Starting dating

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all, I'm 23 years old, but have only just decided to start and actively get involved in the romantic side of life. It's not that I couldn't girls interested, it's just that I was too nervous too actually do anything about it, and unfortunately tended to end up being very rude, even cruel, in the process of distancing myself. Recently however a girl on my course that I knew pretty much contacted me out of the blue, we went for some coffee together (which was somewhat awkward) and she came round to see my cat (she's obsessed with cats almost!), and we talk by text everyday now. However anything more than this hasn't come up, and I suspect she just wants me as a friend, and, as much as I do like her, I'm not convinced she'd be the right girl for me anyways, and there's also that I'm somewhat unwilling to potentially ruin a friendship (of which I have very few, I intentionally isolated myself for a while) trying to make this relationship something it is not. What this event has done is convinced me a relationship is something I want and could have and also prompted me to make more effort with people generally. Someone else on my course recommended online dating for me, and I was wondering if there was anything out there that is particularly suitable for aspies? Any help would be much appreciated!

Have you made any move on this girl, given her a compliment, tried to grab her hand, kiss her etc? If you don't she will automatically consider you a friend. Men who are interested in more than friendship make sure to let the girl know and she sounds pretty interested in you to me. Of course if you're not certain about your feelings for her then you should keep it on a friends level.

Online dating is a good way to meet new people. I've even made friends through online dating! I don't know of any dating website suited for autistic people though but it would be cool if it existed, I just use the regular ones.

I suggested coffee, and i said one of the pictures of herself (with cat) she sent was particularly nice, but I guess that's it, I haven't done anything to definitely let her know I'm interested. I guess my feeling is that if she said she wanted more from me than to just chat about her cat, music and travel interests, I would be game, but unless she did I'm just happy to be friends. A caveat to that is that I suspect she may be mildly ASD, given that she is often awkward, and has a few odd dislikes (if she does I'm quite sure she does not know about it) as well as various other reasons, so she may well be nervous. She does actually have some previous relationship experience unlike me though and I know she's been on quite a few dates over the last few years, and she can also hardly have not noticed that I'm somewhat reserved person who would likely need it to be made clear is she were interested in anything more.

I don't suppose you have any advice about online dating that would be pertinent to someone who is new to it and dating in general, any sites which are particularly good etc.

I don't think online dating is a good idea for ANYONE, especially young men, and especially those with Asperger's. No, I think your best bet would be to meet a woman through work, education, a recreational club, volunteer work or something like that.

Why, even if it didn't go anywhere, what's the worst that could happen?

Young men - even very attractive ones - so enormously outnumber women of the same age group on those sites that it's quite possible to send a hundred messages out and not get a single response. And if you get responses at all, they won't very often lead to a date. If you have fragile self esteem to begin with - I don't know if you do, but many aspies do - this can all be crushing.

There's also the issue where dating this way fails to develop real-world social skills.

If you mean with online dating, the worst that could happen is you won't find someone that way. But other then that, you could meet someone that way. I met my boyfriend on Okcupid and before I met him I dated other guys from there but it didn't work out with any of them and a couple kind of led me on...but that's dating, getting disappointed till you find the right person.

Some people will say on there you want to just spam messege as many people as possible, but I would say its better to look at profiles and just message girls you think you could potentially get along with based on their profile and send them a personalized message. Or you can try both approaches I suppose...but really it just opens another way to meet potential relationship partners than only meeting people IRL locations.

Tetreg, it would help you to view dating as a learning and growth experience, one that might eventually lead to a life partner, but that outcome is a long ways down the road.

I'd pursue things a little bit with this gal that contacted you out of the blue. Ask her to see a movie with you, and pay for hers unless she would prefer to pay her own ticket.

You will - ideally - make many, many mistakes in interpersonal relations. If you can remain humble and open-minded, and not go ballistic when you get a rejection, you will emerge a much happier and stronger person. Now, another member told you not to go into online dating at all. Well, I disagree, but if you are meeting and dating lots of girls without online dating, fine. If you are not, try online dating. It seems to be where people meet, in this day and age.

Sweetleaf and I both met our partners online. And both of us had some rejections or incompatible dates before we got to that point. The most important common factor is we kept trying.

Many online dating sites require a credit card for someone to join. If you do not have a credit card, then forget about dating sites entirely because it will be a waste of your time.

OKCupid and PlentyOfFish are both still free, I believe. If you want, you can pay a premium to appear at the top of search results.