front of her house or something, no way I'd want to sleep on it regardless. In the case that she apologized doing or saying anything further would be in excess.

As for correcting for prior mistakes, think about 2 things - where you too nice and did she have the sort of psychological complications where she would have done that regardless just on account of the fact that its just her and her history in general. You can't always blame yourself for this kind of stuff nor can you hold women in general up to the same behavior pattern, some people either have a real problem with falling for someone and they'll deliberately sabotage what they're going toward. I tend to think that if a woman was crazy about a guy and did that it would indicate a bit of a self-destructive streak.



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04 Jun 2007, 1:11 pm

She apologized. If she was truly sorry, I think you should have kept her. That's just my opinion though.


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moelking
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04 Jun 2007, 2:14 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
Only one thing to say - eww. Its a shame you hadn't actually caught her before that, just because,of all places in YOUR bed? If it hadn't been her apology that had tipped you off I would have dumped my mattress off in front of her house or something, no way I'd want to sleep on it regardless. In the case that she apologized doing or saying anything further would be in excess.

As for correcting for prior mistakes, think about 2 things - where you too nice and did she have the sort of psychological complications where she would have done that regardless just on account of the fact that its just her and her history in general. You can't always blame yourself for this kind of stuff nor can you hold women in general up to the same behavior pattern, some people either have a real problem with falling for someone and they'll deliberately sabotage what they're going toward. I tend to think that if a woman was crazy about a guy and did that it would indicate a bit of a self-destructive streak.


yeah i made a mistake by leting her move in with me. the worst thing was i had to by new sheets and a new bed. and she was a little crazy she was an unmeidcaed bipolar . but i am not that hurt about it she was my first girlfriend. but i still wont to find miss right.



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04 Jun 2007, 2:28 pm

subatai_baadur wrote:
She apologized. If she was truly sorry, I think you should have kept her. That's just my opinion though.


I don't know. It might all be her way
of playing for attention. If this is the
case, it could end up being a regular
occurance.

Also, any relationship changes tremendously
with such a revelation (perhaps with the act
itself?). It's hard to go on from that point. I've
managed it, time and again, but there's a lot
of pain which never goes away.



subatai_baadur
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04 Jun 2007, 4:10 pm

calandale wrote:
subatai_baadur wrote:
She apologized. If she was truly sorry, I think you should have kept her. That's just my opinion though.


I don't know. It might all be her way
of playing for attention. If this is the
case, it could end up being a regular
occurance.

Also, any relationship changes tremendously
with such a revelation (perhaps with the act
itself?). It's hard to go on from that point. I've
managed it, time and again, but there's a lot
of pain which never goes away.


99% chance that you're completely right and it fails another way. But isn't the 1% worth the time that would otherwise be spent eating chinese food and TV dinners wandering aimlessly for Miss Right? Most people can leave relationships like that and pick up someone else; normal girls are just about everywhere. Girls that are keen to be with an aspie are not. I just think maybe it would be worth the attempt at a second shot. Once again, just my opinion. If you were genuinely hurt beyond repair, dump her cheating ass.


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techstepgenr8tion
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04 Jun 2007, 5:14 pm

moelking wrote:
yeah i made a mistake by leting her move in with me. the worst thing was i had to by new sheets and a new bed. and she was a little crazy she was an unmeidcaed bipolar . but i am not that hurt about it she was my first girlfriend. but i still wont to find miss right.


Good luck. I think if you want miss right your looking for probably an average looking girl who knows how to chill, has a personality, has her own interests, has a good level of maturity and stability, most importantly knows herself. When you mention bi-polar with your ex though, what variety are you meaning? I've had friends and relatives who've had it but it was the literal end of it - just hard ups and downs, where as other people have that really weird and nasty edge that seems to sort of combine narcissism and schizophrenia - known at least a few people like that too. If she really is getting thrown around that much by her cycles that she can't hold herself upright and gets that pulled in by her momentary needs then maybe it was a good lesson - that if she doesn't do something about it (ie. get professional help and be diligent about it) she won't stop doing the things to other people that will keep her in a downward spiral.



moelking
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04 Jun 2007, 10:11 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
moelking wrote:
yeah i made a mistake by leting her move in with me. the worst thing was i had to by new sheets and a new bed. and she was a little crazy she was an unmeidcaed bipolar . but i am not that hurt about it she was my first girlfriend. but i still wont to find miss right.


Good luck. I think if you want miss right your looking for probably an average looking girl who knows how to chill, has a personality, has her own interests, has a good level of maturity and stability, most importantly knows herself. When you mention bi-polar with your ex though, what variety are you meaning? I've had friends and relatives who've had it but it was the literal end of it - just hard ups and downs, where as other people have that really weird and nasty edge that seems to sort of combine narcissism and schizophrenia - known at least a few people like that too. If she really is getting thrown around that much by her cycles that she can't hold herself upright and gets that pulled in by her momentary needs then maybe it was a good lesson - that if she doesn't do something about it (ie. get professional help and be diligent about it) she won't stop doing the things to other people that will keep her in a downward spiral.


she was of the type to go from happy to sad in nothing flat. pluse it buged me try as i might i when she was down i could not bring her back up.



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05 Jun 2007, 4:35 pm

moelking wrote:
she came out and told me she was cheating on me.then asked for my forgivenss .after that i told her to get the hell out of my house. did i do the right thing? i think so


I think you should have made her buy you a new mattress, pillows, and bedsheets. Oh, and then spread the rumors all over school/work/campus (wherever) that she is a slut.

Of course, my answer would be to hit her with a blunt instrument, if it were legal.


But I could also use some advice in this regard. Finding clean, decent, NORMAL women is impossible where I am now. The chicks I keep running into fake pregnancy scares on me to try and convert me to their religion, set me up with militant socialist fatties, or whine that I'm not "sensitive." Oh, and to top it off, after the first date, they freak out, thinking I'm going to be the next Virginia Tech Killer.


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05 Jun 2007, 5:20 pm

Twice a cheater, always a cheater. Unless both are willing to have an open relationship, the only thing to do is to dump her then and there.


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05 Jun 2007, 6:26 pm

pbcoll wrote:
Twice a cheater, always a cheater. Unless both are willing to have an open relationship, the only thing to do is to dump her then and there.


Hard to say. Since she revealed it (something she
needn't have done at all), it might indicate a desire
to change. Might just be a way of getting attention
though, as noted above - in which case, she MIGHT
even be lying about having cheated (I've done this).



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06 Jun 2007, 11:17 am

calandale wrote:
pbcoll wrote:
Twice a cheater, always a cheater. Unless both are willing to have an open relationship, the only thing to do is to dump her then and there.


Hard to say. Since she revealed it (something she
needn't have done at all), it might indicate a desire
to change. Might just be a way of getting attention
though, as noted above - in which case, she MIGHT
even be lying about having cheated (I've done this).


If this were the case, I think I'd find a lie like that worse than cheating, and would dump her faster. again, it's a precedent - if she lies about this, she can lie about anything, you can't trust her either way.


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