Relationship Counselling

Post Reply New Topic

My partner and I (we are both Aspies) have been together for almost 2 years and we've been through a LOT since we've been together, we've gotten through most of it and came out stronger at the other end but something has happened recently and I'm fearful that we're going to have a much tougher time than we normally do getting through this latest situation.

It all started when we allowed our former housemate/friend to move in with us the second time, this time he stayed a bit longer and it was just as bad as it was the first time he moved in with us, the first time this guy and his ex girlfriend stopped seeing one another and they both dragged us into their crap and even tried to cause problems for us by making up stories that my partner's mother dislikes me and the ex girlfriend supposedly mentioned this to the guy as well as spreading rumours and making up s**t about other people to, upon being told that my partner's mother dislikes me this guy was told that it would be best he moved out and he did without any further problems but not before changing his phone number to stop his ex partner from contacting him but because he couldn't get a phone in his name on contract my partner kindly (and stupidly) offers to put the phone under his name and the guy was to pay him the money for the phone...so far my partner has only received $150 out of the $2295 that is owing.

The second time this guy moved back...all because my partner felt sorry for him he was back with his ex girlfriend and one day I mentioned that I still wasn't happy about what she did last time he stayed with us in terms of attempting to create problems between my partner, his mother and I and this guy changed his story and blamed another Aspie guy for spreading the rumour so I tuned into my social awareness and worked out that it was probably this guy along with his ex girlfriend who made the whole thing and that it was an attempt to start trouble and break up....mind you others including a professional counsellor my partner and his ex were seeing took her best shot at causing problems in order to break us up as did some so-called friends of mine.

Overall this guy was incredibly negative, judgmental and nasty in the way he spoke about and spoke to other people and that was the main reason we wanted him out the second time..

Anyway my partner and I are discussing seeing an AS friendly counsellor (obviously not the one he and his ex were seeing) and we're going to discuss how this situation has affected us (it has affected us more than we first realized) among other social issues we have..

S

That seems like a very mature and rational way to handle the issue. Good for (both of) you! I hope it all works out and the counsellor helps.
My friend tried relationship counselling, but it didn't work. The husband (who was primarily the problem haha) wouldn't listen to anything that was being said and he (being a compuslive liar) managed to convince the counsellor that he absolutely was not cheating so then my friend had to listen to the counsellor say ''i don't think he's cheating'' and of course feeling like the bad guy. They broke up anyway and it turns out he was cheating. At least she doesn't feel like she didn't make a really good effort at saving her marriage though.

Wow!!

I hope your friend went back to the counsellor and let her/him know that their professional treatment didn't work and that the husband was in fact cheating, then again the counsellor would absolve him/herself of any responsibility as they sometimes do and probably twist and turn it by saying something like "You're better off without him then" rather than owning up to his/her mistake and apologizing...Yes I agree that your friend made a decent effort to fix her marriage.

Anyway the counsellor we're looking at seeing is also an high functioning Aspie which I think might be better than an NT counsellor who probably wouldn't understand everything we're going through and seeing an NT counsellor like the one my partner and his ex were seeing didn't work out for them firstly he didn't even want to go but felt he was pressured by his mother to go, secondly he secretly wanted out of the relationship 6 months before it finally come to an end, thirdly he thought it was a waste of time and money as he felt that the ex was trying to repair something that was beyond repair and lastly he felt like the counsellor and everyone else was on her side the whole time.

Although he has reservations about seeing another counsellor which probably stems from all the problems he had last time he is at least asking me questions about how much it will cost, how we're going to get there, what we're going to talk about etc...so there is some interest on his part and we do plan to keep our families out of this...

S

I am lost!

I have not heard of phones costing $2295. So it sounds like your partner signed up for a contract that also included phone service, such as a yearly contract. This is a large debt for your friend to owe and it doesn't seem like he is trying to repay it.

In answer to your overall question. Marriages take work to be successful. I would recommend a Marriage Encounter. This is generally held in a hotel over one weekend. There are many seminars for guidance. Husbands and wives stay in separate rooms and communicate only in writing. Many times it is like writing love letters to each other. It used the written form of communications. Many Aspies are better with writing than verbal communications. So it plays into an Aspie's strength. They are held all over the world. Here is a link to the organization in Australia. Worldwide Marriage Encounter Australia (WWME)