How Much Information Do You Tell Your Partner?

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

Kitty4670
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,703
Location: California,USA

10 Mar 2019, 12:22 am

In a new relationship, how much information from your past do you have to tell your partner? I know my boyfriend for a little over two months.



Piobaire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,347
Location: Smackass Gap, NC

10 Mar 2019, 6:36 am

Who my mate might have been in the past is nowhere near as interesting and relevant to me as who they have become; who they are in this present moment. How much information about your past that you have to disclose largely depends upon how authentic and transparent you want your relationship to be. Healthy relationships are based upon a foundation of two things; one, scrupulous honesty; without honesty, how can we ever trust one another? The other is respect; respect for one another's boundaries, and that includes not pushing each other where they don't want to go; particularly past hurts and failures. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we are; all of who we are; will you ever feel truly secure in your relationship keeping secrets, or will you always feel insecure; always fearing rejection if they only knew? This is a double-edged sword, too; be very careful of asking questions of your partner which you really don't want to know the answer to. I'm willing to answer any question my mate might pose, but I don't feel compelled to use our relationship like the confessional either.
We both try our best to nurture each other and encourage each other the be the best humans we can be. Life is short; we're honest and open with one another, but we simply haven't the time to waste digging around for skeletons in each other's closets.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,731
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

10 Mar 2019, 10:08 am

I disclosed alot in all 3 of my relationships but I had met them on online forums & I had posted a lot about my past on there. They also disclosed a lot to me early on so I didn't feel too bad disclosing stuff to them. We had also got very serious pretty fast so that's probably another reason why we both felt like disclosing.
I'm NOT saying you should or shouldn't disclose a lot Kitty. I think the big factors for me would be how much your guy discloses & how serious in your realtionship you guys are.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Kitty4670
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,703
Location: California,USA

21 Mar 2019, 4:33 pm

Piobaire wrote:
Who my mate might have been in the past is nowhere near as interesting and relevant to me as who they have become; who they are in this present moment. How much information about your past that you have to disclose largely depends upon how authentic and transparent you want your relationship to be. Healthy relationships are based upon a foundation of two things; one, scrupulous honesty; without honesty, how can we ever trust one another? The other is respect; respect for one another's boundaries, and that includes not pushing each other where they don't want to go; particularly past hurts and failures. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we are; all of who we are; will you ever feel truly secure in your relationship keeping secrets, or will you always feel insecure; always fearing rejection if they only knew? This is a double-edged sword, too; be very careful of asking questions of your partner which you really don't want to know the answer to. I'm willing to answer any question my mate might pose, but I don't feel compelled to use our relationship like the confessional either.
We both try our best to nurture each other and encourage each other the be the best humans we can be. Life is short; we're honest and open with one another, but we simply haven't the time to waste digging around for skeletons in each other's closets.


You say not to push in relationship, my boyfriend pushing me to know about that guy that hurt me badly.



Kitty4670
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,703
Location: California,USA

21 Mar 2019, 5:34 pm

How I suppose to know what do tell my boyfriend? Do you have to talk about someone that passed? He had a sibling that passed away, I never asked him about it. I know I should tell him about my elbow & I broke it 3 times. I guess I need to tell him about my scar too.



BeaArthur
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Aug 2015
Posts: 5,798

21 Mar 2019, 6:41 pm

There's no clear-cut answer to this question. Share a little bit of information and see how it goes. If he pushes, and you don't feel comfortable sharing more right away, just say you will do so in time but that it's very uncomfortable to talk about right now.


_________________
A finger in every pie.