NT in love with an Aspie: advice?

Post Reply New Topic

Long story short: I'm NT and he's asperger, we have known each other's for three years now, though we met in real life only twice, briefly, cause we live far away.
I fell for him almost immediately, I can't say how about him. I think he likes me as a person and values our friendship, but I don't know if he feels more for me.
When he was with me he looked quite happy, even a bit overwhelmed, but he didn't express more than a shy physical affection (hugs).
I could think that he might be somewhat blocked, but maybe I am just being optimistic and the truth is that he simply doesn't care about me in that way.
I don't know what to think and I don't know what to do. Would it be appropriate to ask? Or am I going to make him run away?
We are both extremely shy. I am just a little less shy than him, probably, that's why I think that the ball is in my court and I am the one who should do the first move. I wouldn't want to lose him, that's why I am being even too careful!
Any advice?
Thanks

You are right. Just do the first move because he may be unsure with that. Be aware that he may be unable to guess any of your wishes for leaning on or being hugged or may be to shy or unsure for just doing it himself. Many aspies lack the empathy for that. Just get in touch to him as soon as you want it. He will like it as long as he likes you. You may also ask him for doing or tell him before you do he will not run away because of this. Don't be indirect or he may not get it. It's easier for him if you tell or show him what you like or want him to do.

I have Aspie, I have a NT boyfriend & he loves me. Just take things slowly, don’t rush, my boyfriend is being very patience with me, he lives in a different country.

Thanks for your replies.
Honestly I have been very patient for a long time and I think it's time to express my feelings and see what can happen. If he doesn't reciprocate my feelings we could stay friends, because I really appreciate him as a person, his intelligence and manners, and I would still want him in my life anyway.
The problem is that we live far away and we can't meet by chance, we have to organise the meeting. It means that I would have to organise it and be extremely direct about my feelings and expectations, which is not easy. It's required a lot of strength to do that, because I fear rejection.
And sometimes it's quite hard to communicate with him, when he goes through his silent times... Sometimes, but now it happens rarely, I need to wait a week or so before getting his replies to my messages! When it happens, it's not easy to stay confident and wait patiently for him to get in touch.
Sometimes I think that I should be an overly confident woman with the highest self-esteem to manage this relationship. But I am just an average woman, quite introverted and full of insecurities. I am only sure that we could be right for each other and probably quite happy together.