Haters can hate all they want

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Me and my x have (to an extent) figured out what went wrong and aren't sure if we want to be a couple again but have agreed to at least stay friends.

I'm friends with a couple of women I dated. I'm glad we remain friends because they are really good people . I'm glad you and your ex are staying friends. It doesn't matter what others say, so long as you're both happy .

What exactly are "haters? I hear that term used a lot but apparently it doesn't mean what I thought it meant.

You know it's funny but I've never known what "haters" are either . I assume it's people who onpurposely go on at you, like for instance going on at you if you get back with your ex. I don't know though .

Lol I still don't get it. But I've never been in a relationship before. I hope someday I do meet someone and I have finally realized that's never gonna happen if I don't take an active approach to searching.

Lol me neither .

Best of luck to you buddy . I've learnt that in this world anything is possible, you only live once so go for it .

I am going on a date tomorrow with a woman who I hope is "the one" . If things work out between us I can really see me wanting to spend the rest of my life with her and starting our own little family.

I hope you can find "the one" as well.

Good luck to you too!

Good luck to both of you.

Personally I have no good experience of staying friends with an ex, unfortunately, but I hope it works out better for the two of you. For me and my ex it worked for a year then it completely crashed and burned. If I could go back now I would not have agreed to stay friends.

This song may help

These "haters" you are referring to are no such thing. They don't have any emotional investment in your problems, they were merely outside observers being honest with you about your behavior. If you intend on being friends with her, you should probably first come to the understanding there is nothing wrong with her brain and her perspective is valid even if you are having trouble comprehending how or why she comes to a conclusion.

I am not hating, this has been constructive criticism and I hope it is helpful.

I don't even countenance the very idea of having or being an 'ex'. I'm not trying to erase myself from anyone's future & I'm not in the habit of ignoring someone just because I'm not around them. Not being together is just a state of being like any other & it does not somehow teleport you to a universe disconnected from another person. This is also only subjectively real in our heads.

I fail to see what's so difficult about being friendly & seeing where it takes you.

Personally I think it's perfectly acceptable to distance yourself from an ex if they are an abusive monster. I wish more people did that but too many of them like my Mom are too forgiving and always get back with their ex thinking that things will work out this time.

I classify haters as two different types of people.

One kind of hate is completely irrational. Mighty be driven by jealousy, might be something else. In any case, you ignore these people because no amount of effort will make these people happy.

The other kind of hate stems something you have done that fails to meet expectations. You want to make friends with these haters because they will give feedback and constructive criticism to help you.

In our context, L&D folks might attract a lot of hate by asking for advice and making endless excuses, or if someone says something is a bad idea, you do it anyway, and come back and you can’t understand why you got hurt, and then you lash out at people who don’t tell you what you want to hear.

Wrt going back to an ex: My wife were on/off for the first few years we were dating. She’s not a bad person.

What happened was I’d been in an abusive, toxic relationship for a number of years. This girl and I broke up, but she kept pursuing me. She knew how to work her magic and from time to time we’d end up having sex. She’d tell everyone we were getting back together, so I went no-contact on her.

Meanwhile, I was bouncing around 3 other girls, including my wife, and we ended up starting a relationship. After college, we went our separate ways, TRIED to do LDR and sucked at it. I’d been with a couple of women when I was in New York, and she dated a few other guys during that time. But she’d become my best friend, we never stopped talking. I mean, seriously, I’d kick my gf out of my dorm room when I knew she was going to call! And she’d get jealous, too. One time I was on a road trip with some guys, and one of them called out my gf’s name when it was HER...and she got PISSED.

After I came home, we both just got tired of the bs from distance dating and our feelings for each other vs. sleeping with anyone but each other.

We struggled early in our marriage, but we made it. It was weird because for over half our relationship we were over 1,000 miles apart, seeing other people, and after our first year dating we weren’t even in the same town. And I’d had doubts because I’d been in love with this girl I’d known since high school. We started dating after I dumped the first girl I talkes about, broke up, got back together, and as I was getting ready to leave I gave up on her and stayed with Best Friend. So Best Friend and I had a good run about 6 months or so before I was gone for 2 years. All of that came back in the first two years of marriage, plus kids, plus mortgage, plus job insecurity, plus other guys trying to get in her pants, plus her friends gossiping about me, plus, plus, plus... At this point, nobody is questioning our staying power. We’ve been together almost 20 years now.

I’m not going to be a hypocrite and say NEVER go back to an ex. I wouldn’t be married to my best friend if I hadn’t.

But I will say that it generally isn’t a good idea. I got out of a toxic relationship and didn’t totally cut her off, which was a bad idea because she wouldn’t stop chasing me. Best Friend and I kept breaking up because I really didn’t know what I wanted. Didn’t mean she was a bad person or incompatible. Just meant I needed to figure out some things for myself. Most of the time people break up for good reason. And because people don’t fundamentally change, the old problems that caused the breakups aren’t going away. I would advise IN GENERAL not to go back to an ex. Don’t fool yourself into thinking “but this time is different.” It never is. My wife and I aren’t different; we just took control over our circumstances once we BOTH decided we were right for each other (she knew before I did), and I became more assured that she was who I wanted to be with all along. If you can’t say you broke up while things were good, or maybe you just weren’t in a place you could commit to that person right then, and especially if the relationship was toxic or even abusive, you shouldn’t get back together. You broke up for a reason. Move on. Be happy.

This thread is useless.

Staying friends with an ex is very common. Why would people have a problem with it?

Context is located in a locked thread he started.