How do you know if someone is looking at you.

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Whenever I would talk about girls with co-workers. I would always (still say today), “I could be at a wedding reception, the hottest woman there could be looking at me and I wouldn’t think anything of it.” One remark I got was ,”no confidence.” I just don’t want to flatter myself. Does that make any sense? How would I know that a woman is truly interested in me, in this situation and how will I be able to know she is looking at me? Advice please?

Just cause they look at you doesn’t mean they like you either.
Plenty reasons people look at other people and not all are good reasons

This. Don't take being looked at by someone as a definite sign of interest. It could be, but you'd need more information to have a reasonable idea of whether it is or not.

What signs do I need to look for?

Okay guys, here's my secret test.....

If I like someone, I get up in their personal space. Stand close to them, sit next to them, "accidentally" brush them in passing.

Do they pull away, create distance, take a step back?
You can argue it was all a misunderstanding, an accident, no worries.

Do they stay put and let you get close to them?
Keep talking, hanging out, maybe initiate more minor touches. (I like playing footsie at this point)

Do they move closer?
Green light! Have no fear, enjoy yourself, but....respect consent. Maybe not tonight, but maybe next time. Be cool.

If you are looking for compatible girls it's easy. Look their way and see if they notice you, and then immediately look away. Try again a while later and see if she looks back again. Repeat. The more times she reciprocates the more likely she is interested. Should be done only to girls you are not talking to and preferentially they should not be in the same group you are out with. Trying this when you are in a conversation will be completely misleading since you are supposed to look at people you talk to.

Yeah, but no one here does that, lol

Doesn't matter.

Not to do it with somebody you talk to makes you exclude NTs that are likely to look only when you talk.

I often read, especially in novels, about feeling other's eyes on self. It always puzzled me. I definitely have no sense to feel that someone is looking at me.
Maybe other people unconsciously scan their environment all the time for signs of someone looking at them?

This +2

Be logical people.

Well, in my experience at least, it is the guy that initiates the "look game". So, unless you repeatedly succeeded with the look & look away game (outside of a conversation), there is no reason to assume she is interested.

I think it is subconscious. Much like how you detect things in your environment. Your brain will let you know if it detects something that it is relevant, otherwise, you will not notice.

This.

In a public space like a bar, concert, anything like that where a lot of people are, the look-lookaway, look-smile-lookawayquickly thing is the primary signalling technique. If two or three look-lookaways happen and both parties smiled in at least the last one, somebody should then take the initiative, move to within conversational range (an inch or two farther than arms-reach is good) and introduce themself. Small talk is the next step.

The look-lookaway dance is all about testing if both parties find each other potentially attractive at a surface level. For example, if somebody isn't interested in your gender, they won't engage in that game with you. Edit: And yes, as mentioned above, this is just a sign that you might be in a category that the other person is potentially interested in. It's not an invitation for any kind of physical contact yet, much less a statement of intent.

Then the small talk is a quick personality test. The primary goal here is to avoid being rude. And smile more. By the end of the conversation, it should be clearly established if further contact is welcome or not. If it is, an exchange of phone numbers or something is usually in order.

After that, next steps depend on your personality and the personality of your new acquaintance. Good luck!

That is a bad secret test, for several reasons, but could be adjusted to be better.

Firstly, if you "get up in their personal space" with a stranger, that is creepy in the extreme. It's called personal space for a reason. Entering somebodies personal space without an invitation to do so is rude, and can make the person fearful. Not what you want, but more importantly, not what they want. If this is somebody you want to start a relationship with, that's a terrible way to begin.

Secondly, if you feel the need to "argue it was all a misunderstanding, an accident", that means that not only are you lying to them at that point, but that there is something to be lied about. Because your whole approach is based on trying to get close without letting them know the real reason you want to get close. Starting a new relationship with deception isn't cool.

So, let's replace step one with something like this:

Then the rest of your post falls into place without further problems

You mention consent at the end; I just wanted to point out it wasn't present in the beginning.

There is a great bit of science about that, actually. It's just this common misconception that people think they have a sense that they actually do not, probably because

1) Evolved in an environment containing predators, humans tend to be wary of their surroundings.
2) So they look around.
3) If nobody is looking at them when they survey the area, it's a forgettable moment and they never think of it again.
4) If someone IS looking at them, they think: "Wow, I looked around at just the right time to notice that, can't possibly be a coincidence!"

Essentially, it's confirmation bias reinforcing urban myths. See the website at http://www.theinvisiblegorilla.com/videos.html for a visceral demonstration of this and several other cool things.

Edit: fixed link to go to the demo page

Exactly. Finally, somebody that understands this.

However, smiling has no place in ND courtship. Smiling is aggression since you bar your teeth and threat to bite somebody, and this is so in every primate species except NT humans.



Only if you are NT. Talking is last in ND courtship. Once you have established "contact" with the look-lookaway game the next step is the observation stage. So, if you do this at a large public place, and don't know the person, then you cannot go on to the observation stage. Thus, if you want to do this seriously, it should be with people you can meet again, like in shared activities or something like that.



Agreed.