Help! How to connect with boyfriend

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hi! I have a boyfriend whom declared he's in love with me. we started talking (online) and clicked immediately. it's been about 3 months. the thing is I'm falling for him but I cannot bring myself to hold eye contact and connect with him deeper. when we were laying down in the dark it was easier for me but hanging out I cannot just be looking at him holding a conversation being myself because I feel too uncomfortable. I don't want to though because I 100 percent feel like I can be myself with him but it's notworking any advice?

Does he express concern that you don't make eye contact?

If so, just try to explain that it's nothing personal, it's just uncomfortable for you.

Best of luck

Some of the research that I have seen lately suggest that when individuals share eye contact, their bodies release oxytocin which is a hormone that provides a bonding between two people. These are elements of love and romance. So I would recommend that you practice this trait when you kiss your boyfriend.

When I was in college, I had a girl who took pity on me and showed me how to kiss. She was from South America and the girls there are much more adept in that area. She explained to me all the different types of kissing such as the simple kiss, the French kiss, the truly romantic kiss, the kiss where you lock your jaws and teeth together, the kiss that leaves a mark (Hickey Kiss) and we practiced each technique.

But the most important kiss of all was the truly romantic kiss. The secret is that it is all done with the eyes. First you need to be alone and remain perfectly quiet. You need to look deep within their eyes until you can see the shadow of their soul, then you slowly move your faces together without breaking eye contact. And then kiss the girl on her lips. She demonstrated the technique and I could see her point. I would have never known, not in a million years.

I don't think you need to make eye contact all of the time.

I think the answer is simple:

1. Explain that eye contact is hard, and let him know that he doesn't need to worry if you don't/cant make it all of the time. The biggest problem is that people assume a lack of eye contact means you are hiding something, so if he can understand that this is not the case it doesn't have to be a big deal.

2. Practice making eye contact for a short amount of time. I bet you can work your way up to be able to make and hold eye contact for 5 seconds while you say something heart felt. I don't know if you're at the 'I love you' phase, but that would be a good example of something to say while you make eye contact.

Once you don't like his eyes or don't like to look into his eyes you should ask yourself whether he is really the one you want to be with. To look in somebodies eyes tells whether you can trust him and it causes an emotional connection. There exists mostly a trust issue or kind of disliking if you are unable to do so.
But all people are different of course ...

No. That is not true at all. It's nothing to do with trust issues. I've known aspies who have been in happy relationships for years while barely looking into each others' eyes.

Many autistic people have problems with eye contact, for one reason or another. For example, I can't do normal eye contact due to difficulty multi-tasking between eye contact and the content of a conversation. Depending on the reasons for your problems with eye contact, it might not be something you can fix, and an attempt to fix it might even drive you and him apart rather than bring you together.

If it's easier for you to connect with him while lying down in the dark, then spend more time lying down with him in the dark. If he is willing to accept you for who you are, then you can connect with him in other ways besides the standard NT way.

thank you all SO much for the replies

Me & my current girlfriend never make eye contact. I think part of the reason it's OK is cuz she's on the spectrum too. I kinda wonder if an NT woman would have a problem with me not making eye contact. Anyways I think if you explain that you don't like eye contact Sunnymoon, he might would understand or just accept that it's not your thing. As for the lack of connecting thing, it can take time to develop a connection & us Aspies do sometimes have an easier time connecting in ways other than in person which it sounds like you & him connect better online. There's nothing wrong with that but it could take a bit of time especially with an Aspie/NT relationship for the people(maybe more so for the Aspie) to feel comfortable with each other offline. It would probably help if you explain to your guy that you really like him & want to be with him but it takes time for you to warm up to people in person. Some people base relationships on having an instant connection thing which is sometimes due to infatuation which can fade away after abit & their relationship falls apart. I never really searched for an instant connection. I care about things that sustain relationships & base them on that. Like is the person very trustworthy, reliable, loyal, sweet, understanding/accepting or at least tries to be. I believe the connection can develop over time & I could enjoy being with the person even if we don't have an excellent connection. Me & my current girlfriend don't talk a lot sometimes but we can still really love being with each other. We can still be very affectionate even when we're not really talking.