Dating with low self esteem

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How do you date successfully with low self esteem?

I always assume that men think I'm disgusting and ugly and uninteresting. Even when they seem to like me, they then stop liking me at some point and that's crushed me a little more each time.

I'm in a confusing situation now where I met someone that seems more into me than anyone has ever been. But even then there are signs that he doesn't want to have a serious relationship. Or maybe I'm assuming that because no one has ever wanted a serious relationship with me. Maybe I'm assuming the worst and he still likes me.

That's confusing. Like me or don't like me. What's this fluffy in-between thing?

It just makes me feel like something about me isn't quite good enough.

I have no idea and all my attempts were huge failures as I get too attached for every small act of validation. I'm in a point were I give up on dating until I manage to solve my self-esteem issues (and I have no hope on solving it, it seems like a paradoxical situation because I feel I need love and friends to feel more confident but I can't get healthy relationship with people with this low self esteem).


sorry i wish i could give a more positive commentary

I can relate to the dating scene and having low self-esteem. What makes it worse for me is the fact that I have no vehicle, no job and I live with my parents. My current situaton in my life is the direct result of my bad choices. I have been single almost three years, I was married over 10 years but things didn't work out because we were two mentally sick people and we couldn't escape our problems.
I've tried the dating apps like POF, OKCupid etc but nothing good came from it. I met 2 girls off of POF but both of them were crazy. Oh well, like I tell everyone else.....love will find me when I least suspect it!

My health hasn't been very good lately either. I'm exhausted all of the time and I just feel like a sweaty mess. That's not attractive. I don't feel attractive. I feel disgusting. There are plenty of normal girls to choose from why would anyone want me?

And that getting to know someone phase is horribly stressful. Everything seems to be going well but at any moment you could reveal something that will make them drop you like a hot potato.

You can be too distant and they think you don't actually fancy them. You can be too in your face and they think you are too clingy and needy. Everything you do can push them away.

You've got to get it just absolutely perfectly right... Or you will be dropped.

It's so humiliating.

I hate to sound this negative here, but I've observed that success in dating and low self-esteem are two concepts that don't really go together. Self-esteem problems seem to generally be one of the top reasons why some people fail where others succeed - in this case, dating. Then again, there do appear to be exceptions as well, but that requires the rarely found "perfect" partner that understands you and is willing to help you be a better version of yourself.

Impossible. I suffer from depression, making my self-esteem permanently in the gutter. I can hide it in day-to-day life, but ultimately it makes friendships and relationships impossible for me.

I think nothing good comes from focusing on self-esteem, rather than achievement.

Just make sure you're not inviting this: "How to Crush a Girl’s Self-Esteem".

You can't measure self esteem

It often appears, to me, that plenty of precious lil "people," have way too much self esteem

confidence not proportional to competence

Different people find different things "ugly" and "disgusting"

Thank you.

confidence not proportional to competence... so true

I have pretty low self esteem, too. It makes dating (and everything else) hard. I don’t really know what to suggest for that since nothing has worked for me. Just know that I can totally relate.

Once you’re in a relationship don’t let your low self esteem make you a doormat. You need to stand up for yourself and refuse to let a guy walk all over you.

I’m wondering if this guy could be afraid of commitment. Maybe he wants to date you, but he’s not sure if he wants to start a relationship right now.

You don’t. It attracts abusive people.

I can understand why low self esteem can make dating a nightmare. I have high self esteem primarily because I succeed at what I set my mind to. When I have a goal I am tenacious at reaching that objective.

I think that many people believe in a perfect soulmate. I think that is a deceptive belief. There are in reality many, many soulmates out there. There are many personality types that are compatible with each of you. So finding a partner to share your life with is a function of setting that as an objective and meeting as many potential mates as you can until you find one that clicks.

After graduating from college, I applied at 500 companies for a job, without success. But that never stopped me. I finally found a job and worked successfully for 40 years and then retired. So is finding a partner that much different. It is a function of meeting new people, as many as you can. Everyone has strengths and weakness. When two people can come together and balance one's strengths with another's weaknesses (and vice versa) then you have a yin-yang partnership which can make a stronger couple than any single individual can possess.

And don't limit yourself geographically. I traveled to the other side of the world and proposed to a girl using a language dictionary. And it turned out to be a very good marriage.

Maybe that's all some of us are good for.

I think there is truth in this.

I do manage to pull off a confident persona around other people. I'm viewed as a confident person. I hide my anxiety well. I don't seem to attract abusive men. I scare them off because I'm opinionated enough to convey that I can't be controlled.

But I freak out with self doubt when things become more than superficial or if I want something more. I doubt everything I do around a crush... they don't necessarily know im flaking out... apart from that one time I had a panic attack around this guy, but that's because in my gut I knew he was wrong for me.

You might be okay in avoiding abusive people then.

I wasn’t. My low self esteem pointed to a “You’re always right, I am weak and wrong” vibe which they used to contol and put down.

It really depends how low is low. I mean mine was so low in my 20s, I thought I wasn’t worth wiping the dirt of people’s shoes, when it’s that low, you get verbally, sexually and psychologically and emotionally abused on a regular basis. It’s a real warning, not just said in jest.

It seems you have enough self worth to back your opinions. That should be enough, hopefully.