Late 20's to 30's: dating & romance

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Ecomatt91
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12 Apr 2018, 4:37 am

Hi all, just wondering are you experiencing isolation missing out potential dates, never had a relationship nor have been asked out on a date? Myself at 27, I have been rejected a lot by women who even I find attractive. Have you been socially active as well? I have attend a lot of events in my life. I host and attend Meetup.com events, run a local environment group, went to community events every week, member of local free fitness bootcamp classes three times a week and part of running club. I played sports, went to few social groups of similar interests. I met lot of women through there, still no potential dates. Big thing I am keynote public speaker for my advocacy in Autism and hearing loss. I am developing a social enterprise business too.

So is it true that people on the spectrum struggle to find a date and relationship even in their late 20's into 30's? Late bloomers as well?

Would I overcome this? I mean I will love to have a girlfriend, get married and have kids but will this ever going to happen?



Closet Genious
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12 Apr 2018, 4:51 am

How much do you make?



Ecomatt91
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12 Apr 2018, 5:48 am

What are you talking about?



SteveSnow
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12 Apr 2018, 8:09 am

I did struggle with finding a relationship in my teens and early twenties. In retrospect I know now that some girls had shown interest but I didn't realize it. I only had 2 or 3 girlfriends. Once I hit my early 30's I started to settle into who I was and started to really feel comfortable. This allowed me to pay more attention to the world outside of me and I was more easily able to tell if a girl was interested. I've had as many relationships in the last 5 years as I did in the first 30.


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Closet Genious
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12 Apr 2018, 8:19 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
What are you talking about?


You asked if you were ever going to get a girlfriend, and I'm asking you how much you make.
This is pretty important.



yellowtamarin
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12 Apr 2018, 8:41 am

^ He's talking about money.



Ecomatt91
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13 Apr 2018, 12:57 am

Why ask such an inappropriate question in such offtopic agenda in this thread. I am asking for people experiences. Not for personal income. This is no such thing about relationships.



Ecomatt91
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13 Apr 2018, 1:04 am

SteveSnow wrote:
I did struggle with finding a relationship in my teens and early twenties. In retrospect I know now that some girls had shown interest but I didn't realize it. I only had 2 or 3 girlfriends. Once I hit my early 30's I started to settle into who I was and started to really feel comfortable. This allowed me to pay more attention to the world outside of me and I was more easily able to tell if a girl was interested. I've had as many relationships in the last 5 years as I did in the first 30.


What made you to feel comfortable? In what way this achieves? Were there still challenges like reading social cues, flirts, body language and that which become part of finding attraction?



Closet Genious
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13 Apr 2018, 1:06 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Why ask such an inappropriate question in such offtopic agenda in this thread. I am asking for people experiences. Not for personal income. This is no such thing about relationships.


Okay, that's a good enough answer. It couldn't be less off topic though.
You are naive, so you will probably have a hard time getting a girlfriend.



Ecomatt91
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13 Apr 2018, 1:16 am

Closet Genious wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
Why ask such an inappropriate question in such offtopic agenda in this thread. I am asking for people experiences. Not for personal income. This is no such thing about relationships.


Okay, that's a good enough answer. It couldn't be less off topic though.
You are naive, so you will probably have a hard time getting a girlfriend.


Excuse me?! Don't call me naive. Romance got nothing to do with money. I look after myself very well thank you very much. With this obnoxious attitudes on money and physical looks is a great way to have divorce and lack of empathy in abusive relationships.

I am not into money and looks.



The Grand Inquisitor
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13 Apr 2018, 5:12 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
Why ask such an inappropriate question in such offtopic agenda in this thread. I am asking for people experiences. Not for personal income. This is no such thing about relationships.


Okay, that's a good enough answer. It couldn't be less off topic though.
You are naive, so you will probably have a hard time getting a girlfriend.


Excuse me?! Don't call me naive. Romance got nothing to do with money. I look after myself very well thank you very much. With this obnoxious attitudes on money and physical looks is a great way to have divorce and lack of empathy in abusive relationships.

I am not into money and looks.

Your income is still going to factor into the equation. Maybe you don't care, but women seem to care more about their partner's income than men.

How many hearing impaired women do you know? I think you believe your lack of dating experience mostly has to do with autism, but it wouldn't surprise me if communication issues stemming from hearing loss factored in as well. Are you a member of any groups for people with hearing issues? I think you might have better luck if you were.



SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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13 Apr 2018, 9:30 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Your income is still going to factor into the equation. Maybe you don't care, but women seem to care more about their partner's income than men.


With money is it more a matter of simply being self sufficient or being rich? Able to afford some luxuries or excessive luxuries? Do I show up to first date with a $5000 designer handbag as a gift?

For myself I think I will go into computer science. I have seen a company post job listings saying $140k-$170k per year in LA but I have to imagine that's a best case scenario. There are others listing six figures. But even then I simply tend to be skeptical by nature and slow to trust so I have to wonder if it might be a moot point as I won't be dropping thousands on gifts for a girl I hardly know.

For me strong feelings and trust are things that will develop slowly. It just goes against my nature when I don't have strong feelings and trust, I would feel used and as though I am bringing no merits to the table other than what I'm willing to spend(Or is this what it's unapologetically about nowadays?).


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BeaArthur
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13 Apr 2018, 10:07 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Excuse me?! Don't call me naive. Romance got nothing to do with money. I look after myself very well thank you very much. With this obnoxious attitudes on money and physical looks is a great way to have divorce and lack of empathy in abusive relationships.

I am not into money and looks.

YOU may not be into them, but most of the dating pool age late 20's to 30's IS into them. And this is for good reason. As a teenager, most people are not looking to get pregnant right away, but as people mature and achieve some success in their career, they are anywhere from moderately to extremely interested in marriage and starting a family. (Obviously, there are exceptions.)

Looks and money matter in these ways:

a. Ability of a man to support a woman during the family years. This is where money comes in. And women are especially unwilling to take on a mate who will actually require support from them, rather than providing the financial support.

b. Fitness for procreation. A healthy body, strong and fit, and regular, symmetrical facial features are predictors of success in reproduction and also success in reaching adulthood. So, people instinctively select people with these positives.


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SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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13 Apr 2018, 10:21 am

BeaArthur wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
Excuse me?! Don't call me naive. Romance got nothing to do with money. I look after myself very well thank you very much. With this obnoxious attitudes on money and physical looks is a great way to have divorce and lack of empathy in abusive relationships.

I am not into money and looks.

YOU may not be into them, but most of the dating pool age late 20's to 30's IS into them. And this is for good reason. As a teenager, most people are not looking to get pregnant right away, but as people mature and achieve some success in their career, they are anywhere from moderately to extremely interested in marriage and starting a family. (Obviously, there are exceptions.)

Looks and money matter in these ways:

a. Ability of a man to support a woman during the family years. This is where money comes in. And women are especially unwilling to take on a mate who will actually require support from them, rather than providing the financial support.

b. Fitness for procreation. A healthy body, strong and fit, and regular, symmetrical facial features are predictors of success in reproduction and also success in reaching adulthood. So, people instinctively select people with these positives.

a. That's quite understandable. That is actually concern of mine too, if I would be generous with a women especially early on if they might want to be like they're my kid and expect me to support them.(Supporting a family of course understandable, but not in a new relationship IMO like if I'd known a girl for 1 month or less)
b. I don't have the traditional "Prince Charming" looks but I do work out. Can we make up for crappy genetic lottery with hard work?


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314pe
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13 Apr 2018, 10:24 am

SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:
For myself I think I will go into computer science. I have seen a company post job listings saying $140k-$170k per year in LA but I have to imagine that's a best case scenario. There are others listing six figures. But even then I simply tend to be skeptical by nature and slow to trust so I have to wonder if it might be a moot point as I won't be dropping thousands on gifts for a girl I hardly know.

For software development, I would recommend looking into a less formal form of education like MOOC or a bootcamp. These days good github account could be more valuable than a bachelors degree.



SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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13 Apr 2018, 10:45 am

314pe wrote:
SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:
For myself I think I will go into computer science. I have seen a company post job listings saying $140k-$170k per year in LA but I have to imagine that's a best case scenario. There are others listing six figures. But even then I simply tend to be skeptical by nature and slow to trust so I have to wonder if it might be a moot point as I won't be dropping thousands on gifts for a girl I hardly know.

For software development, I would recommend looking into a less formal form of education like MOOC or a bootcamp. These days good github account could be more valuable than a bachelors degree.

Interesting please tell me more. These are unfamiliar to me so far.

Was thinking about bachelor's degree. I live outside of the US so the tuition will be a lot cheaper, though I would have to relocate to the US for work most likely. But even if I do eventually pursue a degree those could be helpful still. Am still at a point of thinking about this. It is a hard decision to decide what I will do for rest of my life.

Wow this is hard to believe: free education, not trying to strike it rich off of everyone's need for job skills!
https://www.edx.org/course/subject/computer-science
I think this will be hugely valuable for verifying that this is a good path for me in terms of fitting my skills though I do wonder if employers would be cool with it. I have checked around job postings on StackOverflow and most of them ask for a bachelor's degree


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