My friend and I. . . .. .

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Hello it’s me again

(Disclaimer I know this is love and dating and I’m talking friendship but it’s because I know and like you folks here, and you are the people who have always advised me, so please forgive)

My friendship with Aspie man ended in March when he blocked me on every form of social media, and ignored me if he saw me in public. He claimed I smothered him, and I was unreasonable when I made a comment about friendship being a 2 way thing. . . . ..

Anyway we are tentatively talking again. He wants us to meet up and we have arranged a day in September, but I have suggested we meet before then even if just for coffee. . . . .. . . .i feel that he is very wary, as am I. I think we both hurt each other unintentionally.

So looking for advice to ensure it doesn’t end the same way again. I’m thinking avoid having any emotional expectations at all. Put no pressure on him to do things. . . . .. . Anything else?

Criticize nothing.

Praise everything.

Yep . . . . And accept his criticism

You don't have to "accept" his criticism.

The best advice is to act like nothing happened. To proceed as if you just saw each other yesterday.

That is how I am proceeding at the moment. Light and happy. No discussion about “stuff”

I would say that's the best course of action in this case.

O boy, here we go again....

My feeling is that they'll get along just fine.

As long as Anna keeps in mind the distinction between "friendship" and "romance."

I like Anna. But I truly feel that she shouldn't expect a "higher standard" of attention from the guy.

Haha face of boo . . . . .my feelings exactly.

I think and hope it will be fine. I have no expectations at all. I’m just glad he doesn’t seem to hate me anymore. I have moved on and made a lots of new friends also that I am busy doing things with.

I will alsways have time for him, because we got along in many ways, and I promised him once I wouldn’t give up on him . . . .

Yes . . . .. are you being blondist?

So, how are you two going to keep it on a friend-basis and avoid it moving towards romance? No expectations won't work, as that's a good idea for both friendships and romance. Maybe if you keep feelings out of it, and avoid regular meetings, that might work? After all, in a romance, I would want to have strong feelings and to see the girl regularly, while I wouldn't need that in a friendship.

I guess I just see what he wants. Have no expectations. My idea of friendship is very different. Most of my close friends I speak or message most days, and meet every week or couple of weeks. I do have friends that I only see or speak to once a year or so but that’s because they live in another country and we meet when they come back.

As I say I’m just glad there is no apparent animosity at the moment. If he wants to meet he knows where I am, and I will send him light hearted messages every now and again. The trouble is for me the lack of connection means that the strength of loyalty and friendship weakens. . . . . I am doing things with other people now. Sharing humour and good times with them, but I guess that is what he wanted ?

Slowly slowly slowly. . . Hard work but we’re getting there.

So why do I bother. I don’t fancy him, I don’t want romance. . .. . . People on here think I’m mad, people out here think I’m mad. . . . .

But I think our friendship had many good attributes. I think our differences caused the problems. From me too many expectations and then expressing the hurt when expectations of reciprocation weren’t met.
From his side misinterpretating. . . . Taking me being hurt as criticism. . . . . Not understanding what I wanted. . . . ..

So many people have since told me, “he’s weird” “he’s selfish” “he’s not a pleasant person” . . . .people I know he considers friends. I don’t believe them. I know or am sure I know he is not these things but he just doesn’t play to the normal society rules.

So many of you on here complain that NTs don’t give you a chance. I’m am working hard not to be one of those people