Neurotypical and aspergers relationship

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Hi all
Can anyone help i have been dating someone with Asperger's for 5 years, i could write a long story but to much to say often i am subject to put downs, constantly being told i am wrong, and do things wrong, and getting shouted at regularly for things as stupid as using a cup incorrectly or not wiping down a side in a correct way.
My confidence is very low, my partner has outbursts over nothing therefore its very hard to tell if something is going to happen and when it does there is no warning.
Today he grabbed me and screamed in my face, over a normal conversation saying i was being disrespectful of his knowledge when there was no disrespect at all.
I'm so confused and hurt and not sure i can take anymore
Can anyone offer any advice on what to do, or just reply if you think you can help me.

Get out NOW.

If you don't feel loved or appreciated and always feel hurt and confused, it doesn't sound like a good idea to stick around in this relationship. After all, people in relationships also have to learn how to reassure their partners of where things stand and where the relationship is going.

thanks for replying i don't know who to talk to anymore

I have an Aspie partner and he doesn't act this way. He has had his occasional moment where in frustration he may say something stupid, but it quickly passes and it's over. He's never acted in the way you describe.

I agree with the other posters, you need to reconsider this relationship. Just because he is an Aspie doesn't give him the green light to act like an ass.

I've had a few relationships like you describe, and yes, while it is advisable to get out of that situation, in hindsight I wish I could have had a third party come in and explain to that person the hurt they're inflicting, because they often then go on to abuse someone else in the same way and create more carnage.
I'm not talking romantic relationships in my case, but same principle.
Would he consider relationship counselling?

I have tried all sorts i have been to councelling myself. he won't go with me, we only got him diagnosed so if he had aspergers he would get help that was 4 years ago. There are long stints of everything being fine and then crazy times where melt down after melt down happen and its all directed at me. He shows nearly no one else this behaviour only me i think maybe his family have seen it on occasssions.

thanks for your reply its good to know its not just him having aspergers making him act this way and so nice to hear others are doing well and good x

He’s just an entitled jerk...

Leave. Do it now.
You deserve so much better!

What AngelRho said

I agree with the other posters. This may be not that uncommon behavior for certain Aspies but this is extreme for the average Aspie. Me & my girlfriend are both on the spectrum & there are times either of us come off as critical or offensive when we're not meaning to be but it doesn't seem critical or offensive when you look at it in a logical way usually. We also have that & the other problems with others besides each other. We both may have our meltdowns & other issues sometimes but we try our best to apologize & make up for them after. If your Aspie is able to control his behavior around others & only directs the bad at you; he sees you as a figurative punching bag to release all his built up anger, stress, & frustration. That is NOT rite. He should be doing his very best to make you feel loved & appropriated like me & Cass both do for each other. We both try to work on our issues & do the best we can & we're not against getting outside help to better deal with things. I think it's best if you leave him as quickly as possible.

Hi all thank you for your replies he has said sorry but still points his finger at me in general. He even said he enjoys helping me with my DIY more than he enjoys going out with me. This has happened more than once and usually instead of talking and wanting things better, he says well i will just go home, or he threatens leaving me if i carn't keep my toolbox tidy. I am 40 and wanting kids and am scared i guess i will never have them, leaving him lowers my chances as well as will i meet anyone else i love in time to have a family. He says i am always miserable this isn't true, i find it very hard to be intimate or upbeat when he keeps putting me down and shouting at me for nothing even to the point i am in tears.
Thanks for all your help everyone i feel very weak to deal with this situation and am struggling.

This.

Aspie or not, he is disrespectful to you - there is no excuse.

Do you think he would be a good father?

I'm going to say something that may be shocking, but hear me out.

Do you think you could provide a stable environment for this potential child? (A father who shouts all the time and a mother who stayed with dad because she did not think she could do any better?)

You can do bad all by yourself. A partner should lift you up at least most of the time, not drag you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

Right now, it sounds to me like you don't value yourself, so you'll hang around and just accept any scraps you can get. He knows he can treat you this way, because he's acted like an ass to you, and you're still here. What's his motivation to change?

The thing with leaving is that yes, you are risking not finding someone else, and you are risking not being able to have children. If you're 40, that is a real thing, unfortunately.

On the other hand, there are children you could help by volunteering your time and efforts where no one else may be able to. They may not be yours, but ultimately a child would still benefit and you would be doing good.

I'm just saying there are worse things than being single. Like being paired up with a guy who shouts at you and makes you feel like you're a second-class citizen. You deserve at least better than that.