how do you dates go?

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I've been dating a friend for the last month and it feels weird. It could be that we're not meant for each other, but on the other hand I think it's more me screwing everything up. When I'm out on a date I remain mostly calm and have worked on breathing properly to stop myself having panic attacks. Check! But I noticed on Friday night when my boyfriend was talking and I was replying that the way I communicated, responded and expressed myself was really bad. I tried so hard to communicate as best I could but a lot of the time I couldn't make eye contact and instead of participating in conversation I said "yes" or "mm". And then earlier this year there was an old boyfriend who touched my hand gently across the table, but how did I respond? Oh yes, I gasped and leapt out of my chair

Dates don't usually go well for me, I should stop dating.

It just seems like you’re hyper focused on your own behavior. Not a bad thing to be able to see where you went wrong, but worrying too much about acting “correctly” can make you seem timid. I get that way too, but I’ve learned over time to just focus on others. Do you drink at all? Don’t have to get anywhere close to drunk but maybe 1 or 2 could rid you of some of this until you learn to go with the flow naturally.

No I don't drink, I hate the taste of alcohol. But I do think I focus too much on the way I act and the things I do. I try not to, but it's hard especially when I realise the atmosphere on the date seems off. Though that could just be me thinking too much in to it.

Much of what you describe sounds like your anxiety talking; good for you for focusing on your breathing, and trying to relax. Most folk don't communicate very well; they're so busy composing their response they don't really hear what the other person is saying, and one of our great commonalities is the desire to be truly heard. Communication is a skill, and like any other skill can be learned and improved upon. You might want to get a book or two on 'active listening' or 'interpersonal communication'. We are our own worst critics; you're probably doing much better than you give yourself credit for. Please be gentle with yourself.

Please don't stop dating. If it doesn't turn out to be 'true love' (unrealistic expectations are a major problem of mine), then at least it's good practice; honing your skills, preparing you for when it is. Never stop trying.
My mate has frequently observed that I truly "suck at dating". Despite my lack of dating skills, we've been married seven years now, and we're quite happy. If I had stopped trying, gave up and isolated myself, I'd have never experienced the blessing of having her in my life.
Be at peace.

I do suffer from bad anxiety, usually over stupid stuff but they seem important to me and cause my anxiety to explode like a volcano. In the beginning when I was 19 dates were nonexistent because I couldn't cope, at the time I literally thought it was all anxiety and stress but now I know better that it was Autism related. Its taken a long time and has been exhausting and trialing to be in the position where I can date without having a panic attack or coming over sick. There was a time where I had to keep darting to the toilets where I threw up from anxiety Luckily I didn't get kissed on those dates, if I had I can only imagine my boyfriend would have have been horrified lol.

I defos won't stop dating. One of my main goals for life is to meet a nice man and settle down, but even though I have Autism I won't let that stop me. I follow through with most things I want to do and rarely give up so I don't intend to give up anytime soon. I've made good progress with dating, I watch my breathing and make sure I'm calm. If I get too anxious I simply ask if we can go outside for some air, my boyfriend is really understanding and always says of course so I'm always ok now. I'm not sure how he'll react when I tell him about the Autism but I know him well now and think he'll be fine with it.
A lot of it is me being picky to be honest. I can't help it, I'm a perfectionist and if things don't go as well as I want them to then I spend all day trying to figure out what I did wrong. Was it my hair? How I acted? Did I not communicate properly? All thoughts that cross my mind if I feel I didn't do well. But I learnt to control my breathing when I get anxious so I'm sure I can overcome this as well.

Ty for the idea of getting some books, I didn't think of looking anything like that up. I'm going to Google some now.
And congratulations on having a successful relationship, that is one of my dreams. Be at peace and try hard, I can definitely do it.

THIS!

I will not allow my life to be defined by the DSM-5.

Faith,

Good luck to you and I hope that your anxiety lessens as you have more dating experience. I would like someday soon to experience what dating is like. I have never been really successful in that area of my life, although other things are improving.

Ty so much IstominFan, I hope it lessens as well, anxiety can be really annoying at times when it stops you from doing seemingly ordinary things. Like dating. But it's improving now with each day, it's still hard but overall I am lot better than I was say a year ago. I still have to watch my breathing and make sure I say and do the right things.
I'm glad things are improving for you as well, even if it isn't in matters of dating. Any improvement is something you can be proud of. Give it time, dating is literally the hardest thing I've ever done. It's hard work and if I'm not careful I'll be having panic attacks again, I definitely don't want that.
I used to be so unapproachable when it came to men, I used to go really red, speak so fast I jumbled up my words and I used to have constant panic attacks if I got overwhelmed. I'm a lot better now though.
You will find someone I know it, you sound like a really nice person and whoever you meet and date will be lucky to have someone like you in their life. Good luck, it will be worth it in the end.

Thank you, Faith!

Anxiety is a hard thing. I'm glad you are doing things that help lessen it. I need to learn to relax more, too.