"Just be friendly."

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28 May 2019, 5:49 pm

I was talking to my therapist about how whenever I interact with female strangers, my mind will cycle through thoughts like "Should I ask for her number?", "Does she already have a boyfriend?", "Has my time finally come?", "Does she even find me attractive?", and other thoughts that honestly make me crazy. Her response was basically this: "Just be friendly with women. Don't have any ulterior motives. You don't want to come off like a predator. You need to get to know them first."

Last edited by Marknis on 28 May 2019, 5:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

blackicmenace
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28 May 2019, 5:52 pm

Sounds like she gave you sound advice, you should take it.

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Fnord
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28 May 2019, 5:56 pm

blackicmenace wrote:

Sounds like she gave you sound advice, you should take it.

Perfectly sound advice, because (1) she’s a professional therapist, and (2) she’s a woman. Either count makes her knowledgeable. Both counts make her an expert.

SaveFerris
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28 May 2019, 5:57 pm

Are you sure your therapist said " You don't want them to come off like a predator" - that's crazy talk

It's best not to come across desperate but the thoughts you have does not make you a predator - tell your therapist Ferris said she's a quack.

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TwilightPrincess
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28 May 2019, 5:59 pm

If it seems like your mind is elsewhere when you’re talking to a girl instead of on the current conversation, it could send some mixed signals and she won’t know how to take you.

The advice is sound.

Zack1994
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28 May 2019, 6:00 pm

Look you should take all this pick up artist and dating coach advice with a grain of salt Marknis.

Last edited by Zack1994 on 28 May 2019, 6:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TwilightPrincess
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28 May 2019, 6:00 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Since his therapist sees him in person, she might be more knowledgeable about how he comes across than we are.

blackicmenace
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28 May 2019, 6:00 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Are you sure your therapist said " You don't want to come off like a predator" - that's crazy talk

It's best not to come across desperate but the thoughts you have does not make you a predator - tell your therapist Ferris said she's a quack.

"You don't want to come off like a predator" Fixed.

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Marknis
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28 May 2019, 6:02 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

I meant to say that she told me "You don't want to come off like a predator to them."

SaveFerris
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28 May 2019, 6:03 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

Since his therapist sees him in person, she might be more knowledgeable about how he comes across than we are.

Why the f**k did you comment then ?

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SaveFerris
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28 May 2019, 6:04 pm

Marknis wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

I meant to say that she told me "You don't want to come off like a predator to them."

No you don't , why did she suggest this , did she say your behaviour suggested this ?

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TwilightPrincess
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28 May 2019, 6:08 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Twilightprincess wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

Since his therapist sees him in person, she might be more knowledgeable about how he comes across than we are.

Why the f**k did you comment then ?

Umm...that was rude.

I was just sharing my personal experience of how it feels when I’m talking to someone and his mind appears to be elsewhere. I wasn’t referring to the “predator” comment.

I’m not sure why we would question the potentially helpful advice she was offering. This could be a path towards progress for Marknis.

SaveFerris
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28 May 2019, 6:10 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

Twilightprincess wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

Since his therapist sees him in person, she might be more knowledgeable about how he comes across than we are.

Why the f**k did you comment then ?

Well I was referring to the predator comment , If you think "Should I ask for her number?", "Does she already have a boyfriend?", "Has my time finally come?", "Does she even find me attractive?", are predator thoughts you're mental

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Marknis
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28 May 2019, 6:12 pm

Twilightprincess wrote:

I didn't date in high school and I turned 18 single while most of my classmates were dating, having sex, etc. so it terrified me that I was going to be alone forever. This was also the root of the clinical depression I suffer from. I was socially isolated, didn't have my own vehicle, and lived in the suburbs so those things only reinforced my fears.

When I reached my 20's and couldn't even get a coffee date despite "putting myself out there" instead of waiting for women to approach me like I used to do and hope it would happen, I started feeling like my time was running out.

I am 30 now and I don't want to live to my 40's if things do not get better

enz
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28 May 2019, 6:12 pm

If you meet a girl keep it casual and ask her to do stuff a few times before asking her out

Marknis
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28 May 2019, 6:16 pm

SaveFerris wrote:

Marknis wrote:

SaveFerris wrote:

I meant to say that she told me "You don't want to come off like a predator to them."

No you don't , why did she suggest this , did she say your behaviour suggested this ?

I mentioned to her how I tend to get approached by proselytizing Christians to join their churches and it's very invasive when they do that. She compared that to asking girls for their numbers without getting to know them first.

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