She Lives Far Away, Don't Want to Screw It Up This Time

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Hey, y'all. I think things are finally working out like I never imagined. I met a woman, four years older than me but with a bit of girlishness to the point where sometimes I wonder who's the more mature. She's somewhat overweight but very attractive to me, shares my love of pop culture and can geek out in ways I relate to rather than requiring me to be an expert in some franchise I don't get, and appreciates my intelligence in ways that keep convos going rather than sputtering. She actually thinks I can hold a conversation, something I'm not familiar with LOL and hope doesn't dissolve the minute we meet IRL. The selfies, while not "that kind" yet, are getting more and more intimate (3 so far, the latest from bed with significant cleavage visible), complements flow, and she let me know of her new haircut last week and appreciated the compliment thereto. It's starting to feel like I have a long-distance girlfriend, the problem is she lives a couple hours away (Quad Cities versus Dubuque, look at map of Iowa if not familiar to see the issue) and with the holidays coming up I fear chances to see her IRL could dissipate before I have the chance to take decisive action.

I just got a raise at work where my job appears secure after 4 years working 24 hrs/wk and 5 years working 30 hrs/wk, haven't told her yet of course, and will still make a cool few thousand more even with the health care costs I'll take on getting out of Medicaid threshold. I won't pay much on student loans without more income, but Mom can only get sub teaching work it looks like to cover rent (her Social Security covers utilities) until she sells her screenplay, at which point housing and car type expenses can be updated more. I still live with her as I have my whole life, though I help out a LOT with cooking and do all gas filling and laundry, helping out with chores when I'm home beyond that though being a renter reduces those. Once again, like the part-time job or low salary, it's a best-kept secret I haven't told the girl yet, and I'm also nervous that she thought my picture made me look at least 5 foot 8 since I put that height on the site figuring I could fudge a few inches (I'm 5 foot 6 and a half or so) given most people being worst estimators IRL than they think. Height and my financial and living situation I fear could be deal-breakers, even though her closeness to her family and her being 5 foot 2 at least make it seem like I'm not hopeless in explanation. Haven't of course broached the nuclear subject of my diagnosis, which has scared away everyone I've told it to or at least not solved the problem.

Even if I can afford to see her, I worry if it will be worth it. I really think she's a likeable person, and don't want to be wrong. Nothing else is panning out, though I'm cautiously perusing OKC and POF each weekend. The whole scene feels scammy to me with all the bots and women using it for attention, and my election friends like my pics but aren't inviting me to stuff now that the election's over. Once the holidays are over, the excuses for that will be gone, but I'll look out for at least the member meetings to punch in. Getting out to shovel and interested to hear your perspective on how I parlay my fragile social and economic progress into developing this relationship. God, I hope I'm ready.

I don't understand why so many are viewing this and not replying when I see similar threads sparking conversations all the time. Do I have a "reputation" for wording my posts poorly or not responding adequately on this site? It seems when I talked about my frustration with gaps in my life, I was given a mix of good advice and bootstraps, but when I finally talk about making progress and just want to make sure I don't wind up back at square one again struggling to develop my life, I get crickets. I'm not trying to brag or anything, don't have the confidence in my judgment to do so anyway. I just don't want to spend the next ten years of my life playing slow, painful catch-up for the experiences I didn't get in my 20s or teens while my peers enjoy the fruits of their neurotypicality, unless I can at least have SOME companionship along the way. No more solo journeys, dammit!

Well, only you can decide your course of action.
Either go or don't.
Trying to decide if she's "worth" it seems like you don't think too much of her and no one else is available so you're settling for this one.

OH GEORGE ! You need to get honest ASAP.
I also suggest if it doesn't come naturaly to you to be honest (ommission is a another way of being dishonest George) You need to learn that to be honest and have integrity is by far the most important things you will EVER HAVE NOTHING MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT INTEGRITY. Please tell this woman the truth if you lose her it will not be from you being 5' 6 " it will be from not having the integrity to be honest about that and everything.
If I were that woman , I would not be mad , i would not hate you , but i would have no reason to talk to you . Why talk to a person if you cannot believe what they say? I pull no punches not because i am mean ....but because dishonesty is as mean as it gets .

sincerely and i wish you that best ,

weez

sorry for being so STUPID ...I DID NOT realize i was posting to a yerars old post ....the advice is TIMELESS THOUGH ID LIKE TO ADD!!

REALLY?? MAKING PROGRESS? bEING SO OUTRAGESOUSLY DISHONEST IS MAKING PROGRESS TO YOU? I hope that girl did not fall for you . Not being honest is as bad as it gets. i also need to say of your tag line ...of do not want to screw it up ...ive got news for you even if you managed to "land" her ...as far as screwing up , youve already lied ...so it is too late to not screw it up. And George the saddest thing make that second saddest thing about this you do not seem to have a clue that to not have integrity is a terrible thing . You do not even seem to have a clue that to lie is wrong. And that is tragic. and you seem to be just like my husband. and that is tragic.

I think she's really nice and enjoyed my conversation with her last night. Just don't want to let her down, since I really think she'd be a great partner or friend.

I'm really sorry to hear that your marriage is running into problems, weez, and sympathize with what it's like to give and feel like you get nothing in return. Us autistics can come off like "softboy" poseurs when we're at our most charming, but I assure you it's by accident, we're just that sexy. Commission lies are difficult for me and I don't have any desire to tell them, and if height, or living with my mother, or my finances were to come up in an honest question, I feel at this point I could answer them. I just don't want to deal with stereotypes of the little Napoleon, the basement-dweller, or the deadbeat on the dole, respectively, from a woman who doesn't see the personality in my frame and doesn't understand the situations, macroeconomic and executive-function-wise, that lead me to live with less than my intelligence dictates and certainly less than the cookie-cutter American Dream. People often prejudge unfairly, and while I never intend to deceive, I refuse to cut myself off at the knees on an "instant-gratification" medium like the Internet where I can't get to know a woman before she judges the façade. I upload real pictures, talk about my real interests, and ask women about their real profiles, and I always conduct myself with class in conversations to the best of my ability.

As for height, when was the last time you felt certain of a guess at someone's height in inches? She lists 5 feet on her entry, for all I know she might be a little taller, but if not I doubt an six-inch difference is going to look that different from a eight-inch one when we stand next to each other, and if it's that glaring, there probably wasn't much going on to begin with. It's a minor detail to gloss over, IMO, and I wouldn't even think to fudge it if I hadn't heard recently of women putting arbitrary cutoffs above my height, making 6 feet say ridiculous but 5 foot 8 just insurance since it's the one superficial judgment easiest to make by profile-skimmers. I love her personality and intelligence and have told her so, but I also am drawn to zaftig women such as herself, perhaps because they look cuddly and warm to me, and am lucky that they tend to be shorter than me in a world where most people still subscribe to prehistoric height gap stereotypes. She is beautiful to me inside and out, appreciates my knowledge and sense of humor (and more importantly tells me so) like no woman I've ever met has before, and I want to make her as happy to be with me as I am to text her. I just am unsure of the logistics that will make this work.

You could try skyping each other, see how that works first.
People can be very different in real time.

Update: On selfie #5, lots of flirting and compliments, even as she was getting ready for the holiday. We're not in touch daily, but when we are, it's great. Weather sucks for this weekend, and not sure when it will work to see each other, but all her behavior points to being attracted to me. In this day and age, what we have is a long distance relationship, and just knowing it's possible is half the battle. I look better than my pictures in person IMO, and she was really sweet about my real 5foot6 height (yes, weez, I came clean) being 2 inches above her minimum preference range and how much she valued my living with my elderly mother and helping her out with chores. The professional situation is taking care of itself, so I feel really confident now. Just got to apply it everywhere else and I'm golden.

Can you drive and do you have access to a car? If so, a 2 hour distance should be no big deal if you want to meet up with her. Unlike some people, I don't think that you and she need to be the perfect match if you want a date.

They're all far away mane, these things require massive patience and commitment. But be wary! A lot of chicks (especially NT's) easily lose patience and find commitment for too long boring. You can't really control if or when that'd happen if it did but always be vigilant. Good luck!

I can drive. It's more like an hour and a half. This isn't the weekend for it, just gotta find one that is.

TY Pyromaniac. Gotta keep the fire burning LOL. She seems a little old-fashioned, but always good to be careful. These days, a lot of guys are in the same place as those ladies you speak of. Their preferred m.o. is to bludgeon a girl over the head with mixed signals, confusing her NT brain that likes it (I imagine it's harder with neurodiverse women who don't like the ambiguity) and getting her into bed quickly, then they go on as f**k buddies unless she gets emotionally attached, at which point the guy cuts and runs. Classically NT women have no defense against this because it appeals to a primitive part of their brain they're not consciously aware of any more than the fuckboi himself is, while those women that can fight it have a touch of the spectrum genius even if they're vulnerable to more obvious forms of predation. Ironically, my obvious one-track-mind efforts to make connection through conversation on an honest, ethical basis come off as manipulative and creepy, so I've found being aloof as is my wont better at making platonic friendships in real life. Most women in my generation seem resolved to split their time between the hookup culture described above and making the deep connections with guys their mothers made at cocktail parties or socials and whatnot on the Internet instead of IRL, and that's the only place I've found I can successfully make the mental connection before making the physical one, but that leaves me the suspense of "Can the physical me measure up to the virtual me?" After all, the women have usually tapered their interest off by this point, though the dying mother of the one who lives 45 min away from me was a factor with one. Guys can interpret attraction as clinginess or craziness, and they may be right in some cases, but if she's attached to me as she seems from her texts, flirting, fishing for compliments, etc., the best thing I can do to set myself apart from the herd of suitors is not to try too hard to change myself (that seems desperate anyhow) but simply to stay in contact, really let the compliment of sustained attention sink in to my daily life and make the rest worthwhile, and just build confidence on whatever this turns out to be. Such a different holiday living like this.

Well, bit of a speed bump I think. Panicked a bit when I got home from an office bowling event, just couldn't socialize properly with the noise and hated the communication delay talking, was already leaning toward nixing the sports bar, then Mom talked me into not only that but also messaging her to suggest the halfway meetup point (actually third from me to her or so) rather than to drive an hour to the woman's hometown to see her. Mom already fretted about my long-distance driving (thought I'd fall asleep) and pressured me to bring her and drop her off at a nearby mall or something. Haven't heard back from the woman since I texted at 2:30 and now it's 7, usually she doesn't text until 8 or 9 but if she doesn't even mention, I'm not sure whether to press or just let go. I'm so terrified she'll be unwilling to come to my home town or even meet me half way, and my mother's talking smack about her expecting me to go that far like it's an attitude thing. She lives with her parents too, so I don't know how independent she is either, and feel like my mother's advice will destroy this relationship. I'm very close to my mother, feel so emasculated.

Never heard from her tonight. At least you guys should TALK TO ME! Answer my post already or let me know what to do! If it's deliberate, I can't tell what the deal-breaker was and feel devastated that I misjudged her so badly. Is this as good as it will ever get?