Winning An Ex Back Possible?

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I'd very much like to run this by you guys, as it's been deeply troubling me lately. My girlfriend and I broke up last week and one of the main causes of it was due to the depressive episodes I occasionally have. I really love her and want to win her back, so I was hoping for some advice on what to do next because I can't seem to think too clearly on a right course of action.

We're both working adults and have been together for about a year. In this duration, we hardly got into any serious arguments. She was an extremely loving and patient person towards me despite my many shortcomings. Towards the end, she said she was willing to stick around me but I was the one pushing her away because one of my episodes had triggered and shut everyone out. A couple of days back, I tried apologizing and asking for a second chance, but she needed some time to think this through. I've been pretty lost since the breakup but I know I need to pick myself back up, that's why I'm asking for some advice on what I should do next.

Much appreciated.

Are you willing to change how you deal with your depressed moods, or do you just want this awful pain of separation to go away?

If you can offer her a sincere and genuine change, try wining her back. If you just want the pain of separation to end, do both of you a favor and go for a run or something.

Have you been getting any treatment for your depression? If not it may help if you start getting counseling & taking meds & if your doing one of those already, try doing the other too. It will show her your trying to work on your depression.

I second the two posts above. Take it upon yourself to work on your depression first - only then can you seriously consider pursuing a new relationship with her. It's pretty clear that it didn't work out because of it the first time around.

I have never, in my entire life, broken up and gotten back with an ex and had it last for any meaningful length of time. Once someone is willing to end a relationship they've already reached the point where their emotional bond with you is minimal, at best. My advice is move on. You have some things you need to address on your own first anyway. When you get that straightened out then go looking for a new partner. The one you had checked out of that relationship a while before they ended it.

Of course it's possible. Extremely tricky yes, but I don't see how that's so different from everything else people ask about here. There's no reason to listen to what others think is impossible.

I don't really buy the fix-yourself-first ideas about depression. There's no magical off switch for it. The real cure isn't drugs & therapy, it's spending time with people you know. Don't let depression interfere but absolutely don't let it isolate you, it's not like one condition invalidates everything you say.

Not to be an ass, but you shouldn't bother, an Ex is an Ex for a reason and if you do get back together with them, there's a good chance it'll just hurt you in the long run if they decide on second thoughts on being with you again or vice versa

I know how it's like to be in a depressive mood after a break up, it happens, but nothing good's going to change if you keep dwelling on it. Just do what you can to move on forward; if you play Magic the Gathering or D&D, or you're wanting to, find a store that plays; both are very fun but MtG can be kinda expensive depending on the format

Just something to keep yourself occupied with in the meantime

I am a loving and patient person. I was married for nearly 20 years to someone on the spectrum. In the end, I couldn't stay because when he had depressive episodes or 'nervous' episodes he would take things out on me or shut me out. He was also unable to support me when I most needed emotional or physical support (for example when I had our son). I eventually just got tired of giving and giving and not really getting enough back. I have depression, too - so it's not just that. It's that the relationship was one-sided. At one point, when I was at a terrible, terrible low he told me that he was so happy that our relationship improved because he felt 'so supported'. But for me, I was getting zero support, just a lot of criticism, and no sex, little affection and no encouragement.

For her, being shut out is being rejected. And it doesn't matter how she might be able to rationalise intellectually that you have a condition that makes these things more likely, if her basic emotional needs aren't being met then the relationship isn't working for her. For her to even consider getting back together you need to show her that you not only understand her needs in the relationship but you are willing to work on helping her get those needs met - some of that might be about improving your own mental health and some of that might be about your behaviours. But unless you can demonstrate real and positive change that is driven from a place of empathy and love, she's better off out.

I think this needs to be thought about differently. Instead of focusing on "winning her back" I think you need to do some serious reflections about yourself and the reason she left. You said she left because of your depressive episodes and that she feels you were pushing her away. I think you should see a counselor and work on your depression and how you react to it to make you more accommodating for a relationship. I think if you do this and forget about trying to "win her back" she may come back on her own eventually as she will see you are trying to make a change as a person and not merely grab back on to her as a crutch.