Off The Tracks

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I want to create a thread that's somewhere between a normal thread and The Bar. A place where people can drop in for advice, discussion, etc. (so, not as casual as The Bar), but where tangents are fine, as differentiated from a normal thread where going off-topic is not ideal.

Basically, it's an ongoing discussion thread, but where there is no overarching topic to try to stick to, so the conversation can go wherever it goes. Obviously within the realm of L&D discussion.

Is this a terrible idea? If so, this thread can just fade into the background. But otherwise, let's try to really go deep into discussions and really try to help one another with whatever the current topic is! Advice, insight, genuine queries and the like are highly encouraged, rather than anything more suited to The Haven.

I'd rather someone else start with a topic of their choice, but I can if nobody else wants to. I'll just begin with a bit of info about myself and why I'm here, so you know where I'm coming from when I offer my insight, and you can decide whether what I say might be useful to you.

I'm currently 37.
I'm a bisexual, monogamous female.
I live in Australia.
I have difficulties in a number of areas due to my autism, but the L&D world is probably the area I have the least difficulty in. That is mostly why I post in here - because I feel I might have something to offer by way of different perspective, rational advice, or whatever.
My main issue with L&D is finding the right person for me. I'm super fussy and I have very particular needs. I know myself very well and so I know what I want. What I want may or may not even exist out there, but I'll never give up looking.
I prefer to be single than with someone not well suited to me. It's healthier.
I have a lot of experience, but not with marriage, kids, or anything very long-term (longest relationship was about 3 years).
I've been using online dating (or similar) since 1997.

I kinda like the idea of this thread & like to see what happens with it.

May I ask what kind of things you are picky about with relationships I would of been considered very picky if I listed all the things I liked & disliked in a partner but in reality I was mostly just looking for someone who would give me a real chance & actually try to make a realtionship work with me. I put forth aLOT of effort into finding romantic relationships & trying to make them work so it's very nice to feel like my effort isn't futile. I'm just aLOT happier & more functional within a romantic realtionship.

Thanks


Sure Well, let's see...
The main thing is that I need to be on the same wavelength as my partner. As I'm sure many here can relate to, my mind seems to work differently to most people I interact with. Being misunderstood, and likewise misunderstanding my partner, is very uncomfortable for me. Being able to "be myself" and know that when I speak, chances are high that the other person will get what I'm saying, is crucial.

I'm a 2e and while I'm not necessarily looking for another 2e, being in the same cognitive bracket is something I've recently learned is very important. That is, there's a theory that for people to get along easily with each other, they should be within 20 points of IQ. So, a 108 and a 97 might understand each other, but a 121 and 148 are more likely to struggle. I was sceptical about this at first, but it's seeming to hold up.

So unlike what you were looking for, I'm not looking for someone who will give me a chance and try to make it work. My most successful relationships have not required much work. When there's a good fit, it's easy. If I'm having to make it work, I'm less happy than if I'm single, because it means there's a wavelength mismatch.

And I have a few basic dealbreakers too but they are easy to filter for. Finding a likeminded soul is the hardest part.

(I'm happy to list other stuff I'm fussy about too if you're interested. There's plenty, it's just that they don't cause as much difficulty in my search as the main one.)

I think I get what you mean. My 1st girlfriend was the 1st person who I felt understood me & connected with me. It was the reason why I fell in love with her in the 1st place & why I agreed to get in a realtionship with her. Towards the end of our realtionship, I felt like I was doing everything I could to try & keep her & make the realtionship work & she wasn't trying that much. I felt that way a lot at times in my 2nd realtionship too but we didn't have that strong connection but connected in some other ways since we are both on the spectrum. We were affected very differently by it thou. I guess I learned that just connecting & getting along really well doesn't automatically mean that we're on the same page about our realtionship & how much effort we put into it. I know I have quite a lot of issues & cant really afford to be picky. I really believed that I could make a realtionship work with most any women if she was willing to put forth half the effort I was into making a realtionship work. I know I have quite a lot of faults but I also know I have a lot of good qualities within a relationship too.

Hey

Does a 2e mean you’re 2 standard deviations from the norm in terms of IQ?

I am more into you than I am into tamarind balls.

Same here. I know exactly want I want. I have actually met a few girls that have the qualities that I am looking for, but for some strange reason, they either aren't available, or something doesn't work out. You can't believe how frustrating and annoying that is.

Twice exceptional. Usually a term used to describe children, but applies to adults too: "A 2e [child] usually refers to a [child] who, alongside being considered gifted in comparison to same age-peers, is formally diagnosed with one or more disabilities."

I sure hope that if I find someone, it works out with them! I can imagine it'd be devastating otherwise.

Has there been a pattern to what hasn't worked out, or were they all different situations?

I hope the OP meets her match.

and I am sure you have been receiving Hey's since 1997.

yellowtamarin.... I have a serious question, I am not trolling this time, just doing the armchair psychologist: Do you fall in love?

I have done, yeah.

Might as well pose my own question here, having likely phrased it wrong plenty before:

I don't fall in love easily but it happened anyway although I've found it's best to leave the pace of things up to her, my own pace being so awkwardly slow. As a result things are going nowhere although I know we enjoy one another's company & a good party among friends. How does an impossible geek stick around a mischievous raver lady?

If any of you find out how to find that special someone, feel free to PM me and tell me wtf you did to succeed?

I recently spent a week on a dating site and i closed it down fast. It's like no one is interested in talking or dating any more and girls/women are just interested in looking at your pictures. I tend to revisit internet dating every 6-8 months, just to learn the same lesson again and feel like i have wasted my life trying to find someone there.

Btw: I'm using a free site that have no use of creating fake accounts, and i've actually met girls there earlier.