Get to know people before asking them out or no?

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Antrax
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10 Apr 2019, 7:31 pm

Obviously this doesn't apply to dating app/blind date approaches, but say you're meeting people in the real world first. Is it advantageous to "get to know someone" before asking them out, or asking them out within the first few instances of meeting them?


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kraftiekortie
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10 Apr 2019, 7:53 pm

If you two are able to speak steadily for over an hour, I would ask her out at least for coffee.



Antrax
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10 Apr 2019, 8:13 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
If you two are able to speak steadily for over an hour, I would ask her out at least for coffee.


And the equivalent to a "coffee date" if one does not drink coffee is?


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kraftiekortie
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10 Apr 2019, 8:15 pm

I don't drink coffee, either.

Maybe a "diner" date?

or a "Starbucks" date?

The "date" would be in an informal place with no pressure on either of you.

I always think that going to the movies is always a good date.



enz
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10 Apr 2019, 8:26 pm

Hmmm every joe is taking girls on expensive dinner dates. Id say do stuff with her but dont call it a date

a date means youve spent a significant amount of money on her if you dont hit it off. Thats alot of pressure



kraftiekortie
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10 Apr 2019, 8:33 pm

It doesn't have to be expensive.

The movie would be maybe $20-25. Then you can go to a diner, and maybe spend another $30 or so.



enz
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10 Apr 2019, 8:36 pm

But why do something so cliche?



kraftiekortie
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10 Apr 2019, 8:41 pm

It's always better to be a little "conventional" on a first date.



swordrat32
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10 Apr 2019, 8:53 pm

Antrax wrote:
And the equivalent to a "coffee date" if one does not drink coffee is?


Frozen yogurt/ice cream, tea, bubble tea? Anything where you have time to talk while consuming some pleasant food or drink, but since it's not a whole meal it's lower pressure.

And to your original question I don't think there's a right answer for every set of people or situation.



enz
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10 Apr 2019, 9:02 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It's always better to be a little "conventional" on a first date.


Sure if you want to be chivilrous be chivilrous. I think men and women are inherently equal and men dont need to jump through hoops to win her over as this kills attraction



kraftiekortie
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10 Apr 2019, 10:43 pm

I like seeing movies. I like going out to dinner.

I like being chivalrous,



Antrax
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10 Apr 2019, 10:55 pm

enz wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
It's always better to be a little "conventional" on a first date.


Sure if you want to be chivilrous be chivilrous. I think men and women are inherently equal and men dont need to jump through hoops to win her over as this kills attraction


And yet no girl has ever asked me out. According to some I have had girls "be into me," but me being utterly oblivious to their "hints" did not pick up on this at all. I conclude therefore initiating a relationship requires action on my part.


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enz
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10 Apr 2019, 11:17 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I like seeing movies. I like going out to dinner.

I like being chivalrous,


I fully respect that



AngelRho
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11 Apr 2019, 5:28 am

enz wrote:
But why do something so cliche?

Because it’s effective.



The Grand Inquisitor
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11 Apr 2019, 6:26 am

Personally I would only ask someone out if I have some sort of reason to think that they might accept, so unless they're constantly staring at you or something, it would generally be best to at least establish some kind of rapport with them and at least have made their acquaintance before asking them out. You dont need to get to know someone well before asking them out but doing so might give you some insight into what their answer might be



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Apr 2019, 10:03 am

It depends mostly on how you look.

If you are a dropdead gorgeous olympic god sort of guy then yeah... asking her on the few first few instances, and even on first time may work.

As for the regular mortals that won’t work, you need some sort of bonding first.