an alternative view

Post Reply New Topic

Dear Carolyn: I'm not in a romantic relationship and I'm fine with that — maybe too fine. My feeling is that I am building a life without one and then if it happens, it happens. My concern is that if it doesn't happen, am I missing out on one of the great things in life? (I do have great, long-standing friendships.)

— Ann Arbor, Mich.

Ann Arbor, Mich.: Yes, you are missing out on one of the great things in life — walking through time by someone’s side. And couples are missing out on one of the great things in life — living utterly and completely on one’s own terms.

We choose, we sacrifice, we covet other people’s toys and we hope for the best. The definition of “best” is different for everyone, but I imagine we collectively hope to minimize the number of times we long for the things we gave up. You’re asking, but you don’t seem to be sighing that much.

Meanwhile, you’re stockpiling the commodity every one of us needs, no matter which choices we make: self-reliance. Never second-guess that.

My older brother's wife had a stroke yesterday and he's stuck at his home with his kids. I don't have those responsibilities on my back.

Are you saying to find a balance between wanting a relationship and self-reliance? I suppose the latter is a hard pill for me to swallow but I still want a loving girlfriend or wife.