Girlfriend's demands

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Hello,
I'd like to talk to you and ask for advice, about the possible demands of a future girlfriend.
Currently, I've been without a girlfriend for a very long time. Because of a lot of life issues going on, and the fact I stopped searching for a girlfriend so I can focus on these same life issues. However, another reason I was not sure whether I should start searching for a girlfriend again or not, was that I didn't want to lose all my money.
What do I mean?
Well, the reality is, most women I have met - Israeli, of course, were very demanding towards possessions, money, inviting her and paying for things that she wants to do or have, and so on.
I have no idea how the women are in the United States and Canada. I'd assume, that this problem exists there too, where there are also American and Canadian women who mostly just want a man who has a lot of money, or atleast a man who can pay for things that she wants.
And to me atleast, this is a very sad and disappointing situation. Because not just because, I'm not someone who has a lot of money. But even if I had a lot of money, I'd want a girlfriend to want me because I"m a good person, not because my bank account is full of cash.
The biggest question currently is:
Do I just need to deal with it and be prepared with a lot of money for a girlfriend. Or, I need to find a girlfriend who wont be so demanding and wanting me to pay for things all the time or spend a lot of money for her?
If the second option is the better one, then, the second question that needs to be asked is - Does such women exist? Women who, honestly, don't care about how much money her man has, or how much he spends for her or for the things that she wants.
Thank you

No. Greedy, demanding, self-centered people are everywhere, but that does NOT mean you should have to let them exploit you and take advantage of you in any way.Yes. For your own peace of mind, a partner who shares your ethics and morals is an ideal partner. If your partner has similar interests (i.e., education, hobbies, recreation, et cetera), then even better!Yes. They exist. Such people are usually financially secure on their own, and don't mind footing the bill for something that is their idea. For example, whoever wants to attend a festival with you in Cannes should at least pay for transportation, lodging, and cost of admission for the both of you.

If, on the other hand, someone demands that the two of you attend the same festival and demands that you pay for everything, then that person sees you only as a source of disposable income, and you would be best off to just walk away and forget you ever met them.

Shalom!

These women remind of my country's women.

Well seems it would be better to find a woman who won't be so demanding about wanting you to pay for everything or spend a lot of money for her. I mean you'd probably be more happy with someone you relate to that cares about you...not your money.

Of course there are women like that, they may be a bit hard to find but they exist. That said I am not sure how common it is for women to be independent and have jobs in Israel? I would suspect its harder to find women who won't be looking for a man to be the provider in places where women aren't as independent...but not sure that is how it is in Israel.

Israel ... Lebanon ... it's not surprising that people from similar cultures in the same region have similar behaviors and attitudes.

It would be easier for you to find a woman if you have a bit of money & are willing to spend it on a woman. Us Aspies tend to struggle a lot more than NTs to get women so if you really want a relationship & are able to have a bit of money, it might be better to bite the bullet so to speak than to be alone. I would of been very willing to when I was single if I had the money cuz I HATED being alone & I struggled MAJORLY to find someone. It's up to you to decide which is better.
I'm disabled & on Social Security Disability & my current girlfriend didn't really care about me not having much money. However she's also disabled & on various benefits. I relate to some of her disabilities & I try my very best to be supportive which she likes & needs. Neither of us can really handle living alone cuz of our various disabilities so our relationship is kinda interdependent so it works.

I understand I need to find a girlfriend which won't be only looking for my money, and all that. I get that.
However, what you guys don't seem to realize, is that it's so difficult to find such a woman, and when you find such a woman there are other requirements you have to meet in order to keep the relationship going, otherwise she quickly leaves you in the dark.
I remember I met some woman in the past, from a dating site who I arranged a date with not just because she was pretty, but because I thought we had a lof of similarities and that we get along by our personalities too.
On the first date, I started to notice signs of her wanting me to be someone I'm not, like someone with a lot of confidence or performing tasks quickly, or something of that nature. I quickly realized I can't keep up with her or meet her requirements, so I kindly remained myself - until she realized by herself I'm too "boring" for her. After that first date, we never talked again, not even on the phone or WhatsApp.
So, even when I finally would find a woman who doesn't care about money, something else doesn't work out. It's always a different story every time, but ends in the same way - that I end up alone, miserable, and disappointed.
Ah, one day I will live a happier life. Maybe, one day. Atleast I'm alive and well.

First, a partner having "demands" right off the bat, sounds entitled and problematic. Maybe it's a semantic issue, it's fine and recommended to have standards, but demands doesn't sound right to me.

I was somewhat out of the norm in my generation for seeing women who don't work or want to be house-makers as a deal-breaker - I don't have anything against them, just not the right choice for me. And it had nothing to do with money in itself, I made enough to support a family by myself.

Be very, very wary of those who don't understand the value of money and are financially irresponsible. Especially if you plan to have kids be careful to choose someone with a similar attitude towards finances.

Otherwise, Fnord already made excellent points.

I've seen several people around here with the same problem and almost all of them making the same mistake. "I want a girlfriend!" "Why can't I get a girlfriend?!" Women hate (or despise) men who are desperate for a partner. Even if you're not open about it, it's something you can feel. And they feel it very well. You need to feel good about yourself because then you will show them self-confidence. And self-confidence is sexy. Self-confidence shows the world that you are worth it as a partner. Gain muscle. Play some sport. Masturbate before you leave home. That's up to you. Do something about your self-confidence that women will CERTAINLY desire you as someone worthwhile. Before you try to be happy with someone else you have to be happy with yourself. Otherwise you will only be taking your problems to someone else.

I do agree that it's good to work on improving yourself. However there is only so much we can do to improve ourselves & some people like me are much better off within a relationship. I was very desperate when I was single. I know I have way more than my fair share of faults but I also know I have some good qualities too that show within a relationship. My problem is that I just could not get any woman to actually give me a real chance. I really believed most anyone would like me if she was willing to give me a real chance & put forth some effort herself into making the relationship work instead of everything being one-sided & me having to do all the work. So in a way when I was single I was desperate but had some self confidence as well. I guess I eventually solved my chronic singleness by seeking out women who were also desperate & had more than their fair share of problems. I relate tend to relate better to people with problems.

^ Quoted For Truth ^

There are a lot of miserable people all over the world who are caught in a vicious circle of their own making.

"I can't get a date because nobody likes me ... because I can't get a date ... because nobody likes me ... because I can't get a date ... because nobody likes me ... because I can't get a date ... because nobody likes me ... because I can't get a date ... because nobody likes me ... because I can't get a date ... because nobody likes me ... because I can't get a date ... because nobody likes me ... because I can't get a date ... because nobody likes me ..."

... and around and around it goes.

If people don't like themselves, then how the hell do they expect others to like them? They have to believe in themselves and work on improving themselves first before they can expect others to like them.

They could find someone else who doesn't like themselves either & then they could work together to improve each other or they could just accept each other as they are. That's sorta how it worked with me & my current girlfriend & how it was in my 1st relationship.

Sure, that's possible; but both have to want to improve or both have to want to accept the other as they are. If only one wants improvement, and the other wants acceptance, then there will eventually come a day when either contempt enters the mind of the improved partner, jealousy enters the mind of the unimproved partner, or both.

Exactly.

I hear what you are saying, and yes its true. I agree.
But, I'd like to point out that even if I can still live a normal and acceptable life and still be single. That would never be a happy situation to be in for a long time. The problem is I've been single for over a year, not just a month or two. And when I wasn't single, I was "in a relationship" for too short time to call myself "engaged" or "I got a girlfriend". My relationships ended before they began. I wasn't doing something wrong but I wasn't the right choice for the women who met me. They wanted someone who can basically afford every single thing, pay for almost everything, or - someone who looks very good(by their definition of looking good).
I can't do a plastic surgery on my face, and I can't rob a bank. So, there was simply nothing I could do except tell her I'm just a good person and I have enough money, etc. But, that wasn't enough to the woman of course.
In regards to being alone/single, there's a limit to how long one can stay like that before running out of patience or tolerance of the situation he or she is in.
There are good women, who don't just think about money all the time and I know such women exist. But I'll admit I don't look like an athlete or a very attractive person in generally - but on the other hand there's nothing I can do about it. You can't touch your hair or face too much and alter it just for the purpose of looking attractive to other women.
The women who agreed to date me in the past, were either fat and autistic(not just aspergers, but basically unable to handle an everyday normal conversation), and I just couldn't allow myself to have such a woman as a girlfriend and having to deal with the issues that would be.

Women find men sexually attractive for multitude of factors including the things she was trying to see in you. Confidence, social ability, strength... Women aren't looking for things "in common" with a man. Maybe enough to have some ground rules, being from the same culture for example, but mates don't need to talk about violin lessons to be together. Flirting can be done with no common grounds at all and once its gone past that you become involved in each others lives so the more diverse the better imo.

Women find men attractive based on a multitude of factors developed through evolutionary adaptation for the organism to optimize the survival and propagation of themselves and others (i.e eat, breed, help others do it too)

Men who aren't good for breeding compensate by helping others and surviving. Society enables those things to be worth their while by giving them easy access to food, social media and porn preventing them from becoming violent towards others or committing suicide.

Most people use the term girlfriend without differentiating between the different types of "girlfriends". Girlfriends can have any number of needs and usually most women will see similar benefits in you, unless you decide to date girls you consider much more unattractive than you. If girlfriends you are currently interested in tend to hang around you for your resources, then it is not you who they like. You are trading hard work for the illusion of care by someone who doesn't care about you. If this was about sex, besides ethics, prostitutes are a lot more attractive and likely cheaper for such matters. Eventually, you can keep trying. But constant rejection and toxic partners can be worse than social isolation so you should know when to draw the line. Alternatively, you can accept that the women you fancy are out of your league and try to figure it out from here.

If this makes it any better, you are not alone. NTs struggle a lot more than you think, despite being able to cope better with their reality and divert from the details.

Last edited by blackbaron1412 on 27 Jul 2019, 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.