Had a huge fight with my girl!

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I just had a huge fight with my girl.

When we’re together she spends more time on her phone than with me. I asked her nicely to put her phone away when we’re together she doesn’t listen. I asked her to text good morning and goodnight everyday, she doesn’t do it. Instead she only contacts me in the afternoon, which I make short because I’m doing my studying for uni. Another thing when a problem arises she says it’s always my fault. She still talks to other guys and I told her at the beginning of the relationship not to do that. I’m so fed up with it, that I just don’t care if she cheats on me. We get into arguments some of the time, they bother me because I hate arguing. I just can’t understand her.

The other night I went to her place and I saw her on the phone. That caused me to go in rage towards her, we fought over all of the after mentioned things. I left early, she blocked me on her phone and social media. I feel like I really messed up last night. I’m heartbroken, angry, and upset. I cried for a good four hours last night, and feel a little better today. If she blocks me again I’m ending this relationship. Her blocking me, her BF is something you just do not do. It just really got to me.

We’ve been BF/GF for a little over three months now, this relationship has been going all right. Just a few rough patches. We’re still together, but last night was the worst night for us. We can and we will work things out.

Well. You set your boundaries and laid out your expectations to her and she doesn't want to oblige. Nothing wrong with stating that. Doesn't seem like she wants something serious though and you may have taken this relationship more seriously at this point

If I were in your shoes, I would take this in stride and count her blocking you (if this is the first time it has happened) as the end and move on. Let her come to you and keep lines open if you want.

I wrote a post and lost service. You don’t get to TELL anyone what to do. You ask. And you try to compromise if they don’t agree with you. You don’t own them.

If she blocked you, the relationship is already over. Leave her alone.

It sounds like she thought you were too controlling.

A person has to have confidence enough to allow a lover to talk to other people....including those of the gender which the person makes love with.

I agree with Anne’s statement.

If she wants to unblock you, she will. But if she continues to block you, then it’s over.

Hopefully, you can start being less controlling and be more of a friend to her.

Being controlling and possessing (this applies to all genders) leads to lots of trouble.

Controlling, jealousy, and possessive behavior tend to have destructive and even dangerous outcomes. He should show her more respect and afford her more trust unless she proves unworthy of his trust.

I also sense that the woman was scared of you because you got too intense about it.

I might go into a rage, say, if she stole $1,000 from me.

Not for her playing on the phone.

Sounds like you and her were on different ideas about the relationship. She could've thought it was casual and not serious where as you thought it was serious. I HATE when people are on the phone when I visit them, it's annoying and to me rude but I know people do it so I just try my best to ignore it. I think raging over her being on the phone was extreme and to me that sounds like a big incompatibility issue so I would just let her go.

Her behavior seems rude.She doesn't have to.Good for you! Scholastics should be your first priority.Her behavior seems prideful.She is free to speak to whomever she wants.It isn't cheating as long as the both of you reamain single.Women are not meant to be understood -- they're meant to be loved.Obviously, she has friends. Just as obvious, you have no reason to be angry with her if she speaks to them, on the phone or in person.Good for her!You did. You really did.Hews Flash: It's over. Walk away and don't look back.No, you won't.

You seem to want a "girlfriend" who has no other social contacts than you. That's not a relationship -- not a loving one, anyway. You will both be better off alone -- she can have her friends, and you can have your books.

Seems like a fair trade to me.

Fnord pretty much covered most of what I’d say.

I’m gonna be real with you. You can’t handle having a gf and that’s all there is to it.

If she wants to play on her phone, she can do that. If she wants to see other men, she can do that. If she wants to cheat on you, she can do that. If she tolerates her friends trashing you behind your back, she can do that. If another man flirts with her and teases her, there’s nothing you can do. That’s just the way it is. And where you are in the relationship, it’s risky for a woman to put all her trust in a bf and not have a man waiting on the sideline. Finally, if you’re IAR, it’s because you love and accept her as she is. If you’re trying to correct habits you don’t like, you’re trying to change her into a different woman than the one you met.

You don’t love her. You love what you think you can turn her into. That’s not how it works.

I believe you reach a point where neither of you want to be with anyone else. You’re rock-solid. The risk you might be alone if she leaves you is worth it because you’re confident she won’t. You CAN be possessive because he WANTS to be with you and nobody else. You don’t feel insecure when he talks to other women because he NEVER talks to other women.

I think that possessiveness and jealousy have a place in a relationship. You naturally want to feel valued, that your gf won’t entertain the thought of being with anyone else. There’s nothing wrong with objectification. We are all objects. But we want to be a priceless treasure to someone, not a tool or toy for someone else’s gratification. You don’t destroy what you treasure. Tools and toys can be broken and discarded. Demanding that someone live for you, and living your life for someone else makes you trash, not treasure. And if you want to be someone’s treasure, start acting like it. Stop abusing women!

If she values you, she won’t seek company with other men or play on her phone. Let me tell you how to play this. If she doesn’t text you back when you think she should, text this: Hey baby. I love you. I think you’re a very sweet person, and I’ve had such a wonderful time the last few weeks. But it looks like maybe you’re too busy for a relationship right now, you’ve got a lot going on. I totally understand. We can dial things way down and it’s cool! TTYL. <3

Aaaaaand you’re done. She’ll very likely freak out and try to patch things up, but this is a breakup. You’re not getting back together. And she’s gonna be left wondering what she did that was wrong when the whole time she was planning on leaving you anyway. Drives women NUTS when men do that. But doing that is a heckuva lot better than what you’re doing.

Cut the girl loose, man. It’s over. Take some notes and don’t repeat any of this with your next gf. You can do better. You WILL do better.

I'm not convinced we are witnessing a controlling guy with unreasonable "demands". Nobody seems to have noticed that he claimed she always thinks everything is his fault. I don't think it's unreasonable to desire that a gf sends regular messages. He shouldn't require it, but it's not controlling to desire it. It should be something they could have civil discussion about.

Rdos: he’s harrassing her. That’s all we need to know. And if she’s doing something that distresses him, like blame-shifting as it seems, he doesn’t want to be with her anyway.

Stick a fork in it; it’s done.

Seems you have incompatibile needs.
Three months into a relationship is quite a typical time to discover such things. This is why you don't get married on first sight

It’s over, man. Let her go.

Agreed. If a couple cannot agree on how they keep in touch they certainly have incompatible needs.

It's hard but I personally could NEVER see that kind of treatment as respect and or affection. That's ridiculous and it's NOT a relationship. It's not even a friendship. Get away from this person and just focus on your schooling. Those four hours of tears could've been put to good use. The thing that defines a relationship is how you are treated. It's not about the BF/GF thing. It looks good on paper but treatment is what defines a relationship. I'll give an example. I have a father. The whole world knows he is my father. There has never been a day where he "ACTED" like a father is supposed to. When other people talk about their fathers with such affection and remembrances of the wonderful lives they had growing up in their father's house, I want to puke. I'm happy for them but my live was really different than that. For almost 40 years of my life, I thought that all Dads were like mine, so that made him blameless. He was horrible. Yet, I still introduce him as my "Father". Do you understand? It's not about "title", it's about how a person treats you. It's like saying, "I own a car, there it is in my garage". But does the car you own actually "run". Is it safe to drive? Is it able to take you places or does it stall half way there? If you took it to a mechanic, and he couldn't fix it and it continued to stall making you miss work, would you still consider it a "car"? If you're missing work, you'd better get another car. I truly understand but you have to face reality. This person is not your girlfriend. This person is an opposite sexed acquaintance - and not even a cheerful one. If she were to say she was your girlfriend, does she act like one? Remember, my father will always claim to be my father. As far as I'm concerned, he's nobody to me. I never tell him this because I fear him. I just avoid him as much as possible for own safety and sanity. We, as aspies, want all those things that come easily to NT's but we have to know the difference. You could put any cover on a book and you won't know what the book is really about until you sit down, and carefully read its content. That person that you call your girlfriend is like a book that doesn't want to be read. You try to open it and you'd swear it was glued shut. You have to face it. By staying with such a person, you encumber yourself and you encumber them. Let her go. Do your schoolwork and be patient. Someday, you will find a person who treats you well.

Last bumped by DevilMayAsian on 19 Apr 2019, 7:43 am.