Dating as an aspie

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I really used to think I was bad at dating. Things would be fine for roughly a month or two and then be on a downward spiral. Every time things would go badly, I’d sit back and think “What’s wrong with me? Should I have said this or that?”

It was a very vicious cycle. I’d scour every dating advice article I could find to see if there was like some secret that other women knew about that I didn’t when it came to dating. I even tried hypnosis videos on YouTube that were supposedly going to help me with my dating woes.

You know what I didn’t think about? The fact that like all my former partners were neurotypical. They couldn’t really understand my quirks and I didn’t understand the unspoken rules of dating, especially in this generation.

In a moment of pure “f**k it” I jumped on OkCupid and put some pictures and a novel length bio. Weirdo after weirdo kept seeking me out. After the millionth “no I am not going to be part of (kink) with you” I was ready to delete the app, throw my phone out the window, and move to Siberia because honestly I was getting tired of men and their antics.

That all changed when my phone froze on this guy’s profile. Read his bio, creeped through his pictures, and looked at his answers to those questions. Decided, “hey let’s swipe right what’s the worst that could happen?”

Get a message pretty soon after asking about my affinity for men’s sweaters (they are so much better than the tissue paper that clothing companies peddle to women). Immediately, I thought to myself, “hey he pays attention to detail I like him.” We keep talking, exchange cell phone numbers and add each other on all the social media things.

What really set things ablaze was when he told me he was an Aspie. We both were like “WHAAAAATTTTTT?!” when we told each other that we were on the autism spectrum. Things started to click between us and for the first time in my life, it felt like somebody understood me. It was amazing.

Then came our first FaceTime call. I figured he was legit as he and I had been SnapChatting but I won’t lie, my heart jumped when his face came on the screen and I heard him say “hello.” We ended up talking for like three hours about everything.

Soon enough, we made plans to meet up. He lives quite a ways away from me. He willingly made the trip by bus to come to this town close to mine to meet up with me. Miraculously enough, I had to go there anyway with my mother.

The day arrives. I’m nervous as hell. My mom has to drive because I’m shaking. She stops at her destination and leaves me to venture forth to meet this guy.

I get to the bus stop and start thinking, “Well, if he tries to kidnap me I’m in a public place and someone will step in I hope.” My mind is playing re runs of Law and Order SVU at this point.

I see him come out of the bus stop and all that worry melts away. Next thing I know, I’m screeching “hello!” and my chunky body is running into the arms of a man I just met off the internet. We’re hugging and disoriented and excited all at the same time. I finally felt like I was home.

I lead him to my car, not even thinking how I’m leading a guy I met online to my car. It felt like we were two long lost lovers who hadn’t seen each other in years.

We search for a place to have lunch. We agree on a Thai place. My face is as red as the walls of the restaurant and I’m trying to talk but the words aren’t coming out. We finish lunch and head back to my car.

We’re driving around and decide to go into a local shopping mall. I park my car, and look at him. Next thing I know, we are kissing like it’s our last day on earth. When we finally stopped to catch our breath, he asked me, and I agreed, to be his girlfriend.

We’ve been able to spend time together when we’re both not working since then. Right now we are closing in on four months of absolute joy. I’ve felt more of a connection with this guy who lives 250 miles from me than the guy I was with in college who lived two dorm buildings away from me.

With my boyfriend, there’s no dumb rules. We communicate effectively what we are feeling. There’s no overthinking, no anxiety, no insecurities. It is so refreshing and amazing to have that connection with another human.

My dearest friends and sorority sisters have told us that we are the same person in two different bodies. I believe it. I can predict what he’s going to say and the same goes for him. We’ve got varying interests, but we enjoy watching each other get into it.

For example, he was showing me the transit museum in NYC. I listened to what he was telling me about the different types of subway cars and their histories, but I also enjoyed seeing him in his element. The light in his eyes when he was talking about a certain subway car he liked.

He could probably pass the nursing license boards because of all the lectures I’ve given. He loves watching me get animated about my experiences on my shifts at the psych ward.

Having the same interests is good, but the best indicator of a good relationship is liking how your partner lights up when they’re doing their thing.

The moral of the story is: dating is easy and fun when you’ve got the right person. I certainly do. I’m actually going to see him in the morning and I CANT WAIT!! !! !! !

Never had a date like that, sounds like you hit the jackpot.

Congratulations!

I enjoyed reading your story. I hope that discouraged Aspies here read it and gain courage.

When love is good, it's really, really good, isn't it?

I happen to be the guy in question. I can vouch for everything that AspieNurse is saying. She actually almost knocked me over as she ran to me the first time we met in person. The four months have gone by so fast and for the first time in a while, I'm becoming more involved in the ASD community.

I also encouraged her to join WP. ^_^

Thanks for sharing. Wish you the best together!

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I am as I am. Life has to be an adventure!