My friend trying to convince me to re-marry

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My friend is trying to convince me to re-marry.

She is saying ‘how will you raise two kids by yourself with all their health problems etc’

She is asking me to meet a divorced man.
I don’t think, as an Aspie woman, I ever want to experience a relationship again.

Her concerns are related to practical things. Like splitting responsibilities giving kids a sense of a step dad in the home, etc.

I know my deficiencies of socializing,
overly loving someone and then being blind to faults and too easily controlled and manipulated.
Also I think if the next relationship leads to breakup or divorce It will absolutely crush me and the kids.
The risk is too high.

Also I know how annoying I am.

I tried to tell her but she thinks my refusal is just a ‘phase’.

How do I explain to her that I am not mentally equipped to deal with all the possibilities burdens and risks of a relationship ever again?

How are you managing raising your kids on your own? Where is the father is all this? Is he an active father?

My mother was, basically, a "single mother" after my father left the roost when I was 11 years old.

In practical terms, it's better to have two people raising kids than one kid---but then, everything is not "practical." There's something called "love." And something called "attraction."

I wouldn't marry someone unless you love him, and are attracted to him. Marrying just to have a "dad" around the house could very well be a recipe for disaster.

Saying all this: do you feel overwhelmed raising your kids? Do you have severe, practical problems when it comes to child care? (I'm talking about something like you working, and babysitters for the kids--not your ability or inability to raise your kids).

He is active in terms of —he also comes along in most appointments and takes them in the evenings most days.
He also randomly gets into evil moods where he attempts to sabotage things related to me or kids’ activities which is very unnerving and distressing.


The point my friend is making is like entering into a relationship almost as a business partnership.
The love is supposed to develop afterwards or during.

This is how it’s done in our culture/religion USUALLY (I mean if u adhere to the traditions or religious rules, which we do)...

However as I already had such a bad experience following this method, maybe just because the particular person turned out to be malignant, I cannot agree to such practices again.

The alternatives would be single (my opinion the best option with least risks) or dating the way western people do (which sounds like a ruthless and very cruel system to me judging by the posts here) .

As for raising kids it is difficult / impossible but I need to find practical solutions , that don’t involve meeting and eventually marrying a random man just because he’s willing.

It sounds really like a bad recipe, as you said.

It seems like you live in a conservative society. This would make it more difficult to marry some "random" guy. Which is good in many senses. Are you formally divorced from this person?

I would say, probably, the only way you can meet another man, if desired, is to go to some "singles' gathering" or something. If I knew your culture, I would be able to research it more, and give you better advice. I can understand it if you don't want to reveal your culture, or where you are.

Was your marriage "arranged," or did you marry out of love?

I'm sorry he seeks to sabotage you and your kids when he is in one of his "evil moods." Otherwise, your problem is mostly solved, since he is an active father.

It's a hard business, raising kids on your own. But it can be done. Just don't listen to those who seek to judge you.

Ok!

It’s good to get validation here from sensible people.

i keep second guessing my decision because of pressure, but you guys are right.

But maybe it's not a bad idea to find a sugar daddy, a lot of single moms do it.

Ew

You don't owe your friend an explanation for why you're not interested in remarrying.

But you seem to have listed the reasons fairly well in the OP.. so why not just tell your friend what you told us?

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I did. I guess my question is more
What do you do when ppl keep pressuring you and won’t stop?

And say your decision is just a ‘phase’?

That’s good. I think I will copy paste what you put here and maybe adjust it a little so she doesn’t take it the wrong way. Thanks. I suck at social things.

The real question is why your friend thinks she has the right to tell you what you should/shouldn't be doing. Are you actively asking her about this stuff? If not, then it isn't her business what you do with your life.