Unreasonable demands?

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My partner has AS and I’m NT, I’m struggling! He is the bread winner in our relationship but insists that I pay more than I can afford towards household bills, leaving in the red as soon as I’m paid. He works hard but from home on his own business but has plenty of spare time to do things he wants to, I understand he like his alone time. He seems to think because I pay less I should do ALL the house work, that’s fine I don’t like the fact I can’t pay half so I feel it’s my contribution. However, he leaves everything for me to pick up, yogurt pots, towels, clothes etc, he’s never so much as made me a cup of tea, it’s wearing me down especially when he works so much and doesn’t spend time with me other than at bed time. When we try to discuss it he gets very defensive (we are clearly on different pages, maybe even in different books) I love my partner, support him as much as I can and want us to work but how can I make him see that me just going to work all day then and coming home and cleaning is unfair, when he likens our arrangement to paying for a subscription and not receiving the full packaged? If I don’t do everything he says I maybe I should go back to my mums. Which I find hurtful when I do so much. He only focuses on what I don’t do.

Let’s make a pie char:
How many hours he works per day?

How many hours you work per day (job+housework) ?

Relationships shouldn't work like that.

I'm not going to create a pie chart----nor a prenuptual agreement.

I think the guy is being a petty twit----if you want to know my opinion. Why can't he pick up after himself? Why can't there be a situation where, sometimes, he does more; and, sometimes, you do more?

When a relationship gets to the "tit for tat" stage-----then it's sort of time to move on. But I know that would be difficult because of your financial situation.

Some of the traits of an Aspie are:
* shows a lack of empathy (difficulty understanding others’ feelings, difficulty communicating feelings)
* unaware of others’ thoughts, feelings, desires, intentions or perceptions resulting in inadvertently appearing rude or inconsiderate.

Another trait is that they communicate better in writing than verbally.

So I would recommend that you put down your feelings in written form, with an element similar to a love letter, and describe how you feel, that you feel you are being taken advantage off and that accommodations are needed if this relationship is to survive.

I hope that would work---the letter---but I sense that the guy is really overly confident in himself. He seems to know that she is dependent upon him. And he's milking it for all it's worth.

Which is not a good situation for the OP at all.

What sort of work do you do, OP?

A pie chart would not work. He works for himself so he thinks answering emails in bed is working so therefore he works harder than I do. I’m a dental Nurse. I can leave if necessary but I’d like to try and compromise but if no compromise is possible I will leave. He is very confident and repeatedly tells me he doesn’t need anyone people are a choice not a necessity. Just all feels a bit hopeless. Maybe I should just leave.

At this point kind of seems you may have to make an ultimatum. Like if he cannot work on some of those issues like spending too little time with you and expecting you to do all the chores without him even picking up after himself then you're considering leaving.

I mean why should you work all day, come home have to do all the chores and then he doesn't even socialize with you until bedtime, that would make anyone feel unappreciated. Just seems like you have tried to talk to him and he isn't receptive so maybe if you give an ultimatum and go stay with your mom for a while that would get the point across. That could also lead to breaking up, but if he won't compromise with you then perhaps that is how it needs to be.

Kimblesblue I think you should take him up on his suggestion to stay with your mom if that is an option & she isn't abusive or something. Your guy seems like he really doesn't care about you or your needs at all & would rather lose you than be inconvenienced by you. He seems like a selfish jerk & I fail to grasp how an Aspie guy like him can find a woman like you who does everything she can to make a realtionship work with him while there's plenty of single Aspie guys on this forum who would do most anything they can to get a girl & keep her. Could you explain what it was about your guy that made you fall in love with him

Thank you all for your responses. I have only recently found out he had AS, he apparently said he’d told me but I think I’d remember! I know it sounds ridiculous not to realise but I’ve never encountered anyone knowingly with AS but now I’ve done some research it’s like I’ve put glasses on. Most of the time we get along fine and share lots of laughs but I just feel like he is expecting too much for what I get in return. I’m from a loving family and he is not, he was abandoned by his parents and brought up by his nan who didn’t have much money and 2 children of her own as well as 2 of his siblings to clothe and feed. I’ve come from a family where my parents were a team and although we were far from rich we shared all we had, just a family. So before I found out he had AS, I just thought it was his upbringing and I could tell him how I felt and he’d understand. Now I’m invested and don’t want to give up on him just because he has AS (we do have positives, short post so just focuses on the negatives) I was just looking for advice from people who know, which I’ve got so I can make a more informed decision about our future. It’s seems I am putting off the inevitable as I think he would rather be without me than put up with some of the inconveniences that come with any relationship.

Fnord, I have my own interests and definitely a strong personality. I’ve spent a long time on my own and am not scared to do so again. As you say you only have my account, which doesn’t give a rounded picture of the last year in one paragraph but I wanted advice on what people thought, which I have received. He is caring but like I say this is mainly at bedtime (cuddles, not just sex) but I just feel like I do everything and I’m not appreciated.

Nick007 I met him on a night out, he has a very striking look (shallow, sorry) we got chatting and was very interesting compared to a lot people I’d met who had the personality of a boiled egg.