Do you find the opposite sex quite distant

Page 1 of 7 [ 104 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 7  Next

hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,747
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

12 Jun 2019, 4:45 pm

Wasn't quite sure how to phrase the question. I feel like I try to get to know guys and they're always just out of reach, always holding something back, never willing to put too much out there.

Not sure if men find women to be like this too.

Don't know if this happens in same sex dating too.

Is it just British people being reserved? Do other cultures have this issue? Is it a 21st century issue?

Thoughts?



bluegreenleaves
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 9 Apr 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 35
Location: the sea

12 Jun 2019, 4:51 pm

I've always felt like this too!

I thought it was something about me... I still don't quite know why I experience men in that way. When I was younger I didnt have any male friends for years until my therapist helped me understand! :lol:



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

12 Jun 2019, 5:20 pm

Usually yes


_________________
There is no place for me in the world. I'm going into the wilderness, probably to die


IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 72,422
Location: Chez Quis

12 Jun 2019, 5:33 pm

I find women more distant or inaccessible than men, but that's because I was primarily socialised by my dad, my grandfather and my brother. Even now I spend a lot of time with my nephew and his male friends. My best friends are men, too. While growing up I always felt estranged from the other girls, likely because of the NT/ ND divide, but I wasn't assessed and didn't know any other way to interpret my "otherness".


_________________
I never give you my number, I only give you my situation.
Beatles


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,790
Location: .

12 Jun 2019, 5:35 pm

It depends what you mean and who you ask. I tend to be very over cautions. Ok, online I may use my humour. Online is slightly different. I am more forward online but I am still reserved. For example, if I wanted to ask a lady out, I would most likely not do it and wait for her to ask me out because I am nurvous to do this, and the few times I have tried asking in the past it has not gone well at all, so I learnt to not ask. (Some ladies can be very cruel here in Wales and the UK hence why I learnt it is best not to ask).
The problem I get is that being a man,, I don't understand hints. So this and not asking a girl out makes things more difficult.

The other issue for me these days is that it is so hard for me to date a lady as if it doesn't work, I don't want her to be sad, as I can love too deeply and am very sensitive.



TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 29,695
Location: Hell

12 Jun 2019, 7:07 pm

I tend to find both sexes equally distant, I think.

I’m usually more comfortable around women. I find friendships with guys puzzling because of the possibility of either person developing feelings for the other.

I’m really close to my brother. It’s hard for me to feel comfortable with people who aren’t family.



SaveFerris
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,762
Location: UK

12 Jun 2019, 7:16 pm

I'm the distant one


_________________
R Tape loading error, 0:1

Hypocrisy is the greatest luxury. Raise the double standard


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,790
Location: .

12 Jun 2019, 7:38 pm

The problem is to some of us men is that women are the most opposite sex there is... I mean... Men and women are different. So those of us who are men who have had brothers or women who have had sisters.... In other words don't come into close contact with the opposite sex while growing up (My dad said when I was a teenager, not to mess about with girls... so generally I stayed right away from them as I had the wrong take on what he meant. It wasn't that I didn't talk to them, but it was more I tried not to get too close as I had the total wrong idea.... And when I was about 18 it came as an absolute shock to me when my parents anounced that I was to have a second brother, as I suddenly realized that my parents had had sex. I was discusted with them at first until my mum said "How do you think you were born then?" or something like that... It just had never occurred to me the connection between sex and children despite being above average intelligence and having sex lessons in science in school at the age of 13... Which to be honest I didn't have a clue. Yes, my sexual organs were highly responsive and difficult to control when I saw a pretty girl... but I didn't know anything about sex!
It is funny looking back as I had sheltered myself a lot as I lived inside my own thoughts. I was a shy quiet person who rarely spoke unless I had to. I isolated myself to the goings on in life somehow. I never forget in school one of the more forward boys asking me if I masterbate and I disn't know what it meant and said "I have never been fishing" as I assumed the "Bait" part of the word had something to do with fishing. Then when asked if I knew about the birds and the bees... Well, I literally thought "Of corse I do. Birds fly through the air and bees buzz around... I looked at them daft for thinking I didn't know!"



cberg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

12 Jun 2019, 7:47 pm

I find everyone inaccessible. 8O


_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,689
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

12 Jun 2019, 7:54 pm

I got along well with some women but some of them thought I was gay :( I was good friends with some women but none of them were interested in anything more than friendship with me except for my 1st girlfriend but that was an online thing. There's also plenty of women who wanted nothing to do with me.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,790
Location: .

12 Jun 2019, 8:01 pm

I do like chatting to women as it is easier somehow. Easier to open up.
Going back to what Hurtloam said...
It maybe that it is a good idea to ask directly. That way you will not be guessing.



that1weirdgrrrl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,090
Location: Between my dreams and your fantasies

12 Jun 2019, 8:41 pm

How do you express your interest in men?

I have developed a really touchy feely persona over time, and donning said persona has finally gotten me more of the results that I was looking for.


_________________
...what do the public, the great unobservant public, who could hardly tell a weaver by his tooth or a compositor by his left thumb, care about the finer shades of analysis and deduction!


TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 29,695
Location: Hell

12 Jun 2019, 9:05 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
How do you express your interest in men?

I have developed a really touchy feely persona over time, and donning said persona has finally gotten me more of the results that I was looking for.


Sometimes being touchy and feely can make someone think you’re more interested in sex than in a romantic relationship, but if it’s working for you, who am I to knock it?

It’s hard for me to be the first person to express interest. In the past, a guy friend and I would just talk a lot until a relationship evolved organically from that or until he decided to make a move. I’m really shy, so it’s hard for me to be as forward as I’d like to be.



The Grand Inquisitor
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,765

12 Jun 2019, 9:17 pm

Im not sure exactly what you mean by inaccessible, but I've never had a girlfriend and I can count the amount of female friends I have on one hand, none of whom I am close with or keep regular contact with, so I'd imagine that you could say that women are inaccessible or elusive to me. Certainly true of women my own age.



Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,385

12 Jun 2019, 10:21 pm

I find people in general inaccessible. On the very rare occasions when this isn't true, though, I actually find it easier to make a connection with women.


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


Marknis
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jan 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,960
Location: The Vile Belt

12 Jun 2019, 11:53 pm

Women in my area I find difficult to interact with. The expectations for both sexes create a huge social divide and it's largely why I struggle to even make platonic friendships with women. Shopping at Macy's tends to be their ambition in life and that leads to conversation shut down for me.