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sly279
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24 Dec 2018, 3:58 am

This lady says she’s a stay at home mom, and owns a home and has her stuff together.
If she’s a stay at home mom, she does t habe a job, hows she have her stuff together and afford a home. She said she’s divorced, maybe she gets alimony?
Seems but hypocritical to demand a man with a good job and his stuff together.
It confuses me.

I’m not knocking moms, I just don’t see how someone can be a stay at home mom unless in a relationship or living off their parents. You need income and to get that you need a job no?



Prometheus18
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24 Dec 2018, 4:03 am

There's literally a dozen possible reasons: alimony, investments, pension, wealthy relatives, etc. Probably best not to pry.



sly279
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24 Dec 2018, 4:22 am

Prometheus18 wrote:
There's literally a dozen possible reasons: alimony, investments, pension, wealthy relatives, etc. Probably best not to pry.

At 28?
Since she mention being divorced I’m going guess alimony from well off ex.

I can’t pry since OkCupid won’t eben let me message her, not thst is would as I don’t meet her requirements to talk to her.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Dec 2018, 4:38 am

Maybe she sells homemade stuff? Freelancer?

Maybe her parents are rich?

One time a girl aged 23 on a dating app claimed to me in a chat that she owns 4 restaurants , and I was like "Ah....nice" , I mean no one born poor can establish 4 restaurants, come on. It's like when Ivanka Trump tells us how to be rich.



Sabreclaw
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24 Dec 2018, 5:03 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Maybe she sells homemade stuff? Freelancer?

Maybe her parents are rich?

One time a girl aged 23 on a dating app claimed to me in a chat that she owns 4 restaurants , and I was like "Ah....nice" , I mean no one born poor can establish 4 restaurants, come on. It's like when Ivanka Trump tells us how to be rich.


If they're a highly dedicated and charismatic badass, they could pull that off, with time and patience. But at the age of 23? That's a pretty damn successful woman to achieve that from scratch. Of course, we're assuming these four restaurants are actually successful. Any dumbass with some spare cash can get a loan and buy a restaurant or a franchise, then watch it collapse. My grandfather blew the family fortune trying to keep his stupid deli alive. In the end he managed to change the family from upper-middle class to poor. Bloody idiot.

I save my money and have $30k after a year of working. Done cleaning, conservation, and gardening. Not exactly top-tier earner jobs. I could undoubtedly impress banks with what I've got and get a loan to do all sorts of useless crap.

My point in this is that owning a few restaurants might sound really impressive, but it's not necessarily a major achievement.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Dec 2018, 5:19 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Maybe she sells homemade stuff? Freelancer?

Maybe her parents are rich?

One time a girl aged 23 on a dating app claimed to me in a chat that she owns 4 restaurants , and I was like "Ah....nice" , I mean no one born poor can establish 4 restaurants, come on. It's like when Ivanka Trump tells us how to be rich.


If they're a highly dedicated and charismatic badass, they could pull that off, with time and patience. But at the age of 23? That's a pretty damn successful woman to achieve that from scratch. Of course, we're assuming these four restaurants are actually successful. Any dumbass with some spare cash can get a loan and buy a restaurant or a franchise, then watch it collapse. My grandfather blew the family fortune trying to keep his stupid deli alive. In the end he managed to change the family from upper-middle class to poor. Bloody idiot.

I save my money and have $30k after a year of working. Done cleaning, conservation, and gardening. Not exactly top-tier earner jobs. I could undoubtedly impress banks with what I've got and get a loan to do all sorts of useless crap.

My point in this is that owning a few restaurants might sound really impressive, but it's not necessarily a major achievement.



Frankly I think most entrepreneurs are crazy, most startups fail statistically so I don't understand why anyone would leave a good career in order to make their 'dream business ' , I see 99% of them fail, I only knew one who was successful but he didn't leave his job, it just brings him extra little money.

My coworker is now putting half of what he saved into a mobile app idea - crazy - (and he has no software development background at all - he's just charismatic and salesperson), succeeding in the app market is harder than winning the lottery, literally: https://venturebeat.com/2017/09/24/your ... lmost-nil/



The Grand Inquisitor
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24 Dec 2018, 5:51 am

sly279 wrote:
This lady says she’s a stay at home mom, and owns a home and has her stuff together.
If she’s a stay at home mom, she does t habe a job, hows she have her stuff together and afford a home. She said she’s divorced, maybe she gets alimony?
Seems but hypocritical to demand a man with a good job and his stuff together.
It confuses me.

I’m not knocking moms, I just don’t see how someone can be a stay at home mom unless in a relationship or living off their parents. You need income and to get that you need a job no?

Alimony + 50/50 resource split from a divorce (the man could have been wealthy) + Welfare child payments. Maybe she works from home, lots of different ways she could potentially get that income, though a fair few of the possibilities don't scream 'self-sufficiency' to me.



hurtloam
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24 Dec 2018, 6:21 am

sly279 wrote:
Seems but hypocritical to demand a man with a good job and his stuff together.
It confuses me.


If her kids are pre-school she works a helluva lot harder than you do. 24/7



The Grand Inquisitor
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24 Dec 2018, 7:07 am

hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Seems but hypocritical to demand a man with a good job and his stuff together.
It confuses me.


If her kids are pre-school she works a helluva lot harder than you do. 24/7

That has exactly zero to do with where she gets her income from, which is what the post is about.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Dec 2018, 7:24 am

hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Seems but hypocritical to demand a man with a good job and his stuff together.
It confuses me.


If her kids are pre-school she works a helluva lot harder than you do. 24/7


Stay-at-home-mom is not the hardest job in the world.

The working mom is though.

This author explained this beautifully:
https://theweek.com/articles/684153/yes ... -job-world



Sabreclaw
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24 Dec 2018, 7:32 am

hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Seems but hypocritical to demand a man with a good job and his stuff together.
It confuses me.


If her kids are pre-school she works a helluva lot harder than you do. 24/7


If we start running a competition on who works the hardest then everyone in the western world is going to come up short.



The Grand Inquisitor
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24 Dec 2018, 7:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Seems but hypocritical to demand a man with a good job and his stuff together.
It confuses me.


If her kids are pre-school she works a helluva lot harder than you do. 24/7


Stay-at-home-mom is not the hardest job in the world.

The working mom is though.

This author explained this beautifully:
https://theweek.com/articles/684153/yes ... -job-world

Another thing, being born into a society where you have to work to sustain a livable lifestyle isn't a choice but being a parent is, and when it's not a choice it's due to poor decision making that you could argue is an indirect choice. If you put yourself in a situation where you're a single parent raising a child and you also need to work to make ends meet, that's pretty dumb. Make sure the person you're having kids with is the right one and will stick around and help raise them and you won't be in that situation unless they unfortunately pass before their time. Who you have children with is one of the most important decisions you can make on this planet, and too many are just so apathetic or even careless about it. It blows my mind.

If I were to have kids, I'd be making damn sure that the person I had them with was responsible, caring, etc etc, everything I would want the mother of my children to be, and I'd step up to the plate and be the father I wish I'd had. I'm sick of irresponsible, selfish, shortsighted people having kids and then depriving them the experience of having a family unit with a loving mother and father. Too many broken homes, too many single parents who have to take on all the responsibilities generally shouldered by two parents and therefore can't fulfill one or both roles well, it's the children who miss out, and we wonder why society is going down the tube.



hurtloam
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24 Dec 2018, 8:17 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Seems but hypocritical to demand a man with a good job and his stuff together.
It confuses me.


If her kids are pre-school she works a helluva lot harder than you do. 24/7

That has exactly zero to do with where she gets her income from, which is what the post is about.


No the question is about the hypocrisy of gender expectations.

I'm not trolling. I'm saying, dont throw stones in glass houses.



The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Dec 2018, 9:19 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Seems but hypocritical to demand a man with a good job and his stuff together.
It confuses me.


If her kids are pre-school she works a helluva lot harder than you do. 24/7


Stay-at-home-mom is not the hardest job in the world.

The working mom is though.

This author explained this beautifully:
https://theweek.com/articles/684153/yes ... -job-world

Another thing, being born into a society where you have to work to sustain a livable lifestyle isn't a choice but being a parent is, and when it's not a choice it's due to poor decision making that you could argue is an indirect choice. If you put yourself in a situation where you're a single parent raising a child and you also need to work to make ends meet, that's pretty dumb. Make sure the person you're having kids with is the right one and will stick around and help raise them and you won't be in that situation unless they unfortunately pass before their time. Who you have children with is one of the most important decisions you can make on this planet, and too many are just so apathetic or even careless about it. It blows my mind.

If I were to have kids, I'd be making damn sure that the person I had them with was responsible, caring, etc etc, everything I would want the mother of my children to be, and I'd step up to the plate and be the father I wish I'd had. I'm sick of irresponsible, selfish, shortsighted people having kids and then depriving them the experience of having a family unit with a loving mother and father. Too many broken homes, too many single parents who have to take on all the responsibilities generally shouldered by two parents and therefore can't fulfill one or both roles well, it's the children who miss out, and we wonder why society is going down the tube.



There are many reasons why one would end up as a single parent; death of the spouse or the spouse turning out bad - people change you know, and no matter how sure you are about your spouse, you can never predict how he/she’ll turn out in the future.



The Grand Inquisitor
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24 Dec 2018, 9:23 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Seems but hypocritical to demand a man with a good job and his stuff together.
It confuses me.


If her kids are pre-school she works a helluva lot harder than you do. 24/7


Stay-at-home-mom is not the hardest job in the world.

The working mom is though.

This author explained this beautifully:
https://theweek.com/articles/684153/yes ... -job-world

Another thing, being born into a society where you have to work to sustain a livable lifestyle isn't a choice but being a parent is, and when it's not a choice it's due to poor decision making that you could argue is an indirect choice. If you put yourself in a situation where you're a single parent raising a child and you also need to work to make ends meet, that's pretty dumb. Make sure the person you're having kids with is the right one and will stick around and help raise them and you won't be in that situation unless they unfortunately pass before their time. Who you have children with is one of the most important decisions you can make on this planet, and too many are just so apathetic or even careless about it. It blows my mind.

If I were to have kids, I'd be making damn sure that the person I had them with was responsible, caring, etc etc, everything I would want the mother of my children to be, and I'd step up to the plate and be the father I wish I'd had. I'm sick of irresponsible, selfish, shortsighted people having kids and then depriving them the experience of having a family unit with a loving mother and father. Too many broken homes, too many single parents who have to take on all the responsibilities generally shouldered by two parents and therefore can't fulfill one or both roles well, it's the children who miss out, and we wonder why society is going down the tube.



There are many reasons why one would end up as a single parent; death of the spouse or the spouse turning out bad - people change you know, and no matter how sure you are about your spouse, you can never predict how he/she’ll turn out in the future.

[Color=red]I did mention death, and you're right that they might turn bad, but I don't think the vetting process used in western culture is nearly good enough as it stands. I don't think some people even think about these things.



kraftiekortie
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24 Dec 2018, 10:18 am

I can't stand these sorts of discussions.

I don't think anybody would criticize Sly if he were a stay-at-home dad who recently got divorced.

I wish people wouldn't go by the sorts of people who hang out on dating sites.

For every one of those women who demand that a man "have his life together," there are several who don't demand that.

Many women, these days, don't want to rely on a man in any way---financially or what have you.

My wife certainly doesn't rely on me (if she did, she wouldn't be where she is now).