Wheres my place in this world ~ an otomen ?

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Theamazinggeek
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15 Mar 2018, 6:38 pm

So in the dating world, Wheres my place?

Taken from Urban dictionary ~
A term for a guy with femine characteristics, pursuits, skills,hobbies or lifestyle. Often these are mistaken as being gay. They are heterosexual (straight). If there is a similar word SNAG or metrosexual maybe close.

Otomen are sensitive, emotional types prone to neing needy and demanding.

Otomen have a love to cook, clean, sews. Normally polite, loyal, honest, shy and not mechanically inclined. Otomen are more timid and sensitive than most, and so relationships are hard for them. Otomen are fun, happy persons with, good hygiene, and his clothes are neat. Otomen are reserved and silent. Otomen are types wanting to be held than to hold. Roles are reversed as Otomen are one to be rescued not the rescuers. Otomen are fearful of horror films and try not to go near conflict. Otomen are usually more sensative to there partners needs both emotionally and physically. Otomen can be often be submissive or have submissive personalities and are often used n abused.

Otomen usually seek women with strong dominant or masculine personalites due to making up for what they feel they lack. It is to note they are super touchy on the subject of there masculinity. It is best not to bring up the subject or call it into question.

On a final note Otomen are more likely to end up being house husbands.
{end of entry}

--------------------------------------------------

Im super sensative to the plights of women and gay men (and transexual women MTF). I more often mistaken as gay.
before those who ask, Ive tried being bi curious and it didn't work out. My fault not his. Im for sure straight. Tell you the truth I had a fun time but it didn't feel correct, and I gave an open minded chance. He was super nice about the whole thing, still friends. Ive date a transsexual, a few dates, nothing sexual. again both of us sensed what was the issue.

Im not homophobic or homosexual nor bi. Im just a otomen.

So wheres my place in the whole scheme of life ?


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yellowtamarin
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16 Mar 2018, 12:54 am

In the whole scheme of life? Too big a question. In the dating world? With a woman who is attracted to these qualities in you, assuming you seek a relationship. Not sure what else you are really asking?



Theamazinggeek
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16 Mar 2018, 1:56 am

Sorry for being so general. Im just wondering one thing. Ive read alot of posts here in the dating section. Some make sense some dont.

My point alot say you need to be assertive some say you need to confident some say you need to be head stron down to earth, etc etc.

The point is im being what i am, a otomen ( metro. Im often mistaken for being gay. Yeah i have a gay friend or two. But im not. I try to get female friend but it seems when they ask ur not gay ? And i say no ( im not going to lie), im metrosexual. Suddenly they go silent or distant from me. I never over step any friendship boundary. Im not rude or super flirty and im not one to do the over oogle thing. (The look her over and over. In the creepy way.) Im respectful. I just cant help my nature. Im comfortable being metro and feel its right after i found it. Took years of soul searching.

It makes me feel dropped in a grey zone. But this is what i am. Im a straight girly guy ( no i dont crosd dress, not that girly). Yes a pasifist and therapist type buddy. As in, anyone i know and could name had this urge to tell me there life story. Its one of those weird things that happens to me and they want advice afterwards. With that said, wheres my place? To sit on the sidelines as a friend?
( ever seen the movie "just friends" )

I fouled up once not saying anything..... missed out on one. Another, My last ex (was engaged together 8 years ) who i was with broke off with me 3 years ago.
It makes me question a bit.

Im roles reverse, so im looking for a lady to ask me out. So am i going to be sitting for a long while ?


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sly279
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16 Mar 2018, 2:44 am

I don’t feel a lot of women like men such as us, just as a lot of men don’t like masculine women, most people stick to gender stereotypes. It’s part of why transgender people are mistreated as they are.



314pe
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21 Mar 2018, 9:00 am

Theamazinggeek wrote:
So am i going to be sitting for a long while ?

Probably



naturalplastic
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21 Mar 2018, 9:37 am

Find a tomboy girl who likes to fix cars, and marry her. And then the two of you can go out a conquer the world.

Then you can call your domain "the Otomen Empire!." :lol:



smudgedhorizon
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21 Mar 2018, 11:35 am

Do you look like a k-pop idol? I think younger women and teenage girls are head over heels in love with such type of guys. Maybe my perception is incorrect as I'm a Japanese language student and am rotating among such people?
I don't know what American women want in a man.


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cberg
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21 Mar 2018, 4:19 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
Find a tomboy girl who likes to fix cars, and marry her. And then the two of you can go out a conquer the world.

Then you can call your domain "the Otomen Empire!." :lol:


I guess I'm kind of like both. Logically subservient to women (they think more) but I love mechanical challenges & I'm not what you'd call girly.

:? Not so sure I could pull off the kpop aesthetic, ideally I won't have to. Google photo recognition confused my hippie hair for a girls' though. :jester:


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xxZeromancerlovexx
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21 Mar 2018, 5:25 pm

Everyone has a type of person they are into. There are girls out there who like otomen. I like guys who are willing to help me cook, clean and do household things. I do those things and it would be nice to have a guy that is willing to cook with me and does their own laundry because I do my own laundry and clean my own room. There's a saying called "wearing the pants in a relationship." I wear pants, literally. All of the guys I've dated wear pants, literally. Therefore we both exist and have to do things together like household chores, cooking and even playing video games because nothing is more annoying than a guy not letting me have a turn playing playing Soul Calibur V.

There are girls who like otomen. Horror films are a bit gross in my opinion but that's for another day's discussion. :D


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21 Mar 2018, 8:18 pm

Theamazinggeek wrote:
Sorry for being so general. Im just wondering one thing. Ive read alot of posts here in the dating section. Some make sense some dont.

My point alot say you need to be assertive some say you need to confident some say you need to be head stron down to earth, etc etc.

The point is im being what i am, a otomen ( metro. Im often mistaken for being gay. Yeah i have a gay friend or two. But im not. I try to get female friend but it seems when they ask ur not gay ? And i say no ( im not going to lie), im metrosexual. Suddenly they go silent or distant from me. I never over step any friendship boundary. Im not rude or super flirty and im not one to do the over oogle thing. (The look her over and over. In the creepy way.) Im respectful. I just cant help my nature. Im comfortable being metro and feel its right after i found it. Took years of soul searching.

It makes me feel dropped in a grey zone. But this is what i am. Im a straight girly guy ( no i dont crosd dress, not that girly). Yes a pasifist and therapist type buddy. As in, anyone i know and could name had this urge to tell me there life story. Its one of those weird things that happens to me and they want advice afterwards. With that said, wheres my place? To sit on the sidelines as a friend?
( ever seen the movie "just friends" )

I fouled up once not saying anything..... missed out on one. Another, My last ex (was engaged together 8 years ) who i was with broke off with me 3 years ago.
It makes me question a bit.

Im roles reverse, so im looking for a lady to ask me out. So am i going to be sitting for a long while ?


Yes, you probably are going to be sitting for a long while. It's not wrong to be who you are but as you said, you are in a grey zone...a grey zone of people who do not conform to social norms...particularly social gender norms, and while it might be your ideal that a woman ask you out, most people do conform to some extent to social gender norms, and for women, this means that they often don't do the asking out. Women who do ask men out may not think to ask you out if they think you are gay or transgender.

I do think there is a type of woman who would be interested in you. This would be a career oriented woman who wants a husband who is a home maker and who will take care of the domestic responsibilities. You might still have to ask her out though.



yellowtamarin
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21 Mar 2018, 10:23 pm

I agree with those who've said you'll probably be sitting for a while...but only because you're sitting. I'm an androgynous female, I tend not to conform to gender stereotypes, blah blah blah, but I'm also not "role reversed". That is, I don't have a notion about who should ask who out. Being bi kind of makes it feel silly to have such a notion - who asks who when we are both female? So I'm not necessarily doing the pursuing but also not necessarily just sitting. I'll go after someone if I want to.

If you're electing to sit back and wait, then you are limiting your options to those females who will pursue. So, fewer options, basically, and a higher chance you'll be waiting a while for Ms Right to come along.



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21 Mar 2018, 10:27 pm

You'll find your place in the world in the arms of a woman who's nuts about you, in the very near future.


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