Jealousy

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I have a jealous boyfriend, why do men get jealous? I thought it was only women. My boyfriend don’t want me to have male friends.

Ooh, boy. That's what you call being controlling. If that continues you need to leave him.

DO NOT TOLERATE such behavior from him. period.

Is this the boyfriend in the UK, whom you haven't even met yet? You haven't met him but he's already trying to restrict your social circle and limit your number of friends ... from a different continent? That's not jealousy, which would be bad enough. That's control. He calls it jealousy so you'll feel flattered, when in reality he wants you to give up your support system. He probably wants you to stop having female friends too, but he knows that would sound "weird". He wants to be the only person you listen to.

Red Flag. Adios, dude.

I guess jealousy is not gender-bound. But it's unhealthy not to be able to trust your partner.
Most of my friends are male so I never tolerated jealousy in potential boyfriends. I want to trust him. If he doesn't trust me, I know it won't work.

Honestly, It really depends how you behave with your male friends, I don't mind if a woman I am dating has male friends.

But if for example you sexually flirt, or cuddle or rub them or let them rub their crotch on your on the dancing floor like how one girl I dated did in the nightclub, then come on.... that's when this 'friendship' becomes off-limit and "enough is enough" in my book. Not only I would feel jealous but I would also break up immediately.

I don’t entirely agree. It might be control. But I also feel it’s about loyalty. If you’re committed to someone, what are you doing spending time with other men?

It’s not cool to bring that up, and I understand why. But it also makes men (AND WOMEN!! !) powerless to expect that their SO won’t either fall into temptation to cheat or fall prey to a manipulator. I know good and well I’m attracted to other women and prone to cheating. What do I do about it? I stay away from women I’m not married to.

And I can say without a single ounce of projection that yes, a lot of men will take advantage of women at the first opportunity and con women into believing it’s what THEY want or that it was THEIR idea. It’s not my wife I mistrust. It’s other men. If you say you are committed to someone in a relationship, you should ACT like it and not invite trouble. Knowing that others want you and acting like the feelings of SO’s don’t matter is not the way to show your love for someone. It shows you want someone else’s attention. Why risk it? If your friendships with MOOS are more important to you than with your SO, maybe you’re not that serious about the relationship and you should end it.

And yes, I’m serious about all of that.

That said, however...

I generally take a negative view of online-only relationships. It looks to me that those are really mostly fantasy relationships anyway. If it were me, I’d divulge relatively little about my meatspace relationships and just do whatever I wanted. You’re not being dishonest. It’s just what you do with other men is flat none of his business. I mean...do you honestly believe he’s not seeing other women? People do often project their own guilt onto their partners. He might be jealous of your other men because he’s struggling with actual cheating himself.

I’m not in a position to say he’s right OR that he’s being controlling. Only you can say. Perhaps, though, you do need to assess just how important he is to you and how much he really deserves to know about your personal life.

You guys haven't even met in person yet----yet he's trying to tell you not to have male friends! WTF? That's very controlling behavior.

Not a good sign.

Like Isabella said....adios, amigo!

If my wife had male friends, I'd be happy. I trust her. People need friends beyond any sort of romantic relationship.

You haven't even met him yet and he's telling you that you can't have male friends?! That's a major red flag. He sounds controlling. I'd ditch that real fast.

He claims to be possessive ... but he hasn't even come to meet you.
Don't be his ego booster. Run, don't walk from this guy.

I have known women in the past who have been shacked up with controlling guys and it's really bad.

Kitty, something tells me you are hearing what others are saying, but you are not listening to what everyone is trying to tell you. Please don't let this person set your boundaries, you are free as a bird and if he won't let you fly you might really want to think about what people that care about you are trying to tell you. Sometimes when someone has strong feelings about someone else they want to overlook the negative, please don't tune us out Kitty.