The Saga Continues: A Real Humon Woman Likes My Profile!Now?

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Maybe you've seen my recent posts. I'm back to ongoing dating, not sure if I wasted money on Tier 2 but trying OkCupid on that level. Anyway, I'm trying to cobble together a social life outside of work, where people are nice enough in person but don't ask me to go for drinks or anything elsewhere, for the 3rd time in life (counting high school and college which both kind of fizzled into solitude after a few years in which I can count on one hand meetings outside of school, work, and extracurriculars). I'm going to a political meeting/seminar on municipal broadband in town tomorrow night and may go next Saturday to a local meetup.com group, and I'm considering volunteering on a political campaign.

I got my first mutual like Monday night on OkCupid from someone I liked the night before (when I started messaging the first time in four years on the site), and on Monday and Tuesday nights we exchanged a few sentences of pleasant, light-hearted "how was your day," podcasts, our cats, etc. convo. She's Christian to some degree, heavyset but cuddly (IMO), and works at a local paper on the education beat. She did answer a question Monday night the next morning, but nothing unsolicited yet unless you count an answer Tuesday night to my Sunday question on the Cracked.com podcast, a fave of mine. She hasn't suggested meeting, and neither have I, and I have errands Thursday, snow Saturday, work Friday, and her church volunteering Sunday as excuses, but from next Wednesday on I'll be more open and am wondering how to proceed.

She's sort of nerdy and moved to the area from elsewhere a few years ago, said in her profile she's random and likes to geek out on facts a bit, and posted on a Wordpress I looked up after seeing it linked on her Facebook (don't worry, I didn't Facebook friend-request her to avoid coming off as stalkery) about feeling kind of alienated but slowly starting to fit in. I sense some slight autistic qualities, not sure how Christian families tend to handle those, and am not sure how seriously she takes proscriptions on premarital activity. Even if we have a nice time, I do suspect there's a natural limit to intimacy without marriage and child-rearing commitments I'm not ready for, but I don't find secular women showing any interest in me, and doubt I'll get the casual experience if I haven't already at 29 (no real girlfriends or anything since I moved to this area at 14).

I don't want to rush and seem needy, and really hope I can come off as more interesting than I think I have sometimes, but I also don't want to basically lose her to umpteen other men more experienced than me when she actually bothered to communicate by just not knowing what to do and doing nothing. When should I try to communicate next, and should I suggest coffee out for next week or the weekend after if conditions are right? I just don't know how the escalation process works with this and fear there are infinite ways everything can go wrong, and nobody else on the site is responding to me. Socializing is going to be really difficult when everyone has their bubbles, and I'll never be able to introduce people to a group of friends the way other guys do, so I worry I'll never be high-value enough to deserve more than maybe a nice friendship. I just want a foundation for belonging, to a relationship and to society, for once in my life, not just pleasantries that never go anywhere.

Set up a time to meet her. What the worse that could happen?

You must not write a wall everytime you match with someone or some girl messages you or smiles at you. This is NOT normal.

STOP with this, please stop! This is a pathetic attitude, you are putting her on pedestal before you even meet her, she is just a stranger for now; she does not deserve from you a walltext thread about her on WP yet.

Ask yourself, do you really think she would write something like that about you? No she wouldn’t because she probably has 30 times more matches than you and than most of us.

Sounds to me like you should see if she would like to meet up. I think it would be a good idea to see if she'd want to go have coffee or something. Seems like she has expressed some interest but maybe she is nervous about being the one to ask you out. Trouble is if you wait too long it could fizzle out without the two of you ever meeting so once you've figured out when you are available I would go ahead and ask her if she wants to meet up.

Sorry about the "wallpost," FaceofBoo, but I feel like my inexperience is important to share with readers who haven't seen my earlier posts, because some approaches just won't fly with so little practice and room to practice more in my community. I'm not looking for shortcuts per se, but it helps to know what I'm doing from people who tried harder sooner.

I feel like I already screwed up, because she's been online since my last post, where I asked her out for a time that works for me next week following a pleasant exchange about our weeks. However, she hasn't said a thing to me. She hasn't been online since 1:15 AM yesterday, and I'm trying to get back on OKC to see if she finds me then, but I fear I've blown my chance. Another girl started talking to me and took my like the next day, so I've been feeling her out, but she lives further away and seems less of an intellectual match. I'm trying to learn from my experiences but feel so clueless as to what's really happening, it's frustrating sometimes, and people don't invite me to hang out in the world and get up to speed. I had a nice time with my old friend from high school Thursday night, though, met some fellow socialists, and got some friend requests taken. The old friend said she'd let me know of further get-togethers, I hope she comes through.

I just don't understand this. Girl I asked out has been online for hours and hasn't said a word. Other girl, full of questions, even persisted after one unanswered one, but it's all Q&A. Any time I say anything even vaguely flirty, it gets utterly ignored, just the rest of the message addressed, and nothing flirty is said to me. It just makes me feel so impotent that I can't get anything close to a normal experience on this thing. I have a very boring sense of humor, I guess, but how do I fix my tone? I just want to trigger something in a woman like a normal man.

So did you ever hear back from her? I just don't see why people would message someone if they don't actually want to meet but sometimes it can take a while for people to respond. That aside though, maybe flirting just isn't your best approach I am female and I've never known how to flirt or even how to respond to flirting. Yet I am in a relationship...my boyfriend really never did much flirting either, we did a lot of talking at first but we both were more direct about our interest in each other, no flirting games required.

But that is how those things work you talk to people, hope for the best and sometimes nothing comes out of it. It really is hit and miss, mostly miss admittedly. So it is never a good idea to beat yourself up or feel like a failure over not having gotten a date from a dating site. But yeah hopefully you're old friend will hit you up some more to hang out...perhaps in hanging out with her you could meet someone as well.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 24 Mar 2018, 1:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

georgewilson, you need to check this: viewtopic.php?t=361926

Updates

So the first girl (churchy but nerdy one in my town, by initial let's all her A) hasn't gotten back to me since the date request Thursday, even with a jokey remark about the eight feet of snow that were expected but didn't fell yesterday. Got a third "like," K, but they don't respond quickly and they say they only want new friends on their profile.

Second mutual like, S, the one from a town about half an hour out at most, is the most promising. S is more secular but still something of a geeky homebody, kind of heavyset like A but not as shy about her body I sense. My first message to her a week ago was complimenting her cheeks that look unusually reddish, maybe rosacea or something, as captivating me instantly. Thought she'd appreciate that if she's sensitive about it. I asked about her hobbies, including her Marvel stocking collection (not wearable but Christmas to my disappointment, told her she'd look cute in them), gardening, her job (call center like me), and she was always answering back within a day, often within minutes to an hour.

Unlike the others, there are occasions of unprompted, simultaneous messages to me. S asked me how my day was 45 minutes (she said so herself) after getting home yesterday night, and asked me out of the blue who my favorite Marvel character was, only to steer on my response to mentioning tattoos on her calf and one she may get soon, perhaps somewhere else. I told her "gotta show me," and she said "NI can." Just sweet questions, but they seem to edge closer and closer to flirting without quite crossing over to smiley faces and such. I'm aware of how these things can fizzle, but part of me has my mind set to gas up my car and get some protection after my Wednesday shift, just to prepare if things escalate right.

Should I ask her for her number at this point? I've been sexted before (by email, on my request when the girl told me point blank out of the blue she was horny), would never cajole, but the last and only time was someone much further away. If she wants to see me, spend time with me, even be with me in that way, I want her to know it can be real. By the way, she just asked me what attracted me to her profile, I replied about her hobbies and the like drawing me in, and said she could hit me up when she wants to meet IRL.

Recommending you switch correspondence with her to some other commutations platform such as Whatsapp.

Whatsapp requires a phone number so if you chat with her on Whatsapp you will also know her number.

Alternatively, use Messenger since that will give you her friendship on Facebook.

Once you have established the lines of communication independent from the dating app, waste no time in asking her out.

Complete these tasks and report back for debriefing no later than 0600 hours tomorrow. Dismissed soldier.

Hello there!
My advice would be to not ask a woman out too quickly. She needs a chance to work out whether she is interested in a man romantically. There are other things that may be going through her mind too which you might want to keep in mind, such as "Is he just after sex?" (she's Christian isn't she?), "Is he a safe person to date?" (She is still getting to know you so she doesn't know yet that you are a decent bloke who isn't going to force his attentions on her - women have to consider these things especially with online dating), and of course "Am I ready to meet up yet?" She may be shy, she may want to go to the hairdressers and make herself feel as beautiful as possible first. Also, she may be waiting so as to not give the impression that she is 'desperate'. She may also have other offers, so you need to show her just how awesome you are! to sum up: there could be a multitude of things going through her mind when she considers whether to say yes to a date with you or any man. The important thing is to realise that these do not necessarily mean you have done something wrong. be patient. be charming. Best of luck!

Asked for S's number last night, just after posting here, and received it soon after. I'll text her tonight so she can add me to her contacts.

I think he's awaiting your next orders, Captain.

Good for you!

She works Thursdays even though I'm off, so there goes my grand idea. Says she works every other weekend. I'm talking over when she's free, not sure how to bring it up because while I've been to her town, I don't know it that well. I live with my Mom at home, not sure I want to open up that can of worms yet. Trying to fit it around shopping, laundry, etc. without the break in routine making me weird. Asked "where she'd like to meet to hang out," figured that could whatever she has in mind. Hope that wasn't idiotic.

She works Thursdays even though I'm off, so there goes my grand idea. Says she works every other weekend. I'm talking over when she's free, not sure how to bring it up because while I've been to her town, I don't know it that well. I live with my Mom at home, not sure I want to open up that can of worms yet.

Well, I suggested Saturday (she said this weekend was free) an hour ago, she said "What do you want to do," I suggested a local chain popular in the area, after half an hour of no response mentioned I knew lots of people had Easter business this weekend so we could work it out another one, and she said that was fine and said there was one of the chain in her town. I asked her to let me know of her ideas, and she said "I will." If she doesn't message me this week again, I guess it's time to pack it in. I'll be at a local meetup thing this Saturday at 10, see how it goes, part of me naîvely thinks some older woman (lots of people above 30 there I think) will see a young guy there and just take me to her pad for cougar sex, teach me all I need to know so I don't screw this or anything else up, like anything'll ever get that far. I'm so bad at this lol.