What Did I Do Wrong ?

Post Reply New Topic

I went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea for me & my GF.
She went to put 1 item in the freezer.
I finished making tea and carried both cups towards the living room.
Because of the setup of the house when the freezer door is open no one can pass.
My GF is rearranging the freezer to make this one item fit.
I walk up to the freezer door , cannot pass , so wait patiently for her to finish with cups in hand.
I make a comment "Are you struggling to find space?"
She gets all arsey and snaps at me "You are making me nervous just standing there"

WTF did I do wrong ? It is times like this that make me want to explode as I feel I have done f**k all to receive this kind of treatment.

Sounds like you did nothing wrong and she misread you. If you had told her "I am just waiting for you to get done so I can get through" she would have understood and not get mad.

You did nothing wrong.

Ironically, I just had an argument with my own freezer space today and I know exactly how GF felt, but you didn't deserve the fall-out. She was venting but that wasn't fair.

I'll have her cuppa tea ... if it's still available.

You did nothing wrong at all. IMO, it was just a misunderstanding between you and her.

Stuff like that happens often with me & my girlfriend. I know the feeling of trying to do something nice & having it backfire on me like how you were making tea for her. I think your girl was frustrated that she couldn't find space & felt pressured to rush with you waiting near her. I hated being watched closely when we took tests in skewl & I disliked being watched while working. I felt like I was being bird-dogged. Your girl may of felt the same way Ferris & she took it out on you. It wasn't really anyone's fault. Just try to give her more space in the future or look like your not really waiting on her. BTW How did you react when she snapped at you I used to get angry for a second & snap back at Cass but I recently started getting in the habit of just going to my room for a while without really saying much. Her snapping at me is getting more frequent lately cuz of bad things going on in her life & I'm just getting sick of it. I know I should just not let in bother me somehow but I'm not sure how to do that. I think it may be related to me being bullied a lot & teachers & parents(especially mom) on my back about stuff & not understanding me. I get defensive I guess.

At a guess, she felt judged by you waiting for her and watching what she was doing, even if you weren't doing that.

Ferris...Dude...you are freaking your G/F out! hovering breathing down her neck around while she's doing stuff in the freezer.

Give her space and make yourself useful while she's doing her stuff. Go wipe a glass or pick up stuff.

NT girls like being independent and perhaps she was struggling and didn't want your smart arsed comment! of course she was having problems making something fit into the freezer (I have this problem it's like playing tetris) but she wants to do it herself....you standing there is making her nervous

Well she was already struggling with something and probably felt like you were hovering. I'd probably get irritated at my boyfriend to if I was trying to fit something in the freezer and having to rearrange things and he just came and stood there for a few minutes and then just says 'oh are you struggling?'

I mean was there a reason you could not put the tea down and actually wait patiently till she had finished and then reminded her you got a tea ready for her?

Also though little conflicts and misunderstandings happen in a relationship...its not really anything worth exploding over. she just got a little frustrated and snapped a little. I mean how is your relationship aside from that? If its generally good then a little thing like that certainly isn't worth feeling explosive over.

Ive reacted similarly in the past, freezers are never big enough and packaging is stupidly shaped lol...
'Are you struggling to find space', coupled with someone standing over me would introduce pressure as I'm aware that I am the obstacle that needs to move. I would get flustered even though as smudge says it's not the intention to fluster me.

For the socially inclined I imagine they are more aware that standing waiting close to the person and making a comment about the approach they are taking would indirectly put pressure on them to hurry up (social politeness pressure), a comment to show you relate might have gone down better. Like about the freezer, how stupidly designed it is, it's the appliance that's causing the problem, not her inability to make the item fit.

She overreacted. Perhaps she could have asked, nicely, for help in arranging the stuff in the freezer.

- “Are you struggling to find space?”
- “Yes, I can’t find my telescope”

Thanks for your opinions.

@ League Girl - I would of thought it was obvious what I was doing , where I was going.

@Isabella - Sure , anytime

@Nick - After she closed the fridge to stop what she was doing so I could pass , I went into the living room and cursed her out ( she can't hear , she's hard of hearing )

@Smudge - I'm not sure she felt judged but who knows.

@Cyber - Maybe she did think it was a smart arse comment but it wasn't meant that way.

@Sweetleaf - We are both under a lot of stress so the relationship is not in a good way.

@Amity - It wasn't really the appliances fault , I had been shopping so stocked the freezer and already had to play Tetris to get everything in. She had picked berries from the garden and wanted to freeze them , I think she was pissed as she thought her berries were more important ?

@Kraftie - If she had asked , I would of helped KK.

So basically what I get from your answers is:

It's my fault , it's my GF's fault , it's the Freezers fault , it's societal rules fault.

I'll just hide in the kitchen next time till she's done , I don't think there is a right answer when my GF is involved

You did nothing wrong - unfortunately though many people lash out at closest person when they are stressed or irritated.

You can either try to stay out of her way or, since both of you are under a lot of stress, you could sit down and talk about better ways of managing it, if you think she would be open to that.

Honestly, I don't believe "cursing her out" would have been the right solution in this instance.

It sounds like the lady might have a stubborn streak. I believe it would have been coolest had she asked for your help.

This escalated further than it should have escalated.

This sort of thing happens between me and my wife sometimes---so I know what I'm talking about.

Women were never meant to be understood; they were meant to be loved.