Changing perspective on finding love

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I used to be desperate, needy and whiner young male virgin about missing out on a girlfriend and sex. Now I am I feel different. My life has changed a lot in past 12 months where I started focused on my career, starting up social enterprise, doing community activities, going out with friends on hikes, trips and that. My well-being escalated as a result. This impacts my perspective of who I was looking for a girlfriend. Despite how successful I am at 27 years old doing lot of achievements which that kept me busy, but in time I started realise that I was attracting wrong type of women, and friends.

I started to be myself focusing on my own life. This helped me to understand other people's lives depending who they are, what personalities and intentions. Oh geeze I was in horrible network of people who shared similar passions as me. That got me confused between sharing similar interests makes good friends versus opposite attracts. Young people in their 20's especially NTs are really toxic! They mostly narcissist, self loathing, attention seeker, privileged and populism. This explains why I am feeling bad about myself despite challenges and barriers living with disabilities in NT and able bodied world.

Many people I met through my networks started talking to me more than before, but fewer are being insecure not talking to me after first communication. Many of them used to be like that in activism world where they kept focusing on political issues rather than interpersonal communication. This described my lifestyle change from politically environmental activist to professional community driven young leader. Mentally I felt so much better when doing things that take direct action rather than shouting and screaming at politicians and attacking people due to different beliefs. Those people used to be friends with me because its clear they do not know how to communicate with me whilst being friends.

So this reflects to lot of attitudes in young women who delaying their lives of what they want to do with their lives. In past week I was at disability leadership program who ran workshops on life goals, interpersonal skills and commitment. Mental health is a biggest contributor in this area when young people don't want to change their lives nor behaviour. That where I have been attending and approaching in past 5 years whilst doing things I admire for. Now I can see what impact caused on my life.

Right now I am super focused on helping young people with disabilities and mental health starting up their careers especially in environment and outdoor adventures industry. I hope I meet someone beautiful, kind and thorough whilst networking in this field. I am pretty optimistic, and I felt so glad I learned the mistakes before creating them.

I am glad I am not like these activists who get arrested for trespassing, locked up on equipment and abused people. I am glad I am intelligent and different in unique way. I am glad I haven't fall into fake relationships. I am glad I defended myself from prejudice and misconceptions about my disabilities.

Here's hoping!

I think that is really promising.

Fantastic decision. That's how it's done. Do Your thing & pursue your passions that make You happy, and then love will find you - because people are attracted to passionate, happy, people.

Yup. Do what you love (not what other people want you to do), and the right person will find you when the time is right.

Good to see how reflective I am seeing positive and supportive responses here on WP. I think lot of Aspies or Autistics including young 20's NTs should learn about this.

It really clear see how people become insecure of themselves not showing enough passion about their lives. I still meet quite few insecure women recently including one who is 32 years old! Finding love can be hard, but when they become passionate and themselves it becomes easier with great decisions. I believe my challenges of finding love right now its the dating pool isn't ready for long-term, nor they are mature enough. Might put a blame on technology impacts their personalities and behaviour. Hope they realise themselves before me.

I am really interested to hear more from other Aspies here on WP about their experiences. Although what I seen many threads created are pretty pessimistic. I apologise if that offended you.

Not to be rude but I am not surprised WP is not a place for positive threads and messages. Everyone seems complaining and negative all the time creating threads after threads attracting negative comments. I am going to leave it here. Just letting you know I am actually found joy in my life, and I am trying to give you my perspective. Just hoped for you to listen to me. Thanks to 3 posters who shown empathy and compassion in response to my experience. I applaud to you three, and hope the aspirations succeed your life.

This is all a bit hard to follow, honestly I kind of have a headache reading through all that. I just don't get it goes from pretty much perfect grammar to terrible to perfect again...not trying to be mean but it does make it hard to follow. For instance what does this mean exactly:
"Finding love can be hard, but when they become passionate and themselves it becomes easier with great decisions."

When they become passionate and themselves? what does that mean, do you mean about themselves? and what exactly becomes easier with great decisions?

That is what I mean in some parts it is really unclear what exactly you mean, which makes it hard to understand let alone figure out how to respond.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 15 Jun 2018, 6:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I apologise but I also have a hearing loss which affected my language when I was a kid. That affected my structure in text. I speak a lot perfect than writing. I did proofreaded my writing before submitting the post. Took me 5mins. Many people kept asking me to take english classes and everything but my disabilities impacts on my writing.

I still get a GPA of 7 for my thesis research for my postgraduate degree. If I ask someone to proofread ALL of my posts and everything on the internet it will take years to complete due to time and resource constraints like where and who to find a proofreader, and I am not comfortable with that taking on my personal life.

Sorry again, it just who I am and I am trying very extremely hard to be clear on my writing. It have been around 10 years since my first year of uni.

To clarify on that quote you mentioned - it depends when they become passionate of themselves. Everyone is different and they have different passions but they need it. Making decisions is clearer when they know about themselves because being passionate helps your mental wellbeing.

Hope this is clearer.

Yes that does make much more sense, and its true being more passionate can make one more motivated.

Also that makes sense that it could affect your writing, lol I will try to have more patience in reading your posts. I did gather you have found better people/friends to associate with than before and that is good...so hopefully it will help with keeping a positive attitude.

But yeah I already have a little difficulty keeping my place when reading so when writing isn't very clear makes it even harder for me to follow. I also read stuff wrong more often than I'd like to admit.

Well, focusing on other things is the best thing to do. We don't find love. The right one will come at the perfect time.