Would I be more appealing if I had my own place?

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StefanMemos
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17 Mar 2018, 9:15 pm

My answer. Not much. You're already quite cool enough.

I've had boyfriends and girlfriends before when I was living at my mums. I just wish I had more time alone with them when they were visiting me.

I started university in August last year. I was going to a new city 50 miles away so I had to get my own place. I wanted piece and quiet so avoided the student halls and got my own rented flat. It was quite lovely. I felt like a big shoot for a while in my fancy 1 bedroom house. Had my internet, tv and play station 4 all set up. Even had a vinyl player to look extra cool. I was quite excited. I thought I'd have a romantic place.

Well my flat was ready for the men and the women but I soon found out I was completely not.

For me I soon found out the stressful side of continually running and maintaining your own flat is the time and energy it takes away from you. Always having to clean the flat and do the dishes while having anxiety / depression is very hard.
Don't get me started on the money side of things. That stressed me out really bad. Every two weeks some new bill would pop up and I'd get annoyed so would be less likely to jump on the dating apps.
With being away from my mums I had less opportunity for support for dealing with these stresses which left me with less resources and time for dating than I originally had when I was living at my mums.

See some figures here

Living with mum;
Finances = Higher
Rent = Lower
Mental Energy = Higher
House tasks = Lower
Time for dating apps = Higher
Successful dates / relationships = 4

In my own place
Fiances = Much lower
Rent = Higher
Mental Energy = Lower
House tasks = Higher
Time for dating apps = About the same but when I was stressed I was less likely to use them
Successful dates = 1

Personally I've found I have more dates when I've more energy, free time and less stressed. So having my own flat made me less appealing to people because I was always stressed out and spending too much time paying bills and doing the housework.

What's you thoughts? Any differing experiences?



sly279
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17 Mar 2018, 10:44 pm

How old are you?



yellowtamarin
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18 Mar 2018, 12:23 am

StefanMemos wrote:
Personally I've found I have more dates when I've more energy, free time and less stressed.

Yep, I reckon you have the right idea. For those who feel best when they live independently (like me), they would do best try to do so. But if that's not the best setup for your mental health and well-being, don't do it. I don't think people should be so caught up on trying to do "what everyone else does" or "what women/men look for" or whatever. You can work really hard to achieve these things, and yeah maybe find a partner, but then be too burnt out or bitter to enjoy the relationship. Or be too burnt out or bitter to be able to attract people with your personality. Or, as in your case, not have the time/energy to even look anymore.

My philosophy is, work on becoming who you want to be. Feel good about yourself and your lifestyle. Then attract those who share your enthusiasm with who you are :)



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Mar 2018, 1:15 am

Your mom is gonna get too old one day.

Your best option is to have a career and hire a maid hourly or so.



nick007
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18 Mar 2018, 6:15 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Your mom is gonna get too old one day.

Your best option is to have a career and hire a maid hourly or so.
Or the OP could look for a women who needs a place to stay & have her do the chores & help with rent alittle if she can. I totally would of done that if I had my own place but I'd help with the chores as much as I can.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Mar 2018, 12:47 pm

^ in other term, a housewife.



Kiprobalhato
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18 Mar 2018, 12:50 pm

no joke, i read that as "Would I be more *appalling* if I had my own place?" and then started laughing.


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StefanMemos
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18 Mar 2018, 4:43 pm

sly279 wrote:
How old are you?


I'm 23



StefanMemos
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18 Mar 2018, 4:50 pm

Kiprobalhato wrote:
no joke, i read that as "Would I be more *appalling* if I had my own place?" and then started laughing.


When I didn't do my dishes and forgot to do my washing I did feel quite appalling :lol:



sly279
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18 Mar 2018, 5:04 pm

StefanMemos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
How old are you?


I'm 23

Past 25 it’ll really hurt your chances.



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18 Mar 2018, 6:46 pm

There are some situations where you might be better off living with your parent(s), but In my opinion, it's generally better to start living on your own sooner, rather than later (if you are able to), because your parents won't always be there to support you. It also helps you learn responsibility, and self sufficiency.

From a dating perspective, living with your parents is usually frowned upon, unless you have a good reason to be doing so. It also makes it harder to have any privacy, or intimacy with someone, because someone else is always around.



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19 Mar 2018, 3:44 am

If you don't like washing the dishes by hand just get a dishwasher.


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nick007
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19 Mar 2018, 5:16 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
If you don't like washing the dishes by hand just get a dishwasher.
He said he rented a flat so it would be up to his landlord if he can have one or not.


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RetroGamer87
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20 Mar 2018, 3:48 pm

nick007 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
If you don't like washing the dishes by hand just get a dishwasher.
He said he rented a flat so it would be up to his landlord if he can have one or not.

Not quite. I rent a flat. True that I can't install a dishwasher or remodel the kitchen but what I was able to do was choose a flat that already had a dishwasher. The OP could do the same.


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