Online Love - Is it real?

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This is from a previous post that i did, discussing a topic and asking for advice.

"Hi Everyone.

I don't know where to begin really, i just feel a bit down at the moment. I basically met this guy online around nine months ago now, he approached me on youtube and we got chatting for a while, then their was this talk on potentially meeting up and he was willing to meet and speak to my parents and he even said that his sister and his mum were willing to speak with them too. My family went mental and when i spoke to him twice on the phone, they would snatch the phone off me, have a go at me for talking to him and then the second time they contacted him, using my phone. My brother shouted out pervert for him to hear too. They text him and then warned him to end all contact with me after the second time they snatched my phone. Shouting as well, saying they'll get the police and social services involved. They gave me ultimatums that if i was to meet him, i'd be chucked out and they would have a go at me, saying that i was groomed and he might've raped me and was probably impersonating someone ect. I met him on webcam after he approached me and i wouldn't of ever met up with anyone on my own and would've met him in a public place, we spoke for months and got to know one another before we discussed meeting, we exchanged numbers after a while too. I understand that my parents didn't approve of anything but the way they dealt with it traumatised me, they've told me to forget all about it and move on now. They went from considering it to just warning him off and going on about online grooming and they didn't meet nor spoke to him or his family, when this chap said that he was willing to meet and talk to them, same goes with his mum and sister. There was a misunderstanding in regards to age, he mistakenly told me he was 13 years older when he's actually 19 years older than me, he never told me he was an uncle and that his sister was married, only said he had a sister and she had a partner, due to communication errors, it looks as if he wasn't whom he said he was, even though he can prove whom he is. He said he respected his sisters privacy, that is why he didn't mention that fact. I found that all the time he was interested in me, he left flirty compliments on other ladies you tube videos, which he claim is "hippy talk" and just "compliments" but it's me he likes and his family and gardening clients know about me ect and he's just a complimentary person and theirs nothing more un towards. Theirs an age difference and a difference geographically, he's two and a half hours away from me and even though we haven't physically met, we did spent endless hours, talking on skype, the phone, on webcam and left each other messages throughout the day for months on end and got to know each other. He claims to be vulnerable and have AS like traits too, like me and we more or less got along. We stupidly used to exchange sex messages but i reciprocated and i've never done that before, we were two lonely single people and consensual adults but my parents found out and went mental but most of the time, we generally spoke about general and mundane things. It has still had an impact on me though, as i got to know him for months, i find it hard to meet and talk to anyone and i'm a vulnerable lady of 28. I don't go out clubbing or pubbing or anything like that, i'm introverted and socially awkward and definitely not the type to initiate anything or actively look to date. My parents are protective and i appreciate the fact they did some investigating and looked out for me but they can be extreme with the over protectiveness, like if i want to date someone in the future, i will have to be dropped off and picked up from somewhere and i'm restricted in that sense and i want that to change. They often talk about me like i'm a teenager or a young girl then a women of 28. I haven't had help from anyone but i'm currently taking kalm tablets as i have anxiety issues and suffered with panic attacks and a couple of years ago i self harmed. I just feel so low all the time and all i've done for months is with drawn myself and i just finding it hard to regain my confidence, especially when my main company was this guy online and all we wanted to do was meet for a coffee, i wanted someone to go with me for support and i wouldn't of gone alone due to my vulnerability and anxiety and plus he's someone i met online. I feel so lonely and depressed. I emailed mind and they recommended numbers for me to call and advise on how to get help with my gp and contacts for groups to potentially join but i'm wondering if theirs a way on getting some form of mediation involved and a way to build bridges, for me and this chap that still would like to meet and i've grown attached to him and still really like him.

Can i just say, this chap, despite being threatened to keep away, has stuck by me, been abiding, never forced me to do anything, was all for me meeting him with someone and not go alone, he advised me to go to my gp and get anti depressants as he was concerned for my health and wellbeing as i told him about my anxiety and depression. I've contacted organisations and places that i thought would help with mediation and helping us to meet.
He was willing to even come down to my area to see me. Support me. I've confided in him and told him about someone that bullies me and he's willing to defend me and support me. He's still willing to prove that he's genuine too.


Regards
Sorrowfairiewhisper"



My question to everyone is that.
If you've spoken to someone for nine solid months, met them on webcam, spoken to them on the phone and messaged every day and you think about them none stop and got emotionally attached and involved and felt a love, would you say the love is real? or an illusion? we haven't physically met and of course being online it's a glossary, you truly get to know someone when you've spent time with them and i get told that you cannot love someone if you've haven't spent time with them physically. Trouble is, i dont want people to laugh or mock me but i think i genuinely love this man. People make me feel as if theirs something wrong with me because of this, it sounds illogical i know and upon reflection, if i didn't feel the same i way, i would say the same as others but since theirs feelings involved, i feel like i'm in love. Anyone else ever experience this?

I can and have. People can’t define love for you or others.

It can be real. My BFF met his current girlfriend online, and the two are utterly in love with each other. I've experienced something similar, although a mere crush was as far as it went in my case.

Ultimately, just as Sly said, what is real love and what isn't is up to the individual to decide.

I've been there before...I kind of overreacted when I got upset with a person who had accused me of being in a "fake relationship", especially since I was pretty heartbroken about the recent breakup I was enduring. I guess some people are just too shallow to imagine having an intellectually stimulating relationship that goes deeper than just sharing physical contact

BTW, no offense, but some paragraph breaks would be nice

He sounds like he could be an okay guy.

Still, be cautious.

If you were to meet him, meet him in a public place.

Thank you to everyone that has replied. I agree entirely that the love is genuine, people judge what they don't understand.

As for this guy, may parents won't relent but i'm asking for support outside, so that we can eventually meet.
If he was dodgy, he wouldn't of stuck around like he has or insist on proving himself to people. He gets things wrong granted but i think he's genuine but due to his social disorder, people get the wrong idea.

I agree that if you've spoken and met someone on webcam and spoken to them and got to know them, they're real and you do fall in love with them, even if the communication digital, it's still a person you're falling for .

I met both my exes & current girlfriend on online forums(ladder two were on this one) & we fell in love before we met up in offline so i would defiantly say that the love is real.

It's nice to hear that people have actually found rea and genuine love online. It's a shame that people judge it and dont understand it.

I DO believe that it is possible to fall in love without ever having met physically.

I would say though, that it is MUCH EASIER to fall in love when the relationship is only online/skype/phone. Nobody is arguing about who should take out the trash, who spent too much money, or what to eat for dinner.

Loving someone online is loving an abbreviated version of that person in a virtual world. That is what people are trying to tell you. Your love has not been tested in the real world.

Now about that age discrepancy - he said he was 13 but he is actually 47? Was that a typo?

You're absolutely right! he could be totally different as opposed to how he is online/skype and phone. I don't know about how he reacts and deals with situations, what his characteristics and traits are like or habits, only going by his word and what i've picked up online really. He was supposedly 13 years older turns out more then that, so i thought when we met, he was 40 but he was 46 instead. Yikes! he's 47 now apparently, whereas i'm now 28. I think i've allowed my feelings and attachment to cloud my view really but need to apply logic and reasoning into the situation. I love him sure but that's from knowing him online/skype and phone, real life, however it could be an entirely different ball game.

I met my boyfriend on Okcupid, and I met up with him IRL after just a couple of weeks of talking to him or something like that. I didn't really tell anyone because I was worried about negative responses from family about going to meet someone I had only talked to online. So that was a little bit intimidating because if something did go bad no one would have known exactly where I was. But I took the chance and met him, it was at a public place though we had to walk a ways from the lightrail station to get there...so I admit I was a little nervous maybe it was going to be some horrible senerio where he leads me to some alleyway to have his way(like I didn't get that feeling from him, I just had heard horror stories of meeting psychos online). But we made it to the place, had a pretty good time and we are still together 3 years later.

But yeah I would say there is some stigma, but its kind of dangerous because then it discourages people from letting trusted family/friends know where they are going when they meet someone from online. Like I figured my mom would freak out if I told her I was going to go meet a guy downtown I talked to online. So I just didn't tell anyone, went and met him and then introduced him when he became my boyfriend. Then I told people we met online, because well it was after the fact, too late for anyone to have pressured me not to see him.

Well maybe in your case they weren't just worried about you meeting someone online, but they are concerned about the age gap? That is certainly a possibility.

Thank you for sharing your experience and story with us Sweetleaf. I'm glad that it was a success and that you're still together with this man. I think you're right! many people question the fact he wasn't entirely honest about himself, find it odd how he approached and met me and indeed the age gap, people have said to me, what if you're both at different stages in your life? it's flattery for him to have a much younger women on his arms but not good for me. People have said that if me and him were good together, theirs a chance i'd have to care for him. People have judged me too, saying why would you be interested of a man that's old enough to be your dad. When they put it like that, they have a point! i have feelings for him but then realistically , what they're saying is true.

Update.

This man i've mentioned, got in touch, he told me that he'll find out whom to contact and will prove to people that he's genuine and is whom he says he is, he didn't mean to say when we met that he was 13yrs older or not mention the fact hes an uncle. He claims he gets things wrong and his sister told him not to mention her business, so that's why he didn't mention he's an uncle. He said he'll prove that he's genuine and contact the social, as when my mum spoke to him when she took my phoned and warned him away weeks ago, she told him she'll get the social and police involved.

I'm frustrated with the whole situation and stressed, i didn't asked to be approached or wooed online, i even offered friendship, he said it'll fizzle out and then we got close. I didn't asked for this or to get given such a hard time either. Difficult situation to be in.

The police can NOT do anything to him or to stop you from being with him since your an adult. The only way they will do anything is if your parents went to court to have guardianship of you cuz your not mentally an adult.

I am vulnerable but not that vulnerable and they've given me ultimatums, like my dad said he'll chuck me out if met him but by him contacting the social, if he proves he's genuine then all will be dealt with. Right now he was warned to keep away by my parents, they threatened getting the police involved and got the social involved and it's noted down that he wasn't genuine and that i was as a vulnerable adult, about to be groomed. I wouldn't of ever met him alone and would've met him with someone in a public place, he was willing to speak and meet my mum and this is the only way to resolve things now.