Personality & attractiveness for dating and romance

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all,

I have been sorting this out for awhile, and I realise there some personality factor indicating how people make friends and relationships. I learned about the differences of introverted and extroverted people, as well to types of personalities such as Type-A and Type-B, breaking down into different sub-personalities.

I didn't realise that being an aspie is a huge disadvantage to popular personality of Type-A who show symptoms of narcissism, highly extroverted, loud, too outgoing and competitive people. They tend to miss a lot of information regarding diversity and privilege in general society. Imagine an aspie have friends who have this type of personality? There is a major factor exposing their attitudes and denial accepting people are different. You can see they usually hang around in high retail malls, festivals, night clubs, sports, music scenes and related areas.

Here in Brisbane I cope a lot of Type-A personalities in my network due to similar interests. This explains why I still haven't find a girlfriend nor a date at age of 27 despite I have strong confidence talking to women in general. I never been shy nor anxious to say a single word to them. Unfortunately what impacts me is the personalities - driven disorder kinds into this familiar attitudes. Like selfies, competitiveness, Instagrammers, closed circle of friends (who have no ability to make new friends outside of circles), always go partying and related activities. From my aspie's perspective I see this is dominant personality and attitudes in today society because of struggling to connect with people even in similar passions, interests and values.

For instance I have been involved in environmental groups due to my passions, career and interests. I am old fashioned person like valuing future on similar interests with other people. Unfortunately there are so many Type-A passive-aggressive and competitive personalities in social networking. It bloody everywhere I go where things makes me happy but these 'dominant' personalities kept following me. I have a feeling this influence of technology and media development caused them to become selfish with lack of people's skills.

This hugely seems explains why I still struggle to find a girlfriend who have common interests, passions and values as me despite there are thousands and thousands of women who have same of them but their personality disorders kept ruining my chances. It like saying people tell me I have too high standards. That is not true, its the way how the society creates high standards against me because I am not accepted human being due to my different identity.

I tried to find introverted, anxious and quiet type of people in Meetup groups and somewhere not very common to find an event where they come out and networking. This proven difficult for me to get friends and a girlfriend. That explains why the lateness of my life of finding right people. Imagine if I am not an aspie today.

How does liking Instagram correlate to having a personality disorder?

Just because people are different to you, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them. That’s similar to people who are anti aspie.

Unfortunately, confidence talking to the opposite sex isn't the only factor that contributes to one's chances of finding a significant other. If it was, I should've had a dozen girlfriends at this point.

I think a part of it is also about your own personality and how other people "rank" it. Chances are you possess some personality traits that not many women ultimately seek in a long-term partner.

Do you have a few women friends, or even know a few you could talk to frankly?

I would ask them what they see in you that would be problematic for romantic relationships. The reason I suggest this is on a forum like this, we can only see what you type. And what you type is your self-image. More objective or at least, external, information is necessary.

I have more female friends than male friends. Been like that for entire 20s since university years. I had one female friend, assuming she said herself on the spectrum kept saying I have been negative, stubborn and selfish in conversations. While others who I knew longer doesn't judge my personalities and quirks. They just said they don't see me attractive.

I have asked them why I couldn't find a girlfriend and they are all said no idea it just didn't happen. They said the time haven't come yet.

Well, that is the wrong question. Ask them what they see in you that would be problematic for romantic relationships.

Don't dismiss the remarks of the woman who said "negative, stubborn and selfish in conversations." And women friends who answer "no idea" or "the time hasn't come yet" are trying to be supportive, but that is not moving you forward any.

I've observed in another thread that your communication could be problematical, and someone told me English is not your native language. But let's return to this. I would say communication is extremely important in building trust and intimacy. I recommend you start to analyze your own conversational role and style, and see if you are being open to the other person's words and ideas, or are you putting up a wall when you don't like something they say. Instead of remarking, "No, I'm sure you're wrong," try to say "Hmm... I haven't thought of that before. Can you say more about it?