At what point do people give up on dating?

Post Reply New Topic

With me, when I started to actively try dating 3 years ago, I finally just got burnt out by it. The cons started to heavily outweigh the pros and I just no longer have the energy to keep trying anymore. I've read on a lot of autistic articles that some autistic people can thrive in a life of solitude and I'm starting to wonder if thats me. Just way too many issues in the end, and being autistic doesn't help much either. Most of my issues that caused me to give up where due to a combination of the following:

-extremely judgmental girls in my city (example won't date me period because of looks, etc)

-girls that will quit talking to me once I say I'm high functioning autistic despite having a clean and normal email or text chat for over and hour.

-not able to fit the few girls that seemed like they would atleast eat with me or something due to my inconsistent days off and work schedule (I usually have to work late till 10 or later at night).

-finding out that a girl probably only went on a date with me because I had a job and money (in most cases they didn't), after taking one girl out to eat and using my gas, didn't hear a peep out of her for 2 weeks till one day outa the blue starts texting me asking for money for her supposedly dying dog. I promptly refused and the dog apparently musta had a miraculous recovery because from what I've seen on facebook, its still kicking and hoping like it was born yesterday.

-girls with too many kids. I have nothing against people with children, but where I live atleast its not uncommon for a girl to have had 2-3 kids before she even made it to 21 here. Finding a girl close to my age (24) that isn't married or doesn't already have kids is a rare gem in my city, but I'm not moving somewhere else for love. For someone that doesn't have any kids and at this point isn't even sure if he ever wants any its a lot to think about, and I'd rather not let myself be attached to someone that has a lot for fear of getting to the point I like them but not knowing what to do about the kids. Not being in a stable relationship with anyone in real life for more then 2 months with one person doesn't help me either.

I don't believe in the concept of soul mates, so I'm not gonna sit around and "wait" for that person that some people try to tell me is waiting for me to find her that doesn't exist. My intent of making this thread was wanting to know some other thoughts and opinions as to why you or other people also gave up in the game of romance.

I gave up on the concept of dating before I was even old enough to date. I was about 12 and I've had gender dysphoria since I was conceived. I've also faced many ignorant guys going through the school system from Grade kindergarten until I've graduated from college. I'm a FTM but without the operation or therapy because I can't afford it. I'd have to say that there are many factors that go into my decision to stop before I got started. If I did't have gender issues, I might have gone on a few dates by now.

when they realize there is no more love.

I took a break because it appeared every girl I date was looking for a "replacement" of some kind to their ex or current boyfriends, while the good ones actually had boundaries (also loyal and committed to their boyfriends) and were only going to be just friends. I had to suck it up and accept the friendships of people while ditching those looking for replacement boyfriends.

I sort of gave up on love a long while back, maybe 4 years ago.
That was around the time my last proper relationship ended, and it was me that screwed it up..big time.
To be fair, I realized I wasn't that much in love, anyway, and I began to question if that's something I'm capable of.

As for dating, it's not that I've given up on it but I'm really not that bothered. I go on maybe 1 or 2 a year I guess and it's not a major worry.

I'm not sure what "giving up" means in this context. I just proceed under the assumption that it won't happen. However, if I suddenly encountered the "right" woman and it actually worked, then my attitude wouldn't stop me.

I'm absolutely opposed to the cliché way of dating, that is, getting to know someone by eating out in a restaurant, and "delivering a performance" in order to "get her". So I have deliberately decided not to do that, rather than having given up on it.

Complete solitude makes me very unhappy, so I'm not one of them. But the opposite of solitude is not "having a girlfriend". I know many people who are single and don't seem too unhappy about it, because they have a good social life and they can have fun with people in other ways.

I'm actually beginning to doubt that I'm looking for a relationship. I have noticed that when I'm unhappy about being single, I'm actually unhappy about being lonely.

To get successful at dating, I'd have to improve my way of interacting with people. But once I've done that, my social life would be better, so my initial motivation for dating would have resolved itself.

Giving Up is Not an Option



My problem is When to tell someone that you are interested in that you are Autistic....

People should give up on dating for only two reasons (imo):

1. They're too poor to pick up the tab.

2. They're too sick to go anywhere.

You should only give up on dating if you are happy being single, are not feeling the need for a partner, and are achieving goals in life without the need for support validation and feedback from a significant other.

If this isn't the case and you just find the process difficult don't be ashamed to try online dating sites.
I met my wife this way, and we have been together as a couple for 9 years, married for 6.

The problem may not be dating, or the opposite sex (presuming you are straight), but the difficulty in finding a partner by traditional methods.
The definition of stupidity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results, so maybe you just need to change one of the variables.

The great thing about online dating is you can find out at least the basics of what someone is like (presuming they're honest) by looking at their profile, which is so much easier than playing 20 questions or try to woo them when you don't know what they are looking for.
It's certainly a lot better than being single because you don't know how to get a date, and plenty of women would rather meet a potential partner online than at a seedy bar, through friends, or at work.

I'd say about the same time they tell you they find you intriguing and different - they've already spotted it by then, so if they mention what they've noticed having a label for it is less likely to scare them off.

I gave up when I realized that I wasn't abnormal for not wanting to date. I prefer companionship over dating, mainly because dating is too formal and serious. Mainly I have a problem with the implicit expectation of persuading women to go out even if they don't want to, and the less implicit expectation of being married by a certain age. I've always been happy single, but its nice to have a companion. So I'm not sure if that counts as "giving up" on dating, but I'm not formally trying. And I hate texting because its hard to communicate with someone I care about that way.

Companionship is also what I like.
I totally understand this P.O.V.

Me, too. You articulated that really well, Mindslave.

I'm sure this has been over discussed in various threads here about online dating/sites, but the problem with those is that people actually have to take the time to READ your profile. 90 percent of people on those sites, if they don't like your picture/appearance, they won't bother with scrolling down past your picture on your page and reading your profile or even reading a message sent to them. 9 out of 10 girls I message on a dating site won't message me back and I'm willing to bet atleast over half of them probably didn't even read the message I took them time to type out with something in accordance to their "about me" so they knew I actually looked at their profile and wasn't just messaging them because I thought they were "hot" or something. Again, maybe I live in a bad city, but I find online dating sites to be an absolute worthless tool when it comes to dating.

I wouldn't say there is a time to give up on dating, unfortunately, the human heart DOES have a need for inter-personal, duo-based love eventually....even for aspies, wanting inter-personal love ( a BF/GF relationship ( or BF/BF, GF/GF for gays) ) is not something we can control. I've tried many of times to bury love in my heart, and trust me it NEVER ends well for me, because honestly i'm a compassionate and caring person, and for me to try to still be caring, yet cold-hearted at the same time destroys the stability of my mind and makes me more prone to depression and suicidal thoughts.

Sorry for the mono-logue there, but it seemed relevant at the time of my posting, if it isn't please forgive my ignorance. I guess i'm trying to say to not give up on dating, but maybe start loving yourself a whole bunch more, just be careful you don't become conceited. I hope that helps.

in a way,I am lucky.had a girlfriend,had sex,so I could just retire from dating.
I never wanted to have tons of sex partner or girlfriends.
but hitting on and talking to the ladies is something I enjoy.