How important is it that a couple's interests match up?

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Based on the relationships I've seen between people of my generation, it would seem that matching interests are an important part of relationships. But I've also noticed that, often, this is less the case with older couples; my parents don't like the same music, and the only thing they like to do together is watch sitcoms. Perhaps being with someone with different interests is more difficult than it used to be?

Whenever I determine whether or not I should pursue a girl, I always factor in how her interests compare to mine; I wouldn't want to not have anything to talk about with her. But I also wonder if I'm being too picky.

I think relationships have changed a lot in the past 50 years... and that this is a good thing.

I could never understand the type of relationship where the two people involved had little or nothing in common. Most of the time, I'd hear one or the other person putting their partner down all the time (when I was in school, or working, with one or both of them). It just made no sense to me, in terms of there being enough there to really hold two people together. A shared life of mutual contempt? Not a very nice way to live.

The biggie of course is values, and I was amazed at how many couples I knew who didn't even share those.

So yay if more overlap is preferred these days.

On a positive note, since this sounds soooo cynical(!) Even then I knew a few couples whose relationships - marriage or partnership - were truly amazing, like a lighthouse on a dark night. And every one of these couples shared values and interests, and they each respected their beloved as well as loving them. So yeah, that seems to be the formula for real success .

Most of my interests are things I like to do alone, or I already have a social group to do them with, so it doesn't matter much whether my partner likes them too.

E.g. If my partner likes boardgames, excellent! I can play more often. If they don't, oh well, I'll just keep playing with other people.

For me it's most important that we can communicate on the same wavelength, have interesting/deep discussions, be comfortable in each other's presence, have fun, and be intimate. If my partner has interests that I don't share, but insists on subjecting me to them, that would be a problem. If they do them in their own time, that's fine.

But I guess we do have to share "interests" in doing some kinds of activities, like going for walks or watching movies etc. so we actually have ways to pass the time when talking and making out are no longer enough!

It doesn't matter so much if people in a couple have some different interests so long as they still have avenues through which to bond and enjoy each other's company, so shared interests help too.

I never cared about interests when looking for a partner. My 1st girlfriend had a lot of similar interests as me which was the reason we were friends a while before she told me she liked me. Me & my current girlfriend don't have that many common interests. She likes reading, writing, art, spirituality, photography, & spending time with her family & I'm not into any of that stuff thou she doesn't indulge in some of those interests very often. I like spending time on computer(like this forum) while listening to music, watching TV, & playing video-games alittle. Cass also likes watching TV, playing vid-games, & music. Some of the shows we like are different but I watch em with her because I want to spend time with her. She plays xBox a lot lately & most of the games are one person so I just watch her play so I can spend time with her. Sometimes we'll play a game together but not very often. We do other things together thou that are unrelated to interests like going shopping, going to each others appointments with them, talking to each other about what's going on in our lives & stuff, going to the laundromat. I spend a lot of time with her but a good bit of it isn't common interests & that's OK with me. I've been a loner my whole life & mostly indulged in my interests by myself. Spending time with Cass is way more important to me than indulging in my interests. What's important to me is that she accepts me, respects me, supports me, & other similar things & that's what's important to her too.

I've always felt that at least one common interest is important. I'd have trouble being in a relationship with someone who doesn't at least like music - preferably beyond modern pop and EDM.

Liking video games is less important but a definite plus.

There are people on here who will tell you that you should be able to enjoy doing something you hate if you like the person you're doing it with enough so mutual interests aren't important. Don't listen to them.

I wouldn’t say you have to do something you hate.

It’s a question of how much you’re actually interested in the other person. One girl might want to do something and I’m like heck no I’m not doing that. Another girl might suggest the same thing and I’m all over it. The right person can make you want to do things you’d never dream of doing.

I took up endurance running because my wife wanted to do it. I did my first 5k and decided I was DONE. And then I found out about a 5k where I live, so...what the heck. Why not? And then I did a 5k in my hometown. Then a year after all this started we did a 10k. I was like, that was easy. Why not a half-marathon? So I did a half marathon. And then I heard about another half where my wife went to college, so we spent the night at her friend’s house and I ran the half the next morning. That was Saturday, in fact. And I beat my previous half by just over 15 minutes. 1:58:26 to be precise. I’m feeling kinda good about myself, so my Wednesday run across town I gave it everything I had and made it slightly over 5 miles in 50 minutes, which is 3 minutes better than my previous best time. And today I was planning on donating platelets, so I ran to the donation center, about 3.1 miles. My iron was too low today and I had nothing else to do, so I ran back. Tomorrow my plan is to get some good cardio work in on a machine to give my knees a break.

Point is, it’s become a new hobby. And I’m strategizing to improve my pace, find shortcuts to get point-to-point through town. I’m also aspiring to run triathlons. So I’m working on stength training in the off season so I can build up the muscles I use for swimming. It’s gonna be a while before I can work my cycling game.

Previously I had LESS than zero interest in distance running, weight lifting, cycling...EVERYTHING. Now I’m working out every chance I get and I dread my rest days.

And it all started because my wife wanted to run 5k races. I hate sports. I hate running. I hate the side stitches, the sore legs, the toe blisters, the summer heat, the blistering cold winter wind, the rain...all of it. I hate how after a long run the first time I go out and it feels like someone is shoving needles through my knees.

But that “runner’s high” is just too much to resist and I just can’t help it. The way she looks at the new muscles like I’m a piece of meat. The hope of being there when my grandchildren get married. It takes a special girl to get a guy like me into this stuff, and here I am. I’ve never been with someone who makes me feel this way. Falling in love with everything I always hated, doing things with my body that back in my teen years made me feel as though I was near death...and loving every minute of it now! The right person can inspire that kind of change.

When you look at casual dating, the just getting to know someone phase, you probably won’t feel so inspired to rewrite the script of your personality. But the question remains just how interested are you in another person? And a lot of times that means taking an active interest in things you never previously cared for all for the sake of getting closer to someone and getting to know her. If you want people to be interested in you, you first have to show you are interested in them.

Now, if it means doing something utterly repulsive, ok, fine, then don’t. If it’s against your religion or morally compromising, just don’t. But if you’re interested in someone, then you owe it to yourself and her to give something new at least a chance. You might find it’s not so bad and totally worth it for the right person.

It’s not about having to do something you hate just to impress someone. It’s more about keeping an open mind.

i'm thinking that each human is akin to a circle in a Venn diagram, and one or the other or both circles must have major portions of overlap, or else they are just isolated circles. my Venn circle seems congenitally incapable of overlapping with any other circle.

Mutual interests are important. You don't have to have everything in common, but you should at least have several things in common.

Several? I don't have very many interests...if we have several in common then we probably have everything on common

I am a believer that partners must be able to watch a good number of tv shows and movies together, eat meals together and sleep together. The rest of the common interests are often figured out before this happens though if I remember correctly. But nights at the movie theatre will come during the early stages. Figuring out fun activities to do helps.

I've encountered many young guys who think they are a good match with a girl because she's nice to them and they have a lot in common as far as interests and hobbies go. It helps to have a few things in common like this but that in itself does not constitute a good match. What is far more important, in my opinion, is compatible lifestyles, goals, life/political philosophies and perspectives.

i'm still a bit baffled as to why so many right-wing men end up with left-wing women?

When I met Mr. Chess, back in '89, our "shared interests" were limited to not much more than Phantom of the Opera and the books of Richard Bach.

A fairly slender reed, if you ask me. I loved dancing, horseback riding, books, gaming, and computers. He didn't dance, had been on a horse maybe twice, was a light reader, and didn't have any big interest in gaming or computers. (By gaming I mean RPGs.)

He loved travel, theater, opera, and football. I disliked the chaos of travel, had little experience of theater and none of opera, and couldn't have cared less about football.

We're coming up on our 26th anniversary in a month. I've moved away from dancing and horseback riding, and gained an interest in travel and football. He's less likely to listen to opera these days. We go see shows that interest us both, have over five thousand books in the house, and play MMORPGs together often.

We have, sometimes by luck and sometimes by deliberate choice, grown to share more interests as our lives spilled into one another's.

It's lovely.

I haven't seen that much myself but those types of differences within a marriage often contribute to divorce.

I knew one couple in their 80s who has been married for decades and she was a registered democrat and he was a registered republican who liked to talk and speak his mind and then the wife would call him by his full name and scold him but I think she got a thrill out of his shock jock personality and they both got a thrill out of the bickering.