Actions vs. words

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Been a while.

What’s been on my mind lately is what people say, and what people do - not just in romance, but in general. Not exactly a profound revelation, but it seems to dig deeper the older I get and the less naive I become. Even so, there are still times others’ behaviors confuse or surprise me, given previous interactions.

One acquaintance I’ve made at my new job has seemed pretty friendly, at least compared to many who don’t seem to acknowledge I’ve waved or said hello. I only really see her one day a week, the one I close on. So it’s a bit slow going I guess, but that’s fine.

Kinda started out with me being bored one night and just hanging out in the bakery department where she was cleaning up. Mostly talked about food, but I have to wonder whether she took any of what I said about having a sweet tooth to mean anything else, because since then it’s felt like she’s made jokes with some sort of innuendo to them, wherein I just play dumb in case it’s just me thinking that.

One other time, she offered me some food. Kind of a big no no with store policy, but it’s kind of difficult to refuse someone who’s just trying to be nice. Managed to sneak it into the break room and throw it out since I just don’t like pumpkin flavored stuff, but told her it was good anyway.

At this point we had been talking on Facebook a bit. Not about much, just dumb, random stuff, and more junk food and recipes even though I shouldn’t even be thinking about it myself. One night she didn’t seem to talk much, and later sent a message apologizing to me and that it had nothing to do with me, just that she was going through a hard time. Told her I’ve been through difficult stuff as well and am open to talk, but it hasn’t come up since.

Most fb interaction has ceased...who knows if maybe she’s really going through something, or very busy, or perhaps something about me put her off, but that idea seems to clash with a proposition she made to me about going out to do something fun together this past week. Not necessarily a date, and since neither of us drive it seems she might have already had an idea of it being more of a group thing instead. In any case, just feels hot/cold lately.

Not that much of this type of stuff is new, really, but still irritating in that I never seem to learn anything from past instances with other people, whether it’s flirting or hinting at sex or whatever else, to then deny it happened, and then afterwards to even say they would have totally dated you - maybe that was in my last thread if I’m recalling right.

Women don’t typically push for dates, so perhaps I do have this wrong at least partially. Just hope this is not something I have to wonder was just a flaky plan with no commitment or if I should be clearing free time from my schedule. Wouldn’t it be just great if she expects me to bring it up again when I’ve taken so many years to learn not to give much attention to people who don’t give it back.

it honestly sounds to me like she really is dealing with something else in her life that is demanding her time. As to what it might be, I have no idea. I'd just keep casual contact if I were in your position, but look elsewhere for something more serious. Best of luck!

Perhaps you are correct. As of today, she hasn’t been unwelcoming exactly, but kind of cold, and the only thing she’s said to me was she wants to go home, so...who knows.

In the past, I would have confronted whoever it is, whether with anger or demanding an explanation or even just explaining I’m there for them, and each would just lead to them not talking to me anymore, I suppose because many women just don’t like confrontation unless they’re the ones to enact it.

Whatever. I guess I’ll just say hi once in a while, if I feel like it. Thing is, even if she did want to still keep contact, of course it would just be too hard for her to just say so. Hard part is never being able to find out for certain.