Advice on Relationship Please

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Hello all just after some advice after being the Lurker on the Threshold for many years.

Now I saw this woman on the dating site, and basically fell in love with here at first sight (or as in love as I'm able to get, which isn't much). We had a great first date and for 4 months we've seen each other just about every week, despite her living about 2 hours from the city where I live. She's very unconventional and has made her own independant life. I'm not saying too much about her, to respect her privacy, but she makes strange art, creates and solves fiendishly difficult puzzles and was quite a traveller, loves the quirky movies of Wes Anderson & Jeunet et Caro. So she's an excellent match for me, we've been away on roadtrips and camping trips and spent lots of time together and we always have something to talk about. But we have never had sex or slept together. She's told me that she doesn't feel attracted to me, but wants me as a very close friend. Where she lives unconventional people are thin on the ground. I certainly feel very attracted to her sexually, which is unusual for me. She's used the word "companion" for me, which I pointed out to her (with my usual lack of restraint) is used for Dr. Who's female friends by scriptwriters eager to maintain sexual tension with the use of an ambivalent term.

She's probably on the spectrum as well, but I'm not sure that this is important. We just get on very well and respect each other's boundaries. Like me she'd so like a partner, to do couple stuff like travelling, music & movies, that are no fun on your own.

I'm not sure where we are heading. She's said things like "I like you more and more every time I see you", and when I give her a greeting hug she goes so limp that I have to be careful to put her down gently. She also stands very close to me sometimes with her breasts touching me, which I actually like very much. She's also very muscular (looks like a rockclimber) and was prone to posing in front of me until I told her to "stop playing with me" as it was a massive turn on, so she said sorry and stopped. We went to a festival and she told me she was worried about losing me so we basically held hands for the whole time. Which was lovely:) I also get random kisses and touches and being called "beautiful" when we are together.

But she also told me that she can't imagine snogging me and also talked about setting me up with some of her single women mates. But they look like chopped liver next to her. She's still on the dating sites, but she's told me that she's been doing it for years with no success, only disasters, so she has no real hope of finding love.

Now she's offered me to live at her place, rent free but a few hours work a week on upkeep. I wouldn't live there all the time since I have a part-time job closer to the city, so I would stay a few nights a week in my flat. So am I being taking advantage of, and turned into a sexless drone worker? I don't want a partner where we are together 100% of the time, but some physical affection and sex is important. My counselor also asked if I thought that she was toying with me. I said no, but then I thought, how do I tell for sure? I know I'm terrible at reading emotions and relationships.

I did ask how it would be if she got lucky with dating and got a partner, but I hardly ever feel jealousy, and she said that I could just carry on being a tenant and a friend.

So I need to ask some questions, but I'm not sure what. Being in love is a bugger:) Everyone be honest please.

I don't know much advice, but she sounds like a good person from what you say. Maybe shouldn't you ask directly about it? Tell her about your difficulty in understanding other's emotion and that you would life if she could be clear about her feelings and intentions, make it clear that you are not hurrying her up or pressuring her, and that her answer won't change how you treat her, but that you want to understand her better.

Thank you ltcvnzl she is a lovely person! And that's a very good thing to say (that her answer won't change how I treat her) because it's also true! She's been hurt by bad relationships in the past and had "friends" desert her and I couldn't do that to her.

It's just the question "I need to know where we are going" sounds like a typical male really asking "am I going to get sex soon or shall I move on to a better prospect?". Hence your comment on not pressuring her.

Basically, she most likely isn't romantically interested (if she is, her attraction level is low), and is treating you as her temporary boyfriend (without the sex and romance part), until she finds someone else that she is romantically interested in. You might be able to get somewhere with her, if there is some romantic interest on her part, but there is probably a slim chance of that.

I'm not sure what is unclear here. She has told you she wants to be close friends, and that she's not attracted to you. What is there left to know? The information you have provided tells me you are not in a relationship with this woman, and she doesn't want you to be.

If her feelings should change at some point down the track, it would be her call to let you know. But for now, I don't think there's anything to be done? If you are not interested in a platonic friendship with her then my suggestion would be to end it.