Unreciprocated feelings!!

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Ive been good friends with a girl for 7 years who has been hitched but recently me and her have become single around the same time. Im interested in going out with her and she appears to want to just be freinds still. She says all these nice things about me like I have a nice face, tall, kind and funny and that id be a good catch for someone. She drops these hints that she doesnt "sleep around" because she is too emotional. I respect that and agree. Im guessing that is the infamous 'friend zoning', which im fine with as we are great friends and she is good company.

My thoughts are that my last relationship was built on a friendship of 3 years. The internet would have you believe that is not common at all and I should give up on this current situation.

Is buddies to lovers more common wih aspie women? Are they slower to let down barriers than the average? Mutual friends say we would make a great couple! Should I just accept the state of play as it is and look for someone else and keep her as a cherished friend?

I must say I havent told her how i feel, only dropped hints via compliments and things. I had talked myself out of it as she has been obsessing about another guy but it looks like hes not returning the feelings and shes getting fed up.

Last edited by jimmyjazzuk on 10 Aug 2019, 8:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

Tell her that you have a date and see how she will react.

I like the “cherished friend” idea better.

It’s possible she’ll change her mind in time.

im worried If i make a move (lol) i might lose this friend..

internet makes it seem as if being freinds is the worst thing ever romantically for some reason..

It’s not! Screw what the “Internet” says!

My friendships with men are often much deeper and more emotionally intimate than my relationships with boyfriends. There's something magic about friendship, because it usually lasts longer than romantic relationships and there isn't generally a worry of "breaking up". Whichever way your relationship leans with this woman, treasure your time with her.

This is so wrong.

It's not that I plan it this way, Boo. I don't reserve my deepest emotions for friends, instead of boyfriends. The difference is that my friendships with men have been longer lasting and therefore it's natural they become strong. I've been friends with my best male friend for 25 years. I have never had a romantic relationship last 25 years. In that length of friendship I've been through more ups and downs and emotions with him than with boyfriends. My point was that in many cases friendships last longer and can therefore be deeper. For the lucky people who have romantic relationships which last decades, I'm sure those relationships are extraordinary. I haven't been so lucky.

There are MANY instances in history of successful male/female purely Platonic friendships.

In ALL cultures.

Right. There are also successful friendships between gay or asexual pairs. Sexual chemistry (or the lack thereof) doesn't have to interfere with building an emotional bond.

Absolutely!

It sounds like typical friend zoning to me. I've been friend zoned by more than a few women. It can really hurt when they're talking about guys they like or guys they're with who don't treat them right. However it's better to just accept that she's not interested in being more than friends with you & just try to focus on enjoying the friendship

It's hard to say because even though we all may have Aspergers in common we are still quite individuals. I can only speak from my own position. For me the answer would be yes. Friend to lover would be more common, because I am quite slow to let barriers down and to trust.

There's still a big question of whether or not there is any attraction though. And she may think you are attractive but is not particularity attracted.

Since she has been talking about another guy - even though it doesn't seem to be going well, you are probably better off at this time to just be friends with her.

To me friends to lovers seems most natural as I am quite shy but i am not the same as everyone else with aspergers

That's how it was with my 1st girlfriend. I was lonely but not particularly interested in romantic relationships. We became fast good online friends because we had weird things in common like dyslexia, ADD in my case & ADHD in hers, & OCD thou I had it much worse than her. We also had a lot of similar interests. I never really considered the idea of a relationship with her till she told me she liked me. I wasn't friends with my 2nd or current girlfriend before we got in a relationship thou. We barely knew each other.