I'm really struggling

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I'm a 28 year old male with no real prospects in life. I have no clarity in the direction to go in and currently find myself unemployed. I also don't drive or get out of the house much. I don't really value things like money, fame and social status. I'm also a physical mess just to add insult to injury.

Basically i'm everything that a woman doesn't want. It makes me deeply sad and depressed and sometimes suicidal.

I feel so alone. I don't have any friends, I don't think i'm capable of having friends. I need someone I can be close to, real close to, someone like me, who understands me and won't judge me for not being "normal".

I'm hanging off a cliff edge, I know i'm looking for something that simply doesn't exist. I see no purpose in existence and think it's just a flook of an unmeasurably large universe.

I don't want to live anymore but i'm too much of a coward to end it, which makes my internal torture even more unbearable. If there is a hell, then this must be it. It's just endless pain and suffering with no hope in sight.

I was like that when I was single. I'm disabled & only worked about 38 months of my life. I cant drive cuz my vision is too bad & I was forced to live with my parents due to no other options available to me which I HATED. I did have an income thou & was on SSI before I started working & it later switched to Social Security Disability after I quit working. I was very desperate for a relationship but had no luck but bad trying to get one. I couldn't even get a date. I would of gone the mail-order bride route if I had the money & resources & I would of taken in a girl who needed a place to stay for some reason if I had my own place.
I played on my strengths when trying to find someone. I'm very affectionate, love spending time with my partner, & I think being supportive(or at least trying to be) is one of my biggest relationship strengths. I looked for women who also had various disabilities & other issues & problems. I posted about that aLOT on forums & I eventually met my 2nd girlfriend & latter current on this one. My current girlfriend is disabled & on various benefits, has a lot more than I have. She has a Section 8 housing voucher & had lived alone for a year but couldn't really handle it due to various emotional & physical issues. She needs a lot of emotional support which I try my best to provide & it works out for us for the most part.

don't give up hope. i really believe there is somebody for everybody out there.

"I don't really value things like money, fame and social status." That is a quality that many women would find attractive. It sounds like you are someone with a lot of love to share with a partner. The best men in my life are unemployed, overweight, sick and not "normal." Keep being you and try to find at least one trait a day to be proud of. You can do it! Maybe just try to get outside more