Positive ways to reaquaint with women

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My last thread derailed so I wanted to start one with a simpler pretext.

My job & my interests seem to seriously isolate me from the women in my life. If it weren't for the uncertain shyness that comes with stigma around my profession & focus on geeky things, more of them would know about my openness towards love or my intentions to be more relatable.

Obviously I have to give this time. I have to make some space for us to talk through the misconceptions of ASD issues as well as their own troubles.

How about to make this thread more practicable?
As a start, you can post photos of yourself to see whether you look too geeky or not.

He looks sort of like a modern-day hippie. But he would be attractive to quite a few women. In my 20s, I wasn't even close to him in terms of looks.

The way to connect, at first.....is to not get too abstract with people. Save the philosophy for later.

I'm not exactly photogenic.


I'm thinking of getting somewhat different glasses.

I'm afraid I have to keep repeating this step until I finally come up with better ways to articulate my philosophical brain. Any ideas about good times to finally get back into a real conversation? This makes sense, however undefined.

It's a question of personal taste. For me the glasses shouldn't dominate the face to much. For this a bit smaller glasses would be a better choice. For me is a general rule that each eye should be about in the middle of it's glass. Your glasses are a bit to wide to fit this.
Once it comes to dressing - a comfortable shirt instead of the pullover (comfortable, not tight and not business like or with a tie like clerks, waiters or penguins) would be a better choice and would make really a difference on the photo. Just my opinion.

To be clear, I'm trying to focus on people more than anything superficial. I feel like this is more a matter of what I can say & do to make positive changes rather than stuff I should buy.

Should I buy cool stuff? Sure but there is no substitute for being thoughtful. I'm trying to make room in my life for women. Right now I'm not even sure they see me as a person though.

I honestly have no clue what public opinion is about guys with ASD right now. I'm guessing extremely bad.

Talk about your athletic pursuits.

What stops you from talking about them?

Why the hell do I never come up with these things?! You are quite right. In retrospect, nothing but a mountain of shyness stopped me before.

I'm not exactly sure how to introduce that topic though. Usually I don't have that on my mind since I work too much. I guess working out is pretty common small talk.

There are people who have difficulty transitioning from the Concrete to the Abstract----even though they are capable of the Abstract. They just don't want to get into the Abstract right away.

Talking about your athletic pursuits is an excellent way to "transition." That way, you can establish a rapport with a person.

If you go into philosophy too quickly, people tend to get turned off. That's been my experience.

It's not "bragging" to talk about snowboarding and stuff like that.

People and especially women treat you the way the the first impression of you tells them. Being thoughtful is nothing that counts at first impression. But most NTs and especially women are into social state and they care a lot about clothes because of this. Just wearing a shirt instead of a pullover already makes a difference. I had to learn this too.

Are you saying that the first time women EVER met me informs everything or are you saying that seeing different aspects of me is a turn on? I seriously hope it's the latter because I've only gotten any less nerdy over time. I think I have more faith in people than to unilaterally believe they've decided I'm a loser from day 1. I don't see anyone that way.

I guess I'll buy some better shirts too. I suppose being more like ZZ top can't hurt, my hair just passed my shoulders so you've inclined me to worry about that slightly less. ~~ Ultimately I really miss most of my female friends & I usually have no idea when I'll see people again. I'm trying to be more open about gratitude.

Last edited by cberg on 12 Mar 2019, 7:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I would bet, in CBerg's neck of the woods, that women really don't give too much of a crap about what a man wears.

Probably a ZZ Top tee-shirt and jeans would be quite acceptable in that milieu.

Well I'm not going out of my way to spend money on clothes but in general I can do better than that, unless I'm going to the BMX park or skiing in which case forget it.

Autistic sidenote: I can't stand jeans. They feel like cardboard pants & I tend to think I look weird in light colors. I just ordered 5 more pairs of cargo pants.

Cargo pants are pretty cool, too.

But I'm too chubby to wear them myself...

I'm extremely thin, which I suppose I should do more about. It's mostly just the way I am though.

I should get some sharper hoodies considering how much I like wearing them. I like practical clothes although I don't know much about clothes.