Women, what attracts you to a man?

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A genuine question for the women of the forum. I'm a young Autistic man with hazelnut coloured hair in a 1980s style. I'm warm and friendly and I have a love of classic cars and writing. But in the past all the women I've known have never liked me in the romantic sense. I don't know why though so that's why I want to ask. What attracts you to a man?

If you ask 10 different women this question, you'll get 10 different answers. So here's mine:

I'm human so the first thing I notice is what he looks like, how he is dressed, is he clean, hair clean in a reasonable cut?

But that's not what attracts me. What attracts me is how he responds to me (and others). I like men who are smart, well-read, logical and rational, but also empathetic. They treat other people with respect and with kindness, without being a push-over or a doormat.

What also attracts me is a guy who has things in common with me: someone who is college educated, has a decent job/career, likes some of the same things I do, has similar views on politics and religion and values.

And finally what's attractive is that the guy shows interest in ME. The guy can have all of the above, but if he shows zero interest and lacks the initiative to get to know ME, then there's no point. He may as well be anyone else on the street.

BTW - because I know this will come up, when I say "has a decent job/career" I don't mean "makes a lot of money." My current partner makes less than I do, so that's not an issue. What I mean when I mention career, is someone who can take care of himself and stand on his own two feet financially.

You and I basically look for the same things then. I mean obviously I look for things that I enjoy and find interesting, like cars. Not so easy as basically every woman I know couldn't care less about cars haha I look at how they look based on whether they are tidy and look friendly. Real beauty is on the inside so I don't go looking for a beautiful model type of a woman. Upon meeting a woman I get to know them first to make sure we get on and also to see if we're interested in the same things. I like writing as I said and I also like books and tv shows like The Big Bang Theory . Currently am unemployed but I have a job interview this week so hopefully I'll have a job soon. I'm also a family man. I look out for my own family and am hoping to start a family of my own one day. From what I've said so far is there anything that would make you not like me because this is how I am in real life? When I'm online I don't change or make myself up to be more than I am. This is me . I basically just want to be happy and make somebody else happy.

Unusual
My only unusual trait is my voice. I'm British from Somerset but my voice is deep and actually sounds like Elvis Presley. It's very similar . Its what got me in to the King's music. I wonder if this might put some women off of me?

They don't like if you show no positive feelings towards them or if you don't have the deep empathie to feel what they want. That's your biggest problem. If it comes simply to the attractivty it's for humans nearly the same that other male apes are judged by the female apes of their species for and you can watch it in the zoo.

Ok that makes sense. I always thought I was understanding and had positive feelings but maybe not enough? I'm going to ask a friend out tomorrow so I'll try to do as you said. Dates are always hard because you try so hard not to screw it up which in turn usually makes you screw something up. Like the last time my Volvo didn't start so we never actually got there. Catching the bus home was not hers or my idea of the perfect evening. Luckily she's willing to go out again so this time I'll check my car before I pick her up .

It's hard to answer a question like that because of your age and my age. When I was 21, I was a totally different person than I am now, so I probably would have been interested in you if I had met you. If I met you now at my current age, I would probably not be interested for three major reasons: your age (obviously), your unemployment (which I know is just a temporary thing), and your wanting a family someday. Actually come to think of it, that would have affected my decision then too because I never did want children. So one of the things that was a dealbreaker for me was any guy who wanted children. Kids in my country are way too expensive to have and I never wanted to enter in to that lifestyle.

I doubt that your interest in Elvis' music is what is the turn off. It's hard to tell what the turn off may be without meeting someone in person. I've found that what people THINK turns people off of them is rarely what is REALLY turning people off.

For me it is a little hard to say because I've not been in a relationship. But I'll try, I'm more than a little odd though.

Physically I don't care so long as you are not extremely tall and not morbidly obese. Basically it makes me feel a little trapped.

I cannot stand smokers, ever.

I like someone who is honest and can have a good argument and go out for ice cream or something right after with no hard feelings.

I like someone that doesn't regularly use vulgarities, and wouldn't spend a date complaining about their love life. Complaining isn't always bad but it shouldn't be the center of every discussion.

I like someone interested in the arts, but not overly into music.

I like someone that is passionate about something.

I like someone with respect for all life, including their own. And someone that can let me be the only one keeping a major grudge.

I like someone willing to learn and who doesn't judge my looks.

This is going to be my personal preference but at first sight I am attracted to blue eyes and blond hair, preferably long.
If he is on the alternative side, like band tshirts, tattoos and beard I am melting.
But this doesn't mean that I only look for a guy who looks like that. My last man was shorter than me, bold and had beer belly, although he still had blue eyes

I am not attracted to normal guys, I like the weirdos, the goths, the rockers, the artists, someone on the "dark" side because they tend to be open minded, curious, intelligent and even adventurous.

Ok well this gives me a good idea of how to act with a woman . I mean I never judge people on how they look or their facial features. I always try to be thoughtful and basically myself. You've all given me some good advice and pointers which I've written down so I don't forget them. All my dates - 4 so far - have gone well, except for the last one none of the women have asked to go out with me again. I guess I obviously lacked something they liked or wanted in a man. It could be where I'm unemployed at the moment or maybe where I want to start a family. I'm always honest with my girlfriends I thnk it's best to be honest straight away .

I look back to the men I dated in my 20s & I don’t know. Not that they are “bad” & I am “good”. I just don’t know what I was thinking. Not that my selections became better with age. Now I prefer independence.

Everyone wants something different.

I am attracted to guys that are warm and funny.

^^Yes, independence is awesome!!

The first one is the problem of many Asperger's. You have to break the distance and get in touch to her. Put your hand warm on hers if she's near to you. If she is near on your side wrap your arm in a warm way around her shoulders. Care about whether she likes it. Good luck!

That's a problem I find and I think it's one of the reasons why my dates don't seem to go as well as I'd like. I want to do all those things but I'm not sure about what's appropriate and what's too far. I think I may come across as anxious as well and I think I might ruin the mood. I'm of out tomorrow night so here's hoping it goes well .

I hate being touched because of anxiety issues. For me touch has always been an issue - if it’s the first date. By warm I mean he cares about your feelings. He’s looking at you with warmth in his eyes. And that’s something that you can’t have with strangers or during the first few dates I guess. Unless you really click.

I don't like being touched either on the first date, not unless we're both comfortable with it. The woman I'm going out with tomorrow I already know well so I know we're ok to hold hands and cuddle . She's a lovely woman and we both get on great. I want to make this work between us because I think we could be really great together and she seems to think so as well. I just hope it all goes well tomorrow .

That’s great! Good luck with you date tomorrow.