Ok guys I turned 24 last month.... I have tried internet dating and all but it just led to catfishes and some bummed out situations..... I've tried tinder. Hot or not and I've tried ok cupid but I don't know it was just catfished hookups with emotionally damaged women.
I've been in like one real relationship that was a waste of my time I honestly did it for all the wrong reasons.
I have been hit on by women of all types even very out of my league ones yet I'm too insecure to remain calm and make appropriate moves. Also I'm a bit socially ackword and very fidgety. May its an anxiety thing.
I used to use drugs and drink alot. Lately I've been
Using lsd to help motivate me and make my self feel better and more motivated to loose weight.
It has worked so far but it's only been a few days of dieting... I've lost almost 1 pound I'm not real heavy but I'm just heavy enough to make me feel more worn out and agrivate my fibromyalgia and my narcolepsy a fair bit which I feel is very come and go.i have periods of feeling achy and tired. I plan on tripping more in the future but not really a ton I feel there is still more to be explored.
I'm trying to fix myself in the interim. Before I go to any singles event type things because I have a level of confidence but it's not high.its basicly crap when it comes to women. It's because I've come to realize I'm addicted to feeling wound up about my weight.
I wanna loose the weight and slowly buy smaller clothes and eat healthier and healthier when I loose more and more weight.
I also have just no motivation or energy to get out of my bad habit slump...
I'm planning on loosing this weight I just for once wanna feel like a beautiful woman when she looks in the mirror before she goes out in her new dress when i look in the mirrior and smiles. Yet I would like to be a hetero male version.
I understand my weight is a big part of my issues plus not having moved out is very embarrassing to me plus my folk are just completely weird and a turn off to say the least.
Also I feel like I'm more of a softy and i feel that I'm one to fall in love and i fear meeting someone who can't take my give you the world or what ever to see you happy attitude twords dating.
I know I have a lot to offer and I know I'm a very sincere person, I also know I'm not good with very abrasive people, and I don't want to make women feel like I'm wasting there time by being more of a softy leaning a little bit alpha like alpha to beta I'm 40/60 if that makes any sense.
My whole plan is to not really in order except the last one
1) lose weight (and permintly keep it off) & feel better
2)slowly improve my wardrobe
3) force my self into better habits
4)get car detailed
5)get my beard professionally styled
6) get pics taken for my internet dating profiles
7)I wanna also join an activities group
•8 finish lyrics and finally record music
9)calm down and be less irrationally anxious
10) meditate daily starting at some point
11)perminatly quit vaping
12)stay caffine free
13)join an outdoor activities group
14) take singing lessons
15) fall in love
My last concerns are various but firstly...
when I imagine falling in love I imagine an asian or a latina woman in 8/10 scenarios in my head. I imagine her also to be like your average skinny to a bit curvy like as women say the hourglass body type but not very over weight.
Also I imagine her to be a little bit more out going then me. She would be down to earth and caring in a uniquely deep level thats rare and hard to find.
I'm not at all opposed to dating other races but I'm
Afraid I'll miss out on potential dates because of that.
I'm also afraid that I may be a hint too hung up on that and not care and just go on with some one and not be able to just be myself over some stupid stuff...
Also I'm not really into just having sex early on I wanna wait I lost my virginity to total scum who's not worthy of my seed or my time even...i have also slept with descently good looking chicks too
I'm afraid I can't find a woman who is nice yet not hung up on religion. I mean I'm catholic but I feel it in essence but not going to church and prayer groups and all.
I really at the end of the day wanna kill this dumb urge to just tell a girl I love her and say it early and ruin things. I didn't in my one relationship but still.
I mostly want a friend to hang with and be able to hold and to be able to spoil and make her all smiley and happy. I want the kind of friend who's very much motivational and I can laugh and cry with.
I know its work but I'm very motivated by love interests /love I feel. So I feel like it's the type of work I need.
In all this I fear I'm not a good conversationalist not horrible but not overly honed in it yet.
I feel I could do well with some work I. I know I have the following to offer
1)my intelligence
2)very strict commitment
3)i tend to be very compassionate
4)I'm very open minded
5)I'm very open and sincere
6)I'm a general hard worker
7)i always have alot to talk about
•8 I'm considerate and ultra compassionate
9)my creativity (I guess)
I don't know guys it's the waiting and wondering why I feel like this that's killing me. the more I think about this the sadder I feel as in I feel like I'm trapped by doubt.
But I'm pissed off cus I know I can do this and be successful but my fear isnt rooted in anything but me being very escapist and avoid things with out of proportion nonsense type attitude. it's just frustrating.
Auctually doing it freaks me out into a borderline panic.
I know I need to do it for me and the lover will come if I just put out the right branches once I feel good and am happier and have a sliglty less work centric life.
Also if I put out good vibes in a confident manner people will believe I love my self because I'm so confident in it that they cannot, not believe.
This may lead to me attracting a whole different type of lover too but I too unprepared for her
I really dont know I just really need a little bit of insite and some advice I guess on all of this... or even just some motivational words form this great community
When I think of love I see your face
But when I think of you I think of pain
My heart and mind are not on the same page
It's obvious I get carried away
All of the things that I don't know
All of the feelings I don't show
My mind doesn't know where to go tho
Got me standing in place like a photo
- Nothing, nowhere
01 Feb 2019, 1:32 pm
