REALLY flirty cashier asked me if I'm free

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Hi, everyone. A little background first, so you understand where I'm coming from. I'm 29, Asperger diagnosed at 8, out of college for seven years this May and working 30 hours a week as a customer service rep for a telecom company over the phone, a place I've been working for five years now, entry-level since I don't really seek promotions or leadership roles. I enjoy reading, writing non-fiction projects based on research (music, history, or politics especially), and going walking in the mornings I have off. However, I only make about enough to cover the groceries and gas, while my Mom, who had me at 40, pays for the utilities where we both live (I've driven since I was a year out of college, so missed out on the high school/college scene, and I lived at home during college as I do now) and relies on friends to pay rent since our former savings are gone. We live on the edge but get by, and I always pay at the grocery store when we go shopping, besides my doing the laundry, occasional cooking, etc.

I don't have a ton of privacy, though, and have never had close friends that hung out much outside of school, extracuricculars, or work. As you may expect from that, I also have had no real intimacy with girls my age since I moved to this area at 14, so I'm dealing with a big life experience gap with regards to kissing, foreplay, or sex of any kind (virgin but came close at 12 when I lived in a bigger city suburb), though people I meet see me as quite easy-going in general (I think) and I often notice flirting. I just don't capitalize and am not sure I can afford to do so adequately, in more ways than one. I made dumb mistakes when I was a teenager and in college, got discouraged, and just focused on other things, finding myself happier, and along the way I've gotten on a cocktail of meds for my diagnoses, allergies, etc., some of which (particularly the antidepressant) may dampen my sex drive. Typically, I just sort of accept solitude save for acquaintanceships, but my dad's recent visit (parents are divorced) disrupted the hobbies that otherwise occupy me and shortly before that a work colleague showed me and a bunch of others a sext he got, so I became a bit more aware of what's missing in my life. Outside of school, I find there's not as much contact so I'm doubly hobbled, and a lot of hanging out in the area involves drinking or noise, which I don't handle well and make communication even harder. Maybe if I were in a larger metro area, but I can't afford to live there.

Anyway, I went to a work bowling afternoon at a local lanes, actually did pretty well once up to speed, and got back home in a pretty confident mood, though I still struggled to talk at the right volume for the venue and feel that holds me back a bit. Maybe it's the "I can do this" vibe, or maybe I'm more attractive than I give myself credit for, but a girl who's been sweet on me a few times before at the local branch of a chain grocer made a move I wasn't expecting. Now I'm well aware that service employees, especially women, will often flirt, especially in tip-based environments (though cashier is not clearly that). I try to not read much into things, and if it helps me not appear needy that's a bonus I guess. She's a brunette with glasses, very cheerful but more endearing than intimidating. I think she's somewhere between 15 and 25, obviously important to figure out where if proceeding any further. She's shorter than me by an inch or two, unlike a lot of women in town. I didn't catch her name tag, partly not wanting to be seen staring at her chest, but she undoubtedly has my receipt if she's better at that stuff. Besides the usual smiling and doe eyes (contact is not always perfect, but tone of voice is warm, my Mom's gotten a slight Aspie vibe or something off her at times), she asked me, after I returned her usual "how was your day," if I'm doing anything the next day (Sunday, it was Saturday night when she asked). I'm no PUA junkie, but I didn't want her to know I had nothing planned for today (other than maybe tax filing LOL) so I told her "yeah" and proceeded with checkout to sound cooler and with a more full life, or at least to leave mystery as to what I'm doing and with whom. My general lethargy makes it easy to avoid being "that guy" who hovers and texts all the time, but I hope I don't go too far in the other direction. Also, as she checked me out, some male employees kind of came by, almost a bit of competitive behavior from NTs who may see more than meets my eye.

First of all, should I have said I was free (or should I if we meet again)? Second, I can't seem to find her on Facebook, since I can't remember the name, but probably could with eye contact the next time. My profile's getting a bit less barren lately, but I'm not real exhibitionist the few times I do hang out. Part of me naively hopes she tries to stalk me a bit, but I sense she may be a little too shy to do so, and my main worry about bothering other than the usual figure-out-I-can't-communicate-normally one is that she may have overprotective relatives (brothers, father) who react angrily or even violently to her crush on me and worry I'm being predatory. Something about her telegraphs a desire for respect, which I can provide a lot of, but maybe also romance, which I find a silly waste of time at least in the old-fashioned sense.

I just am not used to basically being propositioned or sort of asked out like this, and could use you guys' advice for how to proceed. Not sure seduction forums would suggest stuff that wouldn't get me arrested or beat up, and I don't want to hurt her (or anyone, I'm not that kind of guy). I don't really know her, as you can tell from her namelessness here, but she has an adorable quality that makes me feel protective, like more of a man than I suspect I really am. I sense she'd want to take it slow, but just cuddling, heavy petting, etc. would be such a good learning experience at this point that I wish somebody like her could be in my life on some terms.

Advice...?
Ok, go back in there, do your shopping. Make sure you get the same cashier.
This time smile at her -- shyly is fine (women love that).
Say 'there's something about you. I like you. Wanna go out for a drink?' (or icecream, whatever you like...)
And if she says 'yes', get her number (make sure you have got your phone handy)
You suggest the place and time - somewhere you feel comfortable.

Good luck!

Sounds like something that's NEVER happened to me. Take advantage of it. Ask the girl out for coffee.

Be cautious, though. There's the slight possibility that she might be a con artist or something.

Is Dubuque part of the Quad Cities area?

If I go in without my mother, I might do what you mentioned, Katy. I don't know her shift, thoughJust to get a few things I need, though they've got to be enough not to make it look like a pretense. I've always got my phone on and with me, but I'm not sure her hours, obviously a forward question, not sure how to make it work with mine.

As for the con artist thing, I'm certainly being careful kraftiekortie. I and her are not really in the "dating" generation, so I'm not sure about that and wonder if it would be better to just get the number first so we can text. That way I'll know better when she's available. Dubuque is actually at the eastern end of the state, where it meets Illinois and Wisconsin at a tripoint across the Mississippi. Lots of gorgeous places to walk, but also decent cafes of the type you guys suggest, and universities and hospitals that attract enough professionals to just slightly take it out of old-fashioned steeltown territory.

It might be even better to start off "liking" each other on Facebook.

If you get her number, cool.

But you can text her through Instant Messenger if she doesn't want to give you her number right away.

Got her name. Suck with the nametags (prob tell her if she asks, though), but found her Facebooking store employees and friend request (she has two mutuals who were good work friends with me, one of which just complimented my newish car I posted today). Says produce checker, not cashier, but they rotate people a lot I guess. Now, to sit back, live my life confidently, and message maybe a week or so out if I get a request, otherwise just chitchat in line as usual and move on. So far so good. Hope more Americans can weigh in here, especially millennials, for some cultural context.

Nope...not a Millennial. I'm a baby boomer LOL

"Free? Of course I'm not free! I know my value and charge accordingly!"

You're second guessing too much.

Don't be too much hopeful though.

Don't add her on fb nor message her there, your best bet is to ask her out face to face like the Roman lady said.

Too late, FaceofBoo. I added her on FB Sunday, no accept, one friend of hers who did accept complimented my ride, another (a guy but single so not her BF as I feared) was kind of hot and cold at work, so not sure how it's going over with acquaintances. Maybe there's an in there, but I haven't messaged her and don't plan to unless she messages or I see her IRL. She may simply not recognize me, many customers so quite possible, but trying to keep expectations level. I had a bit of a crash yesterday but vented with an old friend (a woman in a relationship, who I find quite easy to talk to without the pressure) last night in messaging. The latter friend was helpful, another guy friend small-talked this morning, so maybe I just need to stay logged in more so I'm listed as online while going about my business otherwise. Got work soon so see y'all later. Keep the advice coming!

When you go back in the store, see if she remembers you.

If she does, talk to her.

Eventually, this might lead to a date---especially if you feel you both have common interests.

I hope it works out for you.

Not sure if people still replying, but seems a bust. At least unless I ever encounter her elsewhere. Was in the line next to her, me getting my groceries on the conveyor while she handled the line next to me, literally feet away. She turned around at one point, said hello very nicely when I called her by name, but didn't seem to respond with much but a polite nod when I said (facepalm) I was swamped the Sunday she'd asked me about if I was free. Somebody else started coming in with their groceries, but the problem is there's no time and no way to follow up without being out of line. She didn't call me by name, and as someone not being served by her it was weird to introduce myself. I'm afraid to message after the faux pas, and ultimately should move on.

I'm not trying not to lose confidence just because I might misinterpret a friendly gesture, since it feels almost like it "doesn't count" in the "people who've expressed affirmation of my attractiveness" basket. I really feel there's a lot of things going for me, my intelligence, my decent network of acquaintances that at least creates the appearance of a healthy friendship group on social media (though with no reality behind it unless people's memories are nice and charitable and not "he's a tard"), my walking habit (though I should exercise more so it's less tiring), my interest in music, and probably most of all my ability to speak French and Spanish, at least as an icebreaker. I don't feel entitled or anything, but do get the feeling some of my colleagues, looking at the dating scene in this area, would consider me a decent, hard-working, respectful guy. I'm going to network more, really try to make both genders of friends if possible, just have to get out enough to not let things pass me by even if communication is hard. Wish I could practice before going out and doing it with people other than my mother, but I'm a 29-year-old man and realize I don't have the luxuries with nobody hanging out in meatspace.

I read my Mom in, and she basically got mad that I said "I was swamped Sunday," because it's a lie, and she's probably right that it did me no good. Basically, she and I agree I should make no further effort to communicate, just too hard at a store. I signed up for the Level 2 OKCupid, hope it's not the dumbest decision I ever made given the real name policy lately, and was treated on telling my mother, who I live with and is one of the few sources of advice who doesn't punt me elsewhere, to a lecture about my unwillingness to seek her counsel enough. I'm a 29-year-old man, and it's so crushing to have to rely on your mother for that kind of thing, but here I am. I cried during the conversation, almost couldn't enjoy SNL which I've watched for 20 years. She said all sorts of negative, albeit important, things about my being victimized by predators or accused of sexual harrassment, as though to suggest they don't cross my mind enough. She has clinical depression and maybe can't help being a downer about this stuff, but I just can't seem to convince her I'm not going to go off half-cocked, especially when she keeps bringing up stuff I did when I was younger. I'll always be autistic, and she's concerned for my safety and her reputation as a mother, but the pressure can be rough. I thank all you guys for your advice, and guess I'll return here for more opinions along with my therapist as I make another message volley on OKC. I've got hobbies, and I need to enjoy them, and the Facebook stuff is going slow but OK.

georgewilson.....I am gonna tell you a little secret that may shock you and may even shock your mom (because in my experience, women don't like to admit what i am gonna say) :


When a girl is REALLY interested in you, it would VERY obvious (and yes, even for an aspie) on a frequent basis to the extent that it would rub on your face, you wouldn't second-guess at all.

The two keywords here are 'Obvious' and 'Frequent' , because a once-in-a-time talk or compliment or whatever is not really counted.

All these typical second-guessing things is a mental trap of wishful thinking that many guys fall in, including NT guys, things like "oh she looked at my direction, she probably likes me' , "oh, her shoulder bumped into mine ....maybe it wasn't accidentally".....etc , all these are waste of time.


And this is a must watch for you:

However, you last shot now is to send her a FB friend request, you have nothing to lose, just send it and forget about it.