Is it too soon to move in with each other?

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RetroGamer87
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30 Mar 2018, 6:53 pm

GF has asked me if I want her to move in with me. I'll admit that it sounds appealing. I enjoy her company, she doesn't nag and she's very attractive.

But I've only known her for a few weeks. Isn't that too soon? We don't get into arguments when she stays in my apartment. The only objection I can think of is that we haven't known each other for long enough. Is that a valid objection?

She wants to spend more time with me and there's a part of me that wants to spend more time with her but there's another part of me that wonders if it's too soon. Whaddya think?


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kraftiekortie
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30 Mar 2018, 7:02 pm

It's probably too soon.

What sort of living arrangements does she have now?

Once she moves in, it won't be busy to get her out should she change and become something she was not previously.



RetroGamer87
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30 Mar 2018, 7:18 pm

She's renting a room in a house owned and occupied by an old man she calls Grandpa.

I suggested she stay over for a week long trial, beginning on Monday.

I'm a little concerned about whether or not I'll have room for her clothing and other possessions. My apartment is just about full, as is my closet. Frustratingly the apartment doesn't have a walk-in closet, although if I moved some stuff around I might be able to fit a dresser in the corner of the master bedroom. The other bedroom is used as a storage room. She requested permission to put all her stuff in that room, which I gave her since no one ever sees that room so more clutter in that room will go largely unnoticed.

I don't want to buy too much more furniture since I was thinking of moving out in the next year or two and that furniture might not be suitable for my next residence. This is the reason I haven't replaced the inadequate balcony furniture. While I have a relatively large balcony my next apartment may have a balcony only a quarter as large, so the furniture might not fit.

It would certainly be good for me to have someone help me by paying half of the rent. My other concerns are that I might not have enough alone time or that I might feel obligated to entertain her all the time. Then again her work hours differ from mine so I'll probably have plenty of time to myself anyway.

She likes to cook for me but I'm concerned that too many home cooked meals could make me gain weight. I'll request that she cook me something healthy but even health food can be fattening if consumed in large enough quantities.


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kraftiekortie
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30 Mar 2018, 7:34 pm

How much do you like this girl? Do you desire her frequently?

Do you like her company?

The week-long trial might be a good way to assess the situation.

Thank her for cooking for you.....but make sure you thank her profusely should she cook "healthy" for you. Otherwise, she might think you're taking her for granted.



CockneyRebel
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30 Mar 2018, 10:43 pm

I think three weeks is too soon.


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yellowtamarin
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30 Mar 2018, 11:10 pm

It would be too soon for most people, but it's up to you two to decide.



goldfish21
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31 Mar 2018, 12:01 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I think three weeks is too soon.


Yeah, me too. I'd tell her I wanted to date longer and really get a feel for how your relationship evolves before taking such a big step. Simple as that for me.


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redbrick1
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31 Mar 2018, 12:16 am

A week is way too soon. My recommendation is to sleep over her house a coupke of nights a week.
Doesnt nag, now..bur will. There will be things you are going to need to work out with her.
I might be a bit concerned that a girl you only know a week wants to move so quickly, a bit of a red for me.



The_Face_of_Boo
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31 Mar 2018, 12:20 am

Is there a law in Australia where you have to divide your possessions on break up with a gf who lived with you long enough? (if I recall right, that was the case of Sweden).
You better check that.



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31 Mar 2018, 12:23 am

Since you have a feeling of it being too soon, I'd suggest listening to your own intuition even when you can't pinpoint a precise reason. You ought to feel like YES! And not umm, ok. Give it a few more weeks and you will probably be much more certain which way to go.



RetroGamer87
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31 Mar 2018, 12:45 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
How much do you like this girl? Do you desire her frequently?

Do you like her company?


Quite a lot, yes and yes.


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RetroGamer87
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31 Mar 2018, 12:46 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is there a law in Australia where you have to divide your possessions on break up with a gf who lived with you long enough? (if I recall right, that was the case of Sweden).
You better check that.


I hope so because she has a large sum of money in the bank.


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goldfish21
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31 Mar 2018, 2:33 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is there a law in Australia where you have to divide your possessions on break up with a gf who lived with you long enough? (if I recall right, that was the case of Sweden).
You better check that.


I hope so because she has a large sum of money in the bank.


Well then at least we know her motives aren't likely financial. I would guess that MOST people here would caution against moving someone in so soon because the major red flag that arises is that they're simply looking for someone to look after them financially, pay their rent etc. It's good that's not likely the case.

But still, if it were ME I would want to wait a hell of a lot longer than a few weeks before moving in with each other. I'd literally want to get to know them better, get a real true understanding of how your relationship develops, see if I really REALLY did care about/love this person enough to live with them, make sure they didn't turn out to be someone I didn't want to be with.. and also just let some time pass so that the initial honeymoon phase of the relationship had passed and I knew that I truly REALLY did want to be with them to the point of moving in together. Moving in together would be a MASSIVE step for me, like practically getting married, really. I mean besides official paperwork and a couple symbolic rings on your respective fingers, it's not all that different. Yes, I know that moving in together isn't a lifelong commitment like taking wedding vows.. but still, it's pretty huge and I'd definitely want a lot more than a few weeks to figure out for sure if that's what I wanted.

But that's just me and entirely hypothetical, anyways. I've dated, but never even had a significant other & that isn't too likely to change anytime in the foreseeable future... sooooo, I'm not too likely to ever really truly be faced with this situation or decision myself. It's all just my opinion & thoughts on the matter, really. It's somewhat based on my observation of others' relationships, though. I think there's a good reason MOST people take a lot more time than a few weeks of knowing each other before moving in together. Like months, even years. BUT, it's your life and up to you. IF you do go ahead and do this, do it as wisely as possible and don't set yourself up for financial ruin or heartache.


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RetroGamer87
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31 Mar 2018, 3:00 am

goldfish21 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Is there a law in Australia where you have to divide your possessions on break up with a gf who lived with you long enough? (if I recall right, that was the case of Sweden).
You better check that.


I hope so because she has a large sum of money in the bank.


Well then at least we know her motives aren't likely financial. I would guess that MOST people here would caution against moving someone in so soon because the major red flag that arises is that they're simply looking for someone to look after them financially, pay their rent etc. It's good that's not likely the case.


No I don't think she's trying to get money. In addition to suggesting we move into togother she's also suggested we pool our money to buy a place in the near future (she has considerably more than I do).

Now I have to decide between a house or an apartment. There's nice one selling on the 16th floor of the building her best friend lives in. My instinct is to go for it because it could be fun living up there (and the city has consideribly better amenities than the suburbs) but maybe it would be more practical to just by a house in the burbs. It would give us a lot more room and I wouldn't have to pay extra to pay for a paring space for her car. But living on a quarter acre in the outer boondocks just sounds so boring!


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goldfish21
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31 Mar 2018, 3:13 am

8O

You've known each other for a few weeks and are talking about buying a home together? :?

I'm not saying it won't work out. Some people have literally gotten married the day they met, and then stayed together.

But still.. the whole thing sounds WAY too fast for either of you to reeeeeeallly know. I'd slow things down if I were in your shoes.


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31 Mar 2018, 3:24 am

Well if you do move in together so soon, I would certainly give it a trial period first. It was a few months before me and my boyfriend moved in together and it was sooner than we planned because his room-mates were being sh*tty. I imagine some people might say that was too soon.

However I certainly would not go as far as getting a house together yet, it would definitely be better to rent an apartment to see how it goes...and if all goes well than consider the house.


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