What to do as a guy if feeling like I am too feminine?

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What to do as a guy if I am feeling like I am too feminine and it's a big source of insecurity?

I avoid clothing that seems feminine to me and stick to basic stuff usually monochrome/neutral colors. I try to repress what I feel are feminine behaviours/mannerisms but it leads to being non-expressive.

I don't know if it is an anxiety based thing thinking I am super feminine or a real thing like actually being super feminine. I try working out, have built some muscle but feel the same.

Why does feeling feminine cause insecurity for you?

Now I am sure many will tell you useless advice here as usual like 'don't repress this side in you! - embrace your feminine side!' bla bla - but I can assure you: Number wise, most women won't date feminine-behaving guys, even the same women who would tell you those things, in fact they would assume quickly that you're gay even if you're far from it or even if they know you aren't they would feel embarrassed if they're dating you in front of their friends.
You should understand, that usually in the typical NT Womansphere, any hint or glimpse of disapproval from the girl's female friends and you no longer a prospect boyfriend material.

That's why it's always by far harder to impress or even to relate to a girl when she's with her female friends rather than within a one-to-one date. When they are in a hive/group mode (That's when they're physically together) they become the worst guy's nightmare (well not really, just in term of dating), hot-or-not's judgmental-mentality goes at its peak.

Grow a beard.

I find Swedish men are quite feminine. Lots of pink and pastels and lots of sun beds and facials and pruning themselves. One Swedish guy I went out with shaved his armpits. He would also make me fresh scones from scratch for breakfast every morning. He absolutely loved musicals. Other aspects of him were not the least bit feminine. He had a conviction for GBH from his teenage years and was a pro-diver (courtesy of the Swedish state, paying for him to become a divemaster) as part of his probation program. Not saying him having a conviction makes him more "'male" but being a pro diver in that time and place certainly was more male dominated. People are complex.

Useless advice coming up..... cover your ears Boo....... I would just be yourself. What on earth is the point in atttacting partners that you spend your time faking it with?

Last edited by elsapelsa on 24 May 2018, 1:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

My brother has embraced his feminine side and well women do not dislike it or maybe he is just meeting the right ones. Lol his girlfriend doesn't care, she probably likes it...

He has a beard to, he shaved it not too long ago so its not much of a beard but he still has it, yet he still has some feminine looks....I mean he wears womens pants and it looks good, he has more feminine behaviors than me but yeah he does not struggle to get positive female attention.

I mean fun fact male vikings where more feminine looking than a lot of men today, yet the women were more masculine looking. Like Viking males where apparently rather vain and did care a lot about looks, like they found ancient Q-tip devices to clean wax out of the ears and combs they used for their hair and beards. I mean the Vikings are seen as one of the most fierce invaders of their time....yet they were not the barbarians people think of. They groomed themselves and tried to look good. Also archaeological evidence shows that they looked more feminine, hence why it is hard to distinguish male and female viking skeletons. So perhaps people now-days put too much stock in how women and men are supposed to look.

Point is though you should not feel insecure, you just have to try and be comfortable in who you are...if a more feminine side is your thing just embrace that and make it a part of you...unless you really dislike it.

I think the root of it is my dad being homophobic as well as kids in school.

2 things:
1. I don't want to eliminate too high of a percentage of possible partners
2. I need to get "out there" and try relationships in order to learn. Without learning from experience I don't know what I want, don't know what I don't want, don't know who goes well with me, don't know what is seen positively about me, the red flags that come with experience.

When I feel sure of a lot of these things I would reduce the superficial element in importance and would better know how to find who'd match up with me.


About the beard when I do it mismatches my reg hair color. My hair is brown with slight redness(maybe between chestnut brown and auburn) but beard is red with a little brown after it grows out any.

Hypothetically, would this "mentality" thing even eliminate what would be perfect match/ideal guy? Would Brad Pitt be excluded because of the hive mind thing?

some outdoor sport or activity (cycling, hiking or whatever) can improve your testosterone levels

They do not think "oh he must be that stereotype?"?

TBH the idea of thinking about and judging people for that seems dumb to me since my stance is we do not know unless the person sees fit to say one way or the other, and I do not speculate or wonder as this kind of thing is absolutely none of my business. The thought may occur to me but I purposely ignore it.



Interesting. I do like women who have some masculine qualities. Not women who are literally like guys but I like those who are physically fit and I'm not as judgemental about fashion choices. Like if she's a tomboy that's fine with me, if not that's still fine. By societies definitions definitely they would say I like masculine women, I would say I just don't get hung up on some small things like other people seem to.


I do strongly believe that society puts too much stock in this.

My thing about it(I think maybe due to ASD?) is I am neutral to it therefore don't view it as good or bad. But my impression is that others view it as bad or potentially antithetical to conventional masculinity. I know that I am blind to certain things so it creates uncertainty.

I wonder how I might make myself feel more secure about it?


I do martial arts & weightlifting but somehow always feel the same. I like hiking or swimming but no where near me is suitable for that so it is infrequent that I go. Maybe this summer.

Are there other ways to improve testosterone?

I'm a masculine guy, so this advice might be useless, but I think trying too hard to come across as masculine will make it seem fake, which in turn will make you seem more insecure.

Some people probably do think my brother is just looking for attention, but he just doesn't care. I mean I know it took him some time to get there...like he started out as a kid. He was me and my sisters younger brother, so we had some fun dressing him up like a doll, but well he liked that...so I kind of feel maybe having two older sisters as his siblings influenced it. But yeah he just doesn't let that stuff bother him.

Lol for me I am female but I have never been all that feminine, so for me it has been trying to embrace that side. Like well I stopped shaving so much because I was mostly doing that for other people...especially my legs. I mean with all the summer heat I might shave my arm-pits but I plan to leave my legs, plus it seems I only grow visible leg hair below my knee....above that it looks like there is no hair. There is but is not visible.

Brad Pitt is too conventionally hot to be excluded because of the hive mind; but let's say if he acts too feminine then yes - most probably.

I noticed that women who are really into feminine men usually don't get along well with other women. Again, number wise these are a very small minority and I have seen only very few of such anecdotes in life.

Unfeminine/masculine women are by far more socially accepted than feminine men btw.

Too late, what is seen cannot be unseen now.

Ha ha ha ha, ok in some sense....but I have never been socially accepted. Like it didn't matter, simply not socially accepted...but then of course no one told me what they wanted. Finally in an active shooter situation a girl vocalized what people thought about me by saying ' I am suprised you aren't the psycho with a gun' they said that while there was an active shooter in the school and I was hiding in the classroom just like everyone else. I was freaked out of my mind, scared I might get shot and she said that to me. After the fact she apologized and all I could do was accept it. But no you don't just get accepted for being an unfeminine woman I was excluded....even though I knew the girl that died I was excluded like I was some freak who didn't care my classmate got shot and I did care. I mean that girl apologized for what she said...but its still what everyone kept thinking. I am not proud of it but due to all the exclusion and being treated like someone who couldn't care about the incident....I umm played around with white supremacy like for a time I wanted to be a neo-nazi. I thought maybe it would make me stop caring, if I could become a hateful neo-nazi...so freaking stupid, stupid, stupid.

But yeah I flirted around with that idea eventually I realized I was letting bad events corrupt me and I was turning into something just as distgusting as a school shooter..I just didn't want to keep feeling so alone. Luckily my brother told my mom what I was getting into, and she very angrily I'll say confronted me...well I broke down crying, because it wasn't even about that I was just trying not to feel. I was kind of pissed my brother told her, but at the same time I was glad because I needed someone to get in my face and tell me to stop.

My head is hung in shame.

I think that sounds like a good strategy. I am not sure a beard is great though. We'd need pictures.

Yes, and kiss my hand while you are at it.