Is my crush an undiagnosed Aspie?

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To add background, the guy I'm interested in seems so much like me on the Autistic spectrum but he is older than me. He has known me since pre-school from his younger sister that saw me get bullied in pre-school and throughout my entire life (I mean, I was bullied my entire life growing up).

He can show emotion if other guys are interested in you but can argue logically. He is too honest/blunt that I like him for that. He knows most of my "special interests" such as songwriting, engineering, and other subjects that are passions of mine. He is a loner too and does not have many friends. He works a lot and last time I checked: He double majored in B.S Biology and an Engineering discipline to prepare for medical school or just a professional engineer career path. I am doing B.S in Chemistry, Electrical Engineering so we are similar in that respect besides personality and UNDERSTANDING each other better than anyone else. Our bond cannot be broken but it keeps getting stronger with time...

Him: "Did you write that song yourself?!"
Me: *How did he know I write songs? (thinks to myself this)* : "No, it's actually a quote from the Boys Like Girls song"
Him: "Which Boys Like Girls song do you think describes us?"
Me: "Be Your Everything because we're more than just friends and we can stop pretending now...You'll be the best mistake I'll ever make which is a Joanna Wang song reference because we are like two shadows talking but we don't make a sound"

I met him in Fall 2008 semester when he started his engineering second major as he was skateboarding then he led bible study Spring 2010 and we FINALLY ALWAYS sat behind each other in Engineering Statics class where I tutored him in.

Note: He was the only one that cared enough to notice I was absent for two weeks from school while I was hosptialized Spring 2010 for serious medical health issues. He asked me in the parking lot where I was and so, I told him I was hospitalized.

This snippet of our conversation was from my 25th birthday in 2014 when I ran into him at the gym that my bus dropped me off at. He knows I am a very musically inclined person so I did sing to him last time and we exchanged numbers until his sister came to get him from the gym. I will add more details and edit as I remember more of our limited conversations as we both work and go to college, for the time being, to support ourselves and our families. It feels as if I FINALLY found true love and my soulmate in my pre-school friend's older brother. It is just we BOTH SUCK AT COMMUNICATING WITH EACH OTHER! We do better one-on-one or in person but we live about 1.5+ hours drive away from each other, to be honest.

Are you looking for a diagnosis or an opinion?

If the former, then be advised that none of us is qualified to render a diagnosis, especially through third-party observations on a social website regarding someone that none of us has ever met.

If the latter, then stand by...

He might be an undiagnosed Aspie but that is a label and if you like him, he might be your soulmate. And labels don't really matter, it is what is on the inside that counts.

Here is a list of positive Aspie attributes:

* They are usually loyal and dependable. Competing to get ahead is less important than solving problems and meeting challenges. Conscientiousness, faithfulness and devotion to duty matter more than ambition, especially if that ambition would cause others to suffer.
* Adults with Aspergers pursue ideas they believe in without being deterred by what others say. They are not easily swayed by others’ opinions, nor do they give up because someone tries to convince them otherwise.
* They are good at recognizing patterns and in classifying things. They are comfortable with order, precision and categorization, which make them successful in following rules, allocating resources and solving problems.
* They tend to be sincere, positive and genuine, which make them loyal and dependable friends. * Speaking their minds regardless of the social context is true of many adults with Aspergers. They are much more interested in someone’s skills and expertise than whether that person is viewed favorably by others.
* Adults with Aspergers are especially good at noting and recalling details. They are helpful at work that requires knowledge of facts, details, and memory. They are often exceptional at the recall of details forgotten or disregarded by others. They have a passion for gathering and cataloging information on a topic of interest.
* An acute sensitivity to specific sensory experiences and stimuli, including touch, vision, and smell is common and having such unusual sensory experiences gives them a different perspective on the world.
* Adults with Aspergers tend to be trusting of others, even charmingly naïve. They are compassionate and caring, and many maintain the belief in the possibility of positive relationships.
* They are often direct, speak their mind and are honest. Many have a strong sense of social justice.
* Because they don’t mind being alone, they are often willing to engage in solitary work that others avoid, which puts them in the position of making tremendous contributions at work and school.
* They are able to comprehend multiple levels of meanings of words and ideas and can form connections that others miss.
* They are persistent, and when they set their minds to something or make a promise they can usually be trusted to follow through.
* A relationship with someone who has Aspergers tends to be free from bias and discrimination based on race, gender, age or other differences. They judge people based on their behavior not the color of their skin, socioeconomic status or political influence.
* They are not inclined to be bullies, con artists or social manipulators.
* “Most of the major advances in science and the arts have been made by people with Asperger’s”

So an Aspie may exhibit many traits that match well with your traits.

Not an official diagnosis but my observations of him seem to be that he is an undiagnosed Aspie. He is INFJ. I am INTJ. People say that is a match made in heaven and that he is a guy too good to be true because he is honest, open, loyal, dependable, sweet, romantic, etc. I know he can love me in the ways he KNOWS how and he KNOWS that I can love him in the ways I KNOW how. That is a given to the both of us. It is just we are not going anywhere because no one has made a move yet to be, for lack of a better word: "Official" couple. We both do KNOW that this love is nothing like we both ever had before and feel that it is TRUE LOVE. I know labels don't matter but NTs are too much work for me....

Two serious relationships with NTs ended in disaster and them BLOCKING me on social media even though I know I did nothing wrong. First NT cheated. Second NT, just sucks at communicating, and rarely posts on social media in the past.

Now, it seems that pre-school friend's older brother is "the one" for me. He knows of my passions, pays careful attention to detail that no guy has ever done before: songwriting, engineering, biology, and medicine are passions of mine that he KNOWS of. Besides the fact that he is over 6'2" tall, he does make me feel "warm and fuzzy", lol, when I think about "our" future together.

That has usually never happened that far down the line with my two exes because they get tired of me and we end up becoming strangers after the break up. I mean, I did get engaged to second love but in the end: we still broke up, do NOT follow each other on social media, etc. We just become strangers that USED to KNOW each other. I hope this does help.

*NOTE: My pre-school school friend created a Spotify playlist dedicated to us. I am NOT SURE how to react because it shows her older brother's deepest thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc, for me which he has never felt for anyone besides me before. At least, this guy MAKES AN EFFORT TO TRULY AND SINCERELY UNDERSTAND ME. He ACTUALLY wants to EXPLORE MY MIND. So, no pressure on any two people to make the move yet.

I just asked this question and post because it would be easier for us to date if he was on the Autistic spectrum, whether diagnosed or undiagnosed.

It almost sounds like you haven't been on a date yet with this individual. If he is your crush and you have known him for 10 years, it sounds like you need to try and transition from crush to boyfriend. If he is an Aspie, then be direct and just ask him. Aspies like directness. See if your feelings are reciprocated.

When I was in high school, I had a crush. But I never even spoke to her because I was too shy.

Eh, that'll be difficult to do as we both are shy and do not want to screw this up. We just talk and come together from time to time but no actual dates yet.

I am an extreme extrovert. I go far beyond the definition of shy. And yet I traveled to the other side of the world and after a few weeks proposed to a girl using a language dictionary (because she didn't speak my language). She didn't accept my offer immediately but the next day she did provided I asked her parents for their daughter's hand in marriage. We were married and have live a good life together for over 45 years. So if I could do this, I am sure you could control your anxiety for a few minutes and ask him if he would like to date you.

Sure he might say NO. But what have you lost (a fantasy)? But what happens if he says YES? Just be very direct and honest and find the courage.

Well, I only have his email and he has my number that has been inactive for five years that I can re-activate. I tried to give his my current number but to no avail: he KNOWS i prefer the old number that is inactive. So, I have to find another job to support myself and my education to just get through undergraduate, graduate, etc schools again.

His sister's Spotify Playlist dedicated to "us" makes it clear he sees me as his "true love" as do I. It is just we are both too shy to confirm our "official" status as to where this is all leading. I am a VERY private person. Last time I got engaged, all hell, literally broke loose. All the haters, perverts, etc that WANTED TO f**k ME came OUT OF THE WOODWARD TO cause friction, drama, lies, betrayal, and sabotage to TRY TO BREAK UP MY ex fiance and I.

Can't an Autistic female adult live her life as she chooses without people f*****g IT UP so badly she DOES NOT TRUST ANYONE anymore?

Well if you have his email address then why not send him emails every few days and correspond to him that way. How do you know if he is even available? That he is not already in some kind of relationship? For a year prior to going overseas and proposing to a girl, I corresponded by letters. I had a language interpreter and so did she. That is how we talked. I find letters more personal than emails. I guess I am just old fashion.

Some of your statements do not make any sense to me. "So, I have to find another job to support myself and my education to just get through undergraduate, graduate, etc schools again."

But anyways you talk about true love. In a good marriage, two people bind together. They stand together in the fiercest storms, covering each other's backs. Adversity can make a marriage stronger. Haters, friction, drama, lies, and sabotage will not break it up, if the couple is honest, open and true to each other.

Well, I am sure he reads the emails but does not reply. So, lose-lose situation? He joined MeWe though. -_- I am on disability but my step-dad gets $700/882 I get every month by charging me for existing, living, etc. he does nothing for me. I am lucky if I get one meal in a day to eat with the little I get. That is me being honest. That is why I said I need to find a job but my situation is complicated because my medications are expensive without medi-cal. So, if I make over the limit for SSI, I do NOT get medi-cal anymore, etc. Whoever designed this system in the USA is effed up. Sorry, I feel like s**t from the signs/symptoms I have been experiencing this past month that doctors have no idea what is wrong with me. Missing two weeks of badminton while updating my professor about my situation.

Normally that would be interpreted as "He is not interested".

But since he is your crush, you might go one step further and find out his mailing address, then send him a letter and ask him. It is better for you to know one way or the other. [It is common for people to change their email addresses quite regularly and then neglect to inform others of their new email address.]

You might also include a stamp self addressed envelope with a letter. Explain your feelings in a letter. Include an index card for him to return. On the card put several check boxes:

I am interested in a relationship.
I may be interested in a relationship.
I am interested in being your friend only.
I am not interested.

I am on disability but my step-dad gets $700/882 I get every month by charging me for existing, living, etc. he does nothing for me. I am lucky if I get one meal in a day to eat with the little I get.

Although I do not know the ins or outs of the disability system, I suspect that your stepdad has been assigned as your legal guardian. If you are of age, I suspect you have some say in this matter. If you can find someone else that would accept this responsibility, you should be able to contact the organization that dispenses the disability payments and request that your guardianship should be changed to this other person. You should be able to make a case that your stepdad has not met his responsibilities. This might be hard to do because living expenses (lodging, food, utilities, travel) in California are generally rather high and $700 doesn't go too far nowadays.

Well,
My situation is complicated because I'm friends with one of his sister's ex boyfriends...I think she hates me because of that so I will have to let this crush go and die out since, if you want me to be honest: I still have some feelings for my second love aka ex fiance but families put a strain on our relationship. Only our engineering friends supported my second love and I, together, in a relationship, to be honest.

The sister dedicated a Spotify playlist to my crush (her older brother) and I which gives me mixed signals, feelings, etc.

These two are close and work to support themselves and spoil each other as they lost their parents to a fire from what my crush tells me. No, my aunt is my guardian for SSI/disability in the USA but I get charged for EVERYTHING yet my stepdad DOES nothing. I have to watch my grandmother, take care of her, etc whenever I AM NOT in school or awaiting job interview replies.

Oh, yeah, got an interview scheduled for Home Depot Warehouse store for home improvement projects next weekend so I can save up for college, to move out, etc. It'll take some time though.

I hope that makes sense but he knows how I feel because he asked me last time: "Which Boys Like Girls song do you think describes our relationship?!"

Me: "Be Your Everything because we are more than just friends and we can stop pretending now....We are like two shadows talking but they don't make a sound which is a Joanna Wang song reference because you'll be the best mistake I'll ever make"

First, the diagnostic issue is completely irrelevant. The important thing is not wether he can get diagnosed or not, but if he is neurodiverse or not. I think it is pretty likely that he is neurodiverse.

I don't think you should let this go. It's very uncommon to find somebody you have this kind of connection with. It has only happened to me once, and it was rather recently.

You shouldn't be worried about not dating or being in a relationship with him. Neurodiverse courtship takes a lot of time when done naturally, so you should expect it to take time.