Difficulty finding people who are willing to commit

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I recently turned 24 years old and while I don't mind being alone, it is still discouraging when it feels like no one understands why I think the way I do. Over the past 8.5 years I have been through several relationships that all have ended up failing for several key reasons. The most common one being the other person never seems to be as interested in me as I was in them. I take the idea of a relationship seriously and know what I want in a relationship. I want to spend the rest of my life with a person, live with them, work together with them like a team.

My exs had some things in common with me interest wise, some were very smart, some had aspergers, some were neurotypical, but they all seemed to not be serious about the idea of ultimately wanting to commit and live with me no matter how much time would pass. Also the lack of trust in these relationships was very one sided. I always put my emotional all into a relationship every time and always trusted who I was with only to be constantly hurt and lied to. My first ex just stopped trusting me despite there being no logical reason for it, I never lied to them or anything like that. In fact I actually accurately warned them of someone they were friends with being a danger to them and I ended up being spot on. Oh and lack of honest open communication was another thing. All my exs never seemed to be open or honest with me which made me really upset.

I should probably stop now, I am kind of rambling on and on at this point. Maybe I just needed to vent. I am tired of running into people who have no idea what the heck they want in life or are not willing to be serious about a relationship.

What do you think is the single most common denominator in all of your failed relationships?

If I had to pick one I would say it is the other person in the relationship being indecisive.

Fnord was just trying to trip you up ... because the common denominator in all your past relationships was: you.

However, I do want to ask you this: Did you do exit interviews? Because it doesn't really matter what YOU think was the common denominator in all of them... what matters is what THEY thought wasn't enough.

And while I leave you to ponder that, let me just observe that you're only 24, and with several relationships under your belt you're really ahead of the game, for an aspie. Relax and rejoice.

Thank you for the compliment. It is true that having some relationship experience was valuable for me since I have learned a lot more about myself. Also the most common complaint I got from exs had been that I was very quick with pushing to progress the relationship and being very "clingy" I certainly acknowledge that second complaint that was given and I am actually a lot better at not having to constantly text or be around a significant other now compared to several years ago. As far as the other complaint I have also improved upon not getting too attached to someone too fast now.

As for Fnord, I kind of was wondering if he was trying to take a jab at me but was not 100% sure. I suppose he must be the forum bully around here? I am new to wrongplanet and was kind of hoping to find less of that kind of drama.

No, actually I'M the forum bully. Fnord is just a wannabe.

Last edited by BeaArthur on 20 Aug 2018, 5:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Taking a jab? No. Bea is correct, though; it was a 'trick' question. 100% of the time, the single most common denominator in a string of failed relationships is the one person who is experiencing all of the failed relationships. I wanted to see if you realized that. If you hadn't before, then you do now.

Bully? ME?!

Blunt, yes ... direct, yes ... truthful, yes ... insensitive, maybe ... but bullying? A bully won't walk away from a conflict when requested to do so by someone claiming to be a 'victim', or by someone he respects.

"WANNABE"?! You mean, I have to work harder to be on par with you?

I don't know if I'm up to the challenge.

You will learn in time... grasshopper.

Being pushy, clingy, needy, and desperate, are definite turn-offs for women (guys usually don't care for these qualities in women, either, although they sometimes put up with it). Relationships should flow naturally, and shouldn't be forced. Also, how can you honestly get attached to, or fall for someone, if you barely know them?

all relationships eventually fail. probably doesn't help but i would not stress about it.

Perhaps it would help if he tried to find women who was also that way. I take relationships very seriously too & I'm clingy, needy & desperate thou I don't know about pushy. I screwed up my 1st two relationships partly because of those things but my current girlfriend is kind of the same way & was kind of wanting a guy who was & that is partly why this relationship has been going a lot better & lasted aLOT longer than both my previous 1s.

Usually women that like those qualities in guys, like them because they see them as easy pray, and not exactly for good reasons. If you found a decent one that doesn't mind those things, good for you. Also, there is nothing wrong with wanting a serious relationship, but most of time, if you put them on the spot, or pressure them too much, they are gonna run for the hills.

Sometimes former lovers aren't willing to do exit interviews or talk to you at all.

When they are, the "Exit Interview" turns out to be a verbally-abusive indictment of everything that you have ever said or done that she didn't like, every one of your flaws, and a recitation of unfavorable comparisons between you and the "gold standards" of every other man she has ever known.

One day, she's all sweetness and affection; the next day (and from then on), she's all vitriol and abrasion.

It's still worth asking the question.