Can someone please explain the concept of dating?

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I realized I would never have a girlfriend when I was in my junior year in high school. Girls would approach me, and that was something I appreciated, but I never knew what to say or do. I felt nervous and my brain shut down. That's when I realized I was not the type of guy who was suitable for "dating" or having a "girlfriend."

The whole idea of having a girlfriend still doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Boy meets girl, they both like each other, boy asks girl if she wants to be his girlfriend (or maybe the other way around), girl accepts, then boy hangs out with girl like she is his best friend, do "fun" things together, and ocassionally they kiss and have sex. Is that how it works?

I ask because I don't get it. I just don't understand all these formalities.

What if I want to do all those things with a woman and we both feel attracted to each other but I don't want to call her my "girlfriend"? Is that possible? Is it understood that if a guy and a girl engage in a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship, they are automatically dating? When am I allowed to refer to the girl as my "girlfriend"? And when is she allowed to refer to me as her "boyfriend"? Do guys/girls normally ASK the other person if she/he wants to be his/her girl/boyfriend? Or does it just "happen"? And what about break ups? Does one participant say to the other: I don't want to be your girl/boyfriend anymore? Or is it understood that the relationship is over once they stop seeing each other? And while they are "dating," how often are they required to see/talk to each other? Is it acceptable if they go a week without seeing or talking to each other?

I hope I'm not the only one who doesn't know the answers to these questions .

I am 25 and I am currently dating the first girl ever. I suck at it, tho she sticks by, I have many of the same questions as you. For me, I want to someday be married and have children and provide for a family, this is why I date, too bad I am a crappy BF, i cant relate to her, cant read her and hope she sticks by me.

I will keep track of this thread to see where it goes, we both seek some of the same answers. If I had more time I would try and answer a few of your questions, but for the most part my answers will undoubtedly be wrong and ill do nothing but give you bad advice.

Here's my concept of it. I know it's not great, but that's how you know why I don't date or have boyfriends/girlfriends.

You meet someone, and for some reason or other, you're head over heels for him/her, and you don't know why, but you absolutely must be around that person. Which explains why boy/girlfriends do things together. They can't stop thinking about each other. Said person either feels the same way and does the same thing, though both don't want to come out and admit it freely, for some stupid irrational social reason, or they don't feel the same way, and either dump you nicely, or dump you bluntly, leaving you worse off than you were before.

Then both are under pressure to "please" the other, and sometimes, so much so that they think they have to pretend to be something they're not to impress the other, and when you fail to live up to that image and the other realizes you're living a lie, they dump you, and we go back to the scenario above. There's also a whole slew of hugging, kissing, cuddling, holding hands, and possibly sex and other tactile social cues that I don't get or buy either; must be part of the same stupid irrational social thing as well. Actually though, sex is the worst part of it if love spirits you away and you don't realize that you might be having unprotected sex or you have to deal with something you can't pay for, either in time or money, and your emotions are probably so strong that you don't wish to get rid of the child, regardless of how unwanted the pregnancy may be. But if you love someone, you shouldn't have to ask him/her every few seconds whether or not he/she loves you or if he/she is your boy/girlfriend; you would know.

I think that if you were in love or could feel it for people, you would automatically know what to do. You wouldn't have to worry about it.

You don't have to take my word for it though. I might just be the worst person to ask about this.

I personally think I'm too in love with math to be in love with any person.

You guys are making this way too hard. Don't worry about the logistics. If you meet someone, and you get on, then it will just happen. Some times it's just a matter of being patient until you meet someone that you "click" with. If you're working that hard to make it happen, then it's just not where you should be. Anyone else out there back me up?

I guess I struggle because my husband is an NT. It causes lots of problems sometimes. The positives are this....I'm rotten at paying bills. I really suck at it. He's anal retentive about it. So he pays all the bills. I'm rotten about dealing with some situation. He's good at it. Sometimes he actually deals with things he knows I can't. So, it's a matter of finding someone you can live with who balances things out for you.

Okay, I admit it. I'm just a girl. I guess it's different for us. My son says that he's in permanent friend status. Scared he'll never meet a girl that likes him for anything else.

Some things I think work both ways though. But then again, I'm just a girl! You guys act like we are some kind of puzzle that needs to be solved. We're not. We do prolly operate on a whole different level sometimes, though. Oh, well. Men are like waffles. They like everything to be box shaped. Every thing in your brain gets compartmentalized and put in a box. Women are like spaghetti. Everything in our brains touches and connects to everything else and affects everything else. We also can't just put things in our brains in a box and put them away. It's always entwined and mixed up with everything else.

I sure haven't "cracked the code" either, but I'd like to mention something on friendships, which I think partially seconds what Kateyjane wrote: I, too, am in "permanent friend mode"...!

I have a female friend, as in "buddy" or "pal" rather than girlfriend/boyfriend-type relationship. We met online and -- quite literally -- just got along right off from the start. At first we kept in touch online, chatting countless hours away. During the years we've visited one another (despite the six-hour train ride each way that entails), whilst she's "been through" (*counts on fingers*) ... four different boyfriends -- this has lead to internal jokes on the "durability" of friendships compared to that of the girlfriend/boyfriend "thing". We've even been talking about things she dared not share with her then-boyfriend.

For my part, this has been great at making me "open up" towards other people -- so much so that other friends I have online has noticed the change. Meeting new people is sligltly less intimidating now.

As an aspie, I'm likely not the "grand champion" in decoding all this social "hoo-haa", but somehow I cannot help thinking that the frindship I have with this particular person, is somehow larger, stronger, or, dare I say it, better than the "standard, run-of-the-mill" girlfriend/boyfriend-type relationship...!

For the men:
1. You ask her out.
2. She turns you down.
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 as necessary (or just choose to give up)

For the women:
1. You put up your best flirty look and try to woo a guy
2. Wait for the guy to see through it all and walk away.
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 as necessary (or just choose to give up)

For me, relationships aren't that different from friendships. I don't date in the traditional sense. Not everyone does. Some people just become friends, then one person communicates that they find the other attractive. If it is mutual, the friendship grows stronger and includes increasing amounts of physical contact. Eventually, one person (usually the guy) says, "Would you like to be my girlfriend (or boyfriend)?" If the other person says yes, they are a couple. At some point, one person says, "I love you," and the other says, "I love you too." Then it continues as a close friendship with lots of physical contact and other expressions of affection. At least that's how I experience it. But maybe it's different for other women, such as NTs.

I don't really understand "dating" in terms of the differences between something you do with a friend versus something you do with a "boy/girl friend"

If I ask a girl to do something with me just with her, it's pretty clear in my head that it's a "date." But the activity and how I would act isn't much different than what I would do with my friends.

The details don't matter really... just ask girls out. If they don't think it's a date, don't sweat it... just perhaps learn what she was doing. Perhaps ask her why she didn't think it was a date.

The rules appear to be too complicated to make a flow chart esqe system of what you have to do. Just do something and see if it works...

Hmm dating...I think dating can be whatever the heck two people want it to be. I don't see how dating can be any fun if there is any sort of system or rules to it. It's simply up to the couple.